“Djävligt jagad” (aka “A Hell of a Hunt”) (1995) - This insane, no budget, amateur Swedish flick needs to be seen by more bad movie fans cause it’s hilarious! Per the IMDB trivia director Stefan Lindstöm along with co-direct Patrik Söderberg and Roland Nilsson-Hugo wrote the script when they were doing their mandatory military service. They then presumably gathered their friends and made the movie using whatever they had. They also acted in the movie but this is less vanity project and more just friends having fun. The heart and dedication on display more than making up for the lack in budget or skill.

The story itself involves a group of young men who stumble upon a satanic cult on a small island near where they are camping. Turns out the cult isn’t the welcoming sort and immediately attack the campers. A few get captured and are tortured and the rest flee. The survivors get to a phone and call an emergency help number and soon special agents arrive to fight the cult. Then of course the two group clash, people die, things explode, magic lighting is cast, a MS Paint bridge is summoned, cars are raced, devil horns hand signals are thrown up, and a lot more of hilarious stuff happens.

If it wasn’t obvious already I (along with my bad movie group) really enjoyed this movie and I think you will as well. I was lucky enough to find a copy with English subtitles thanks to The Analog Video Shop (https://youtube.com/@guybrush-?si=h1C3sRipftm4sbrZ) Discord, so shout out to them. Even if you are only able to get autogenerated subtitles I still highly suggest checking it out. The combination of DIY special effects/explosions/gore, the fake mustaches, everything about the cult leader, and the heart on display just makes this a hilarious must watch. So gather your bad movie buddies, and your favorite intoxicants, and check this out!

4.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Free Refills

https://youtu.be/Hb0F7YGHyFY?si=QIKffOVT2pmZ5T6w

“Arachnicide” (aka “Spider”) (2016) - I don’t know if there is a specific amount of spiders required for a titular ‘arachnicide’ but this movie definitely has enough. The only issue is the first spider does not appear onscreen till 52 minutes into this 95 minute movie. Before they arrive all we get is bad actors saying poorly written dialogue through a really bad dub. Once the eight legged ones start attacking the rest of the movie is full of hilariously bad CGI spiders that might just make the wait worth it. The guns never need reloading, the spiders are never ending, and the spiders just keep getting bigger.

In the end this movie had its moments but wasn’t very memorable. If the whole movie was more like the last act it definitely would have been worth it, but that’s not what we got. We got some funny scenes but a whole lot of filler. And I mean a lot of filler. So if you are going to watch this I suggest bringing a lot of friends to keep you occupied during most of it.

4 / 5 Burnt Kernels

https://youtu.be/Vo1-LpsiJDA?si=YPGF6I7Vhmlipkj9

After killing the crooked mayor a homicidal janitor named Abdullah goes to work for a butcher who has invented a new language for the town’s planned futuristic theme park. In the butcher shop is a septic tank where scraps of meat are dumped which has produced “balonium” a radioactive fuel source sought after by space aliens. The aliens revive the mayor, who’s body is hanging in the meat locker of the butcher shop, in an attempt to gain access to the balonium.

Have you seen any of their short films or tv shorts? Swine and Dine is beautifully shot. They share a lot of resources with the Terrifier team.

"The Boss Man" (2022) - This movie is a perfect example of what we like to call egosploitation, also known as a vanity project. Our ego this time around belongs to Laotian martial artist and retiree JJ Stomp (aka Sonny Phoumy Syonesa). He is the movies writer, producer, casting director, action director, regular director, and played the character of James Sy. To no ones surprise Mr. Sy is arguably the main character (at least the co-star) and most of the movie is dedicated to making him look like a badass.

The thing that makes this particular vanity project stand out from most others is the age of it's creator. I can not find an exact date, but based on what little I did find I would guess that JJ Stomp was in his late 50s, early 60s, when he made this. I need to remind you this is an action flick full of fight scenes. Now I will admit he looks good for his age, but he is still very much a man of his age. This is only further exaggerated in his co-star who looks even older and moves even slower.

The saving grace in all this is that the bad guys are not spring chickens themselves. We named the one guy 'Luck Chiddell' due to him looking like the former UFC Champion old stunt double. Another guy looks like a thumb and his real name is Mariano 'Big Dawg' Medoza. Also no one can act to save their life, and I mean no one. Missed ques, flat reads, stumbled lines, forgotten lines, starring directly into the camera, odd emotions, bad accents, worse dialogue, we get it all.

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As far as the story goes, a wealthy businessman and his driver (JJ Stomp) have their much younger busty blonde trophy wives kidnapped after a deal goes south. They then fight a bunch of middle aged duded to get them back, it's just that simple. Oh did I mention that this features Dawna Lee Heising ("RoboWoman" 2019, "Paradise" 2022) in a small role, cause it does. There is also a busty redheaded lawyer that I am pretty sure is just a stripper they hired. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't bet on it.

I also need to mention the special effects that they use in this are next level bad. I am serious they basically just paste clip art explosions over footage, regardless if the camera is movie. At one point cartoon shotgun shells come out of an assault rifle. Later they add fireworks to a dinner scene that move with the handheld camera and occasional go in front of the actors. I am not sure what more I can say really, so if that all sounds like something you need to see I suggest checking it out as soon as you can with as many people as you can.

4.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Free Refills

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14701800/?ref_=fn_all_ttl_1

Original title: Kako sam sistematski uništen od idiota. This cult comedy dives into the bureaucratic absurdities of life with a sharp satirical edge, carried almost entirely by the brilliant and deadpan performance of Danilo "Bata" Stojković. His mix of tragicomic timing and weary defiance makes the film both hilarious and devastating—perfectly absurd in the truest sense!

Honestly an incredible find, totally fun to watch beginning to end.

"The Minis" (2009) - In this movie a group of dwarves hire Dennis Rodman to teach them basketball. What else do I need to say beyond that? With that information alone you know everything you need to know about this movie. This is going to either makes you piss yourself laughing, or get so unreasonably upset that you burst a blood vessel in your eye. It's one or the other.

If you'd like to hear more, allow me to ramble off some more of the insanity contained within this movie. Rodman clearly got paid by the line, as in several scenes he just awkwardly smiles and gestures. At one point an agent pitches the group (who are dwarves he labels the titular "Minis") to be mascots for a diaper company. In one game, and yes there is more than one, Rodman 'fastball specials' one of the dwarves to make a basket. In another game the dwarves stand on each other's shoulder to make a dunk while glowing with a golden light.

Beyond the cast the editing in this is likely the next most noteworthy aspect. The editor clearly was a big fan of early 90's MTV style scene transitions involving rapid cut assembled clips of cities. The editing is generally poor, but during the basketball games it gets especially out of hand. It also needs to be stated that at one point they use an outline of the movies title (which again is "The Minis") as an expanding screen wipe. I haven't seen that kind a of thing outside a Saturday morning cartoon before that I can remember.

There is far more I could go on about but like I said before, you likely knew if you wanted to watch this after the first sentence. The sheer absurdity of what is going on needs to be seen by more people. Several members of my bad movie group even bought this movie online while we were still watching it. So with all that said I suggest you gather your bad movies buddies and check it out, just bring your favorite intoxicants.

4.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbwJBmtD_cY&t=6s