r/AlAnon • u/Ecstatic_Astronaut36 • 2d ago

Support It's over but I feel worse

I broke up my my partner a few days ago and at the time of it happening I felt so much better and almost like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. No more broken promises or lies, no more drink driving, no more coming second to a drink, no more forgetting his family exists once the drinks are flowing...I felt at peace and ready for a fresh start.

This has been the thing that needed to happen for him to take it seriously and he is. He even expressed his new understanding of what I meant when things were quite bad and he wants to do better for himself, which I'm incredibly proud of. But the change has come because he's feeling it now and I can't help feeling really frustrated.

I know this wasn't about me and it was about the alcohol. But this man helped me take down all the walls I put around myself to protect myself, told me over and over again I could trust him when I had concerns and put my insecurity about his behaviour down to trust issues. Where do you start with unpacking that and feeling better about it all?

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u/ItsAllALot 2d ago

Because you took down your walls and he broke your trust and took advantage of your vulnerability.

And yet you're still standing, have shown yourself to be capable of advocating for yourself. And capable of making hard choices when you're vulnerable.

I think that's what we can see when we unpack it. We're so much more than what they can make of us ❤

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u/blissful-ignorance84 1d ago

I admire the strength it took for you to leave. I think it will just be something that takes time. Heartbreak of any kind tends to get a little worse before it starts getting better. And soon you will realize that it wasn't all about your trust issues, but the fact that this person was genuinely not trustworthy. It's one thing to not trust someone who hasn't given you any reason not to. It's a whole other thing to rightfully not trust someone who can't be trusted. It will get better, hang in there.