r/AlAnon • u/[deleted] • 2d ago

Support I feel hopeless

[deleted]

6 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

3

u/hulahulagirl 2d ago

I’m sorry, tough spot. 😞💔 Just know no matter what he chooses to do, it’s not your responsibility. You can support him or leave him, but how he chooses to respond is completely on him. Is he able to get a job and get health insurance? Does your state/country offer rehab that’s based on income? Does he even want help? His threats of suicide are extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. 🥺

2

u/sadkitti 2d ago

He has a job it just doesn’t have benefits. He’s put himself into 25k of debt in the last year. He was trying to save money by not signing up for any health coverage. Now he is trying to get another job with better pay and benefits but it’s just starting to be too little too late.

1

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2

u/Cool-Group-9471 2d ago edited 2d ago

It's very very hard having deep feelings for your Q. I would suggest you attend a meeting in person, find a good support group or go directly to a therapist yourself. Just to air things out that will hopefully make you feel better or see things better.

If he dropped therapy he isn't ready, he's the only one that can help himself. He has to want to. Or he's going to keep spiraling round and round like a yo-yo from hell.

You can't save him or fix him. He has to do that. He has to get better of himself by himself to unravel why he self-destructs. Why he's depressed, what was the abuse, the hurts, neglect. He has to face them and go through some pain first and then release it. One hopes.

Again I suggest you might seek some support for yourself here.

2

u/InevitableVictory729 2d ago

I’m really sorry you’re in this position. You should never be in a position where someone’s life is on your shoulders.

I think this is a case where you need to protect yourself over someone else. He’s clearly emotionally dependent on you but if he is abusing alcoholic in an escalating fashion then you’re no longer a mitigating factor, you’re more of an enabler.

The best thing to do would be to leave and hope he hits rock bottom and makes the effort to get sober. But until he’s ready, he won’t and you don’t have to stick around and sink along with him.