Guilt: Told him that I wasn't checking up on him anymore

[u/danibegood88]

So I have been friends with a guy long distance online for over 10 years. Honestly we are bestfriends. I know that sounds naive but because I never thought we'd actually meet he knows everything about me and he as opened up alot to me over the years. Well over the last year he has been opening up to me about his drug use. He was in recovery we started talking more recently. I went to visit him and he lost his housing for hanging out with me. I felt so guilty. He didn't blame me but found new housing but mentioned that it was a real downgrade. He also mentioned that an old friend was housed there. Well he started hanging out with this friend and relapsed. He told me about and was kinda depressed for a few days and distant but we were talking again and I thought he was better. We had a phone conversation and told me how rough the new place he was staying. Over the next few days he had been really wanting me to visit and I live across the country. We always want to see each other that was nothing new. We had been texting as usual and he just ghosted me. I was so worried because I know he had been depressed, I knew he had relapsed, and I felt bad that he really needed/wanted me around and I wasn't taking it as serious. I looked up the new place and found out it was an homeless shelter. I read the reviews and it made me really sad. Anyway I have been reaching out for almost 2 weeks but today I texted him that I won't keep reaching out. I feel really guilty about it. But he knows I worry. And it really has been taking a toll on me. I had already expressed how him dipping out makes me feel and I was told it wouldn't happen again but it has. Anyway I just feel bad that I told him I'm not gonna keep checking on him. Especially because he claims it means so much to him. And I know he has really messed things up with family. I really hope he is safe and it doesn't make things worse. And if u guys are wondering there is a romantic aspect to the relationship it kinda always has been but we had gotten closer recently. I know this is sometimes normal behavior and most likely I will hear from him in a few months but I feel bad that now that I know all of this about him. And I have to set the boundary for myself. I guess I feel like bad person. I really don't know if I'm venting or need support.

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[u/Greedy_Wrongdoer_294]

It is 100% fair to protect your own emotions and well being right now. You have no reason to feel guilty, but I understand. It’s wonderful that you care for this person, and want to be supportive, but you cannot enable him or carry him. You have done a lot already. This does not make you a bad person. Take care of yourself ♥️