AITAH for not wanting to be my ex's caretaker

[u/NerfRepellingBoobs]

/r/AITAH/comments/1n4exil/aitah_for_not_wanting_to_be_my_exs_caretaker/

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AITAH for not wanting to be my ex's caretaker

I'm making this post to show my ex later, because I don't feel like I'm in the wrong here. But I'm close to the situation and I'm always open to new opinions.

My ex up and abandoned our family several years back to "live his truth." Not saying what his truth is, past that it involved a lot of random unprotected sex. That was way more important to him than our 3 children.

He did not pay child support. He didn't even acknowledge the children most of the time. He worked under the table and did OF/CB to make sure that he didn't have to support the children that he helped create.

Needless to say; our 2 eldest hate him and our youngest doesn't even remember him.

He reached out to me recently to tell me that the karma train had run him over. He has acquired a terminal STI from his time as the community chew toy. He showed me proof of his diagnosis. Now he wants to come home, spend what time he has left with the children, and he wants me to be there when he passes on.

"Now isn't the time for I told you so's."

I think that he's being ridiculous. With new medication, you can live a long time with that diagnosis. Besides, why should it fall on the children and I to sweep up another mess that he made?

He thinks that the children will regret not getting to spend time with him while there's time to be had.

So, AITAH?

Update:

I talked to the 2 older kids. I told them that dad was sick and wanted to reconnect. Our eldest laughed and said she thought he deserved it. Our middle child said that she doesn't want to speak to him. Our youngest was 1 when he bounced, so he's just a concept to her anyway. Yeah, not bringing him back around the kids without a court order.

I saw a few accusations of homophobia/transphobia. Both the ex and I are members of the rainbow rangers. 🩷💜💙

I didn't send him the post but he's already called this morning yell about it, so someone did. He claims that there's a secondary health issue that the HIV will make worse so he will need help. Also, he's claiming that HIV automatically qualifies you for SSI and he's going that route and he "won't be a financial burden." Well, he won't be anyway because I'm not letting him in.

I agree with those of you who said thay he's probably lying/gaslighting/exaggerating but he is a heavy smoker so who knows.

Thanks to everyone who commented. There was a lot of helpful information.

Last edit because a lot of you called this:

I told my ex that I wasn't going to force the children to have anything to do with him. His response was, "Fine. I still need YOU tho" I wish that I could figure out a way to attach a screen shot because my flabbers are gasted at the open audacity.

He lives a state over and currently doesn't have a car, so we should be fairly safe.

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[u/Kittenn1412]

This reads like a "don't become gay, you'll have a boatload of unprotected sex, catch AIDs, and die" propaganda from the 80s/90s. Like I swear I saw this in some sort of Christian morality tales life-lessons collection in my childhood. I especially like the bit where OP so carefully avoids outright saying "he came out as gay and caught HIV" in the original post so that nobody could accuse her clearly homophobic morality tale of being explicitly homophobic but then outright comes out and says he's gay and the STI is HIV in the edit, using the word "rainbow rangers" as if that doesn't make OP sound like a conservative who's afraid of calling LGBTQ+ community by any of its names.

[u/diet-smoke → u/Kittenn1412]

Like we're fucking Beetlejuice or something 

[u/aoi4eg → u/diet-smoke]

we're fucking Beetlejuice

You're fucking him too??? What a slut, ugh... That bastard told me I was the only one!

[u/VividBig6958 → u/aoi4eg]

Really, B?

I expect him to be hiding one lil’ sumpin ’ somewhere, he’s a dog and everybody knows that he’s a dog.

When I find out that there’s 2 lil’ sumpin’s that man is being lazier and messier than he’s earned a right to be and rest assured there are going to be some corrections made from actions taken after he figured out how to set his Scamp dial to 11 without the key.

[u/WoodenTeethStudio]

Is the ex a time traveller from 1984

[u/diet-smoke → u/WoodenTeethStudio]

And OOP? Ronald Reagan 

[u/WoodenTeethStudio → u/diet-smoke]

Mr Gorbachev...tear down this post!

[u/rukarrn → u/WoodenTeethStudio]

Winners don't use drugs!

[u/diet-smoke]

I don't care if you're a member of the "rainbow rangers," (cringed so hard my face hurts) acting like a man deserves HIV is the epitome of homophobia 

[u/NerfRepellingBoobs → u/diet-smoke]

No one deserves a fatal disease because they’ve had sex. It always bothers me when people are like this. It’s slut shaming, plain and simple.

[u/BespokeCatastrophe → u/diet-smoke]

Not that I would take OOPs word for it, because this sounds like a fake morality tale written by someone who hasn't consumed media since the mid 90s. But if Roy Cohn has taught us anything, it's that you can be queer, and still exploit AIDS to spread homophobia. 

[u/Altruistic-Steak-600 → u/diet-smoke]

Yup. It's not clear to me whether OOP is a bi woman (bio kids??) but as a bi woman myself, we were not the group most heavily affected by the AIDS crisis and if anything that was a time that really showed how important it was for the LGBT+ community to act in, well, community. Nobody deserves HIV.

Modern medication to prevent and manage it is incredible but I also think it's appalling to act like that means it's no biggie to someone who gets HIV.

[u/angel_wannabe]

as unbelievably phyllis schafly-level homophobic as this post is, the comments have somehow managed to one-up it by suggesting the ex is a bug chaser who intentionally contracted HIV and let it progress to terminal AIDS (since that’s much more likely than some uninformed homophobe making up a story with cliches they got from RENT) 

[u/Notnearmymain]

Why would anyone want to prove a point through Reddit? “I want to send this post to them later” but Reddit isn’t an unbiased opinion +strangers on the internet.

[u/corrosivecanine]

I spent the entire first half of that post thinking “they CANT be talking about HIV right? That hasn’t been a death sentence in decades.” You can live a completely normal life now with drugs. You can’t even transmit it if you keep up with your medications. Why was there no pushback on this mysterious other health problem the ex will have even with drugs?

[u/SisterTrout]

Wasn't this a Tyler Perry movie, only it was the sinful, sinful woman who got AIDS.

[u/Morimementa]

The AITA Players Present: Cheaters Deserve Death. (Ghost written by Jack Chick)

[u/catandthefiddler]

oh god its truly comment hell in there yikes

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