i don’t know what to do anymore

[u/StrongDot5470]

so i wanted to make a post because i don’t know what to do anymore and everything i’m coming with it’s not good or is not applied, my bf has bpd and over the time i tried to understand what he feels and how he thinks but obviously i wont understand completely because i don’t know how it is or i’m not the same, i did all wrong in the relationship (so far 8 months in a few days 9), at first i wasn’t a good gf cause i don’t know how to act like one, i don’t have many relationships to have experience but he does and he told me like an advice do that do that, but i didn’t know how to apply them, then he found out some things about me that i didn’t tell him because i was afraid of him leaving me but obv i did nothing but to do the situation worse, he forgave me and stuff, i promised all the time that ill do better ill change that etc.. but i didn’t

now the problem is that this summer he came to work in my town because we’re also in a ldr (long distance relationship) and he has just a few days left to be here, we’re still arguing about me changing and i actually am changing but idk if he s not paying attention enough or just stressed with something else, in all the arguments i’ve came with ideas and advices for the problem we have and i can say the most recent one was about not communicating enough, i don’t know with what ideas to come and advices for the relationship, he often is splitting and it’s on me even thought i’m his FP and i can’t calm him because since that thing with the lying nothing is working (before that my voice was calming him) not even sweet words or ideas or anything else

please help me