Got ghosted

[u/Mein_Komfort]

So this guy I met recently was trying to be my friend or so I thought, right after he kinda blew me off, I go to see that he unfriended me. I keep replaying in my head what I could have done wrong as well as knowing his behavior was kinda shitty, especially after he told me how he didn't like this behavior from others. He turns around and does it to me and I'm not sure how to get the rage to go away. I'm having a hard time dealing with all the wounds this opens up for me. We weren't even close but this died not help my abandonment issues man😭

[u/Yellowcup508]

ugh that sucks people shoudl really try to make a effort not to do that to others

once you get past the ouch at least there will be this

you avoiuded making a friend with a person who did not aprove or wish to be around thier behavioir

that includes that behaviours you mentioned but didnt go into

as well as the behavioir of just flaking and then ghosting someone with no explaination or apology

sorta like if this person had made it into your life then what else kinda of other stuff would they have done they would of been a huge pian?

seems to me that they did you a favor

you know how they say you become some mix of the people you hangout with or that your friends are a reflection of you?

to me it sounds like that this dood or whoever is not a person who you really admired or wished to become more like that seems more that this person was offputing to yourself

the lesson and place for growth here might be be the bouncer at the entrance to your life and circle

if people try to come in and thier bahavior is bad the the bouncer doesnt need to let them in right?

a "friend" who will treat you like this is not a friend that you should need to have" that is no friend at all if you ask me

you know what i did tonight i went by myself to the bar at the mexican place i got a big burito and i talked to random stangers about stuff that bugs me

and i told some jokes going thru the line at doller tree

i think get out there just interact with strangers complain about it when your in line at the grocery store thats what i do and it works for me to say it outloud to just another random human

i hope your next new friend is gonna be a decent person

[u/Mein_Komfort → u/Yellowcup508]

Thank you! This definitely helps a good bit tbh... and the behavior was literally the ghosting. He'd expressed to me that people would just ghost him over things without telling him and it messed with him a lot. That's part of why it bothers me so much...how can you claim to hate a behavior and then DO it?! that doesn't make sense to my brain and with how my brain works? That just makes me keep thinking about it and the confusion is just making me more frustrated

[u/Yellowcup508 → u/Mein_Komfort]

sometimes in fact we are not depressed but it is instead only that we are surrounded by assholes

Your welcome i makes me feel good to know that i was helpful and that i helped someone

what you say here i will zero in on

"how can you claim to hate a behavior and then DO it?!"

this is Actually SUPER COMMON and a thing that once you start to see and understand the reasons why you will see and observe literally ALL OF THE TIME

to know and understand humanity is a real treat...

but yea

to me it is simple the answer is this

People will see or hate something in another person or not even hate.. hate its such a strong word..

but people will see these things in others that they do not like about themselves what they are pointing at seeing very often is only a part of themselves of their own self that they do not like but at same time refuse to look at acknowledge change or do anything about..

and instead only lash out at the same thing in others pointing thier finger at it to say oh look at them but not at my own self

it is very very common you kind find this exact thing everywhere and all of the time

to me that is exactly what it probly is

it is the same as a person who tells another that they hate lies

but then turns around with lies the same day or the next and the question only becomes bring it back to the self

for me tho? for myself?

i do not hate lies.. because i do not hate humans

I love the humans

actualy this makes me think of somethign i wrote once when listening to some music i hope it is ok that i share it copy paste from my journals

the song "pale blue dot"

that song made me cry once before

and i believe the reason for this is that i love the humans

my eye wets now as i type that again

[u/False-Insurance500]

Sometimes ppl just dont work... I dont hold it against them, the ghosting, if we arent compatible...

[u/Mein_Komfort → u/False-Insurance500]

I don't get ghosting tbh.... like why can't we tell someone what they did wrong? Maybe they don't know and would fix it if you just said something. Now I could see ghosting if if the person is creepy or dangerous...but ghosting over a misunderstanding or me doing something odd(I'm autistic, that happens a lot) is kinda just like...why? Maybe it's just me but being ghosted sucks... especially as someone with abandonment issues. I feel like if you care about someone or claim to, you at least should tell them why you're leaving? Now if you don't, can't really say much. It's not a "you have to tell me" but "it'd be really nice if you did"

[u/False-Insurance500 → u/Mein_Komfort]

I cant talk for others, but most of the times its not something they did wrong, its that I see that we are just not compatible and we could not understand each other or get from each other what we need.

Sometimes its not even that, the other person doesnt have anything else to say and I dont either, so the convo just dies.

To give you a specific example, I know that some kind of ppl wouldnt ever understand me, so when I see that kind of thinking I just lose interest. And when I lose interest, I lose my curiosity to get to know that person, so I dont have anything to say.

Although now that I thik about it, I dont think i have ghosted that much. I have done it, yes, but since i feel guilty when I dont know what to say, it doesnt weights on me when they ghost me...

[u/Mein_Komfort → u/False-Insurance500]

I mean I guess for me? I can always work on anything if someone tells me. So when someone doesn't even give me the chance, it feels like I'm some object someone got tired of and threw in the trash without a care or thought and that feels awful. I think it mostly felt yucky because he said he felt the same way about it? I don't think it'd bother me this much if he never said that

[u/False-Insurance500 → u/Mein_Komfort]

hmm i understand. maybe you are putting too much weight in when he said that he felt the same. Many ppl can feel the same and still be incompatible or uninteresting to each other. For example, many women feel lonely, and they still dont want me lol

[u/Mein_Komfort → u/False-Insurance500]

I'm not understanding how I could? He said it traumatized him and would go on and on about it. It sounded like I understand correctly that he felt similar to me about the subject. I'm not saying we had to be friends. I just wish that he could have said something is all

[u/False-Insurance500 → u/Mein_Komfort]

I can't really know what he was thinking... My guess is what I said, lack of interest, which isnt something that can be fixed. I get what you say of at least being told good bye, but ppl do this cause its easier and requires less emotional effort

[u/Mein_Komfort → u/False-Insurance500]

I mean I get that...but that's not exactly a good thing is my point. I know they do it because it's easier for them but in my opinion, if you can't handle telling someone you aren't giving well with them or that they did something you didn't like... maybe you aren't really looking for a close friendship? I dunno about you, but I wouldn't feel very keen on getting close to someone I'd have to worry about walking on eggshells with or they'll just disappear. We could be casual friends. That's more a 'pick it up and leave it whenever' kinda thing. I dunno. And I don't know what he was thinking either. That's kinda the bad part of ghosting. No one knows what happened but the ghoster