r/BPD • u/Equal-Cauliflower139 • 1d ago
Partner/Friend Post What do you wish your parents/carers did differently when you were a teenager?
I’m a step-parent of a newly diagnosed teen with emerging BPD. I’d love any advice that you can share about things your parents/caregivers did that helped when you were younger. Also, are there things you recommend we avoid? Thank you in advance!
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u/HaileeTheComet 1d ago
I think it’s beautiful to see parents educating themselves so you are off to a great start!! I have BPD and my home life was terrible. I work in the behavioral health field now and this is what I’ve learned. Look into TPP, Urge Surfing, Radical Acceptance and Self Compassion (Dr.Kristin Neff)! Give them structure and responsibility to build confidence. Endless love and patience. I was never receptive to treatment as a teen because I felt infantilized even though I felt like I had to grow up faster than everyone around me. Teach them to widen their window of tolerance.
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u/No-Cat2594 1d ago
Hey, I’m new here a mom to a teen I don’t have any advice as a parent- but I’m here to learn because we are seeing signs in our son, and our intake with a psychiatrist with an intensive outpatient program said he wasn’t a good fit for their program and when we talked after session, he said he saw the signs that concern me as someone who grew up with a mother with BPD. We question our sanity in discussions with him I’m wondering what the emerging signs are for your kiddo. Our meeting consisted of a referral to Portland BPD Institute and we will be on a long wait list. But he said since they do not diagnose prior to fully formed brain, that starting DBT now would be the best option which I agree. It would certainly help to share experiences and gain insight from other people diagnosed or, even other parents going through it. What I can say about BPD, is that most people diagnosed now, didn’t have anyone who had a clue back when they were kids. Society just wasn’t clocking this for those of us who are GenX and earlier.
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u/MidwestMeadows00 20h ago
Unfortunately, I think a lot of us had parents that possibly caused or added to the personality disorder. As a parent myself, I would say just BE THERE. Be present. Allow the child to express everything with no boundaries (if they say they feel this way or that way- don’t invalidate their feelings even if it seems to not make sense.) Remind them frequently how happy you are when they are around. Be patient as they learn to regulate these very deep and strong emotions. It’s so hard to control the talking back, snappiness and anger so be patient as they learn to express that in a more regulated way as well. I STILL snap on my loved ones. Good luck! You being here asking for advice is already a great sign!
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u/Heoomun 1d ago
I wished my parents would just let me exist. Help me develop a deep sense of self and regulation. Be there for me without trying to fix me. Hear me and what I'm saying/expressing (the deeper side), not just what they think they hear. Most often I was severely misunderstood because my reactions to things were not typical - that's what happens with a neuro complex individual - they dont present and express things in a way most people will just understand and that adds injury to the damage.