Shameful Shameful Shameful

[u/thatangelchimere]

I'm such a pitiful disgrace. I feel nothing yet everything. I wish to be alone and I wish to have company. I wish to be complex and I wish to be basic.

I'm truly, honestly worthless. I can mask but that doesn't take away from the truth. I will never be enough for anyone. It's a rotten curse I was born with.

Please, no advice, relatability is fine and what I post for.

[u/sprinklesaurus13]

Oh man, funny you should say that...

I was freewriting earlier today about the frustrating freaking paradox that is having a BPD brain. You are definitely not alone in that lol.

I want help, but I would rather die than ask for it.

I want support, but I'll never accept it when it's offered.

I want to communicate openly, but being vulnerable makes me feel under attack.

I want to improve but feedback feels like failure.

I want to be taken care of, but I feel incompetent and selfish when I am.

I want to be in control, but the more I try, the less I am.

I want to learn, but I feel worthless and small when I make mistakes.

I want to feel peace, but my mind is the one causing the battles.

I want to hold on to you, but the harder I do, the more you slip through my fingers.

I want to forgive them, but all I can feel is anger at remembering.

I want to be loved but feel desperately unworthy when I am.

I want to heal, but all I feel are growing pains.

[u/thatangelchimere → u/sprinklesaurus13]

ow ow owie ouch - my honest reaction

i freewrite about my bpd alot too, alot of stuff in my journal sounds exactly like this, so at least we aren't alone :,)

[u/sprinklesaurus13 → u/thatangelchimere]

Nope. Definitely not alone. 🫂