BPD and being a trans man (or possibly not..?)

[u/walkingdeadonceagain]

I am AFAB, autistic and recently diagnosed with BPD too. I identify myself as trans man since around 5 years. But here’s the thing. One of BPD "things" is the lack of personality thing, and I am noticing I was "copying" people a lot. That includes everything, looks, hobbies, etc.

So now I am taking medication, going to therapy and my life is improving a lot. And I started noticing that I am becoming myself. I’m coming back to hobbies I really liked but left, I am leaving the ones that I am not actually interested in.

And that includes the looks too. I had my hair short and dyed dark, now I am growing them out and I dyed them a pretty warm blonde shade. I completely changed my clothing style, it’s like I never knew what I really liked and I liked everything and just now I’m understanding what I actually like.

And here comes "the trans thing". Since around five years, I identify myself as trans man, use a male name, pronouns, I’m outed to family and friends. But now? I am really not sure. I was going to get on testosterone soon but I decided to wait because I just need to figure this out before I do anything.

Do I feel like a man? Not really. Like a woman? Also not much. But I found joy in wearing makeup, long hair, female clothes, I even bought a dress and I love it. I speak about myself in both male and female pronouns, none feel wrong to me. As for name, the thing is I never liked my birth name, even long ago in the childhood. My mom and friends always called me a nickname. The name I am currently using is mostly male but I saw women having it too.

So even when I know my own personality now, my hobbies, likes and dislikes, it turns out I still don’t know who I am. And I am wondering: could my whole "being trans" caused by BPD? Did I just started copying men? I think there were a lot of internal misogyny too, and the fact because of being autistic I was always the weird girl, I liked boys things as a kid (and girls things too).

[u/Business-Industry108]

Maybe you're none binary/fluid or something between that. I'm assigned female at birth. I identify as female but If I'm honest I've changed between genders a couple times for periods of time. I'm not sure why or if it's tied to this diagnosis either! But it's okay to figure yourself out.

[u/Helloimpankeeki]

Well, the only person who'll know that is yourself.

For what it's worth though, I am a trans man with BPD. I, of course, struggle with knowing what my true personality is and what I like. But there's ONE thing that I always knew for certain and never questioned: my gender. I've always been a man, and started feeling tremendous amount of dysphoria once puberty hit.

I'm an adult now and I've been on T and changed my papers years ago. When I look in the mirror, a man is staring back. Every person I interact with sees a man and never questions it. I don't feel that much dysphoria on my day to day life and I feel mostly at peace with my body. It is the ONLY thing about me that's a constant.

I mean, everybody is different. Maybe you're some kind of enby. Maybe you're a man. Maybe you misunderstood yourself and you're a woman. But like, if you don't struggle with dysphoria, or if after a while that questioning doesn't go away, you're probably not trans. (And thats okay too!)

[u/walkingdeadonceagain → u/Helloimpankeeki]

I used to feel body dysphoria but now I really don’t? Maybe it’s therapy and meds and I accepted myself (I have ED too so my body image was a problem). Id definitely make my breasts smaller if possible, but I don’t really feel that I need a top or bottom surgery, or hormones.

[u/Helloimpankeeki → u/walkingdeadonceagain]

Well that's your answer then. You're not trans

[u/corkyrooroo → u/Helloimpankeeki]

Dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans

[u/Helloimpankeeki → u/corkyrooroo]

Let's agree to disagree on this topic

[u/Cool_Poet1884 → u/Helloimpankeeki]

People you interact with are never going to say anything to your face out of manners . (Hopefully.) most of us can spot a trans man or woman a mile away . If you are comfortable and happy that’s what matters - but most of us can tell straight away. Everyone deserves to feel happy in their own skin, as long as they aren’t trying to preach that way of life to people (similar to religion.) advice is one thing, but presenting that as a “cure all” is not accurate . I mean no disrespect in the words I’ve written here .

[u/Helloimpankeeki → u/Cool_Poet1884]

Your comment is pretty off-topic, but let me answer you nonetheless. People tend to be overconfident with their ability to clock trans people in the wild. The ones you notice are usually people in their early transition. Hormones act on you literally like a puberty, so after a few years, we end up blending in with other people. I can guarantee you that the few people I've told about it didn't believe me.

Also, you completely misunderstood my point. I didn't present transition as a magic cure. I said that the only thing constant about myself is that I'm a man. Thus, since I've always been SURE about it, transition was the answer for me. I shared my experience to tell OP that their uncertainty about their identity is a strong sign they're NOT trans and thus, should definitively think it through before acting on it and transitioning. No disrespect either!

[u/Cool_Poet1884 → u/Helloimpankeeki]

Thank you, and I agree. If they are unsure, they Probably aren’t. I’m in the US and believe it or not , have never interacted with a trans person ever. Thank you for educating me, I can’t imagine feeling like the other gender and what that would do to my mind. I’m glad you have found your true self and happiness . I hope OP can too! 🙏🏼

[u/RainbowDashieeee]

You definitely can be non binary and maybe talking with a professional in regards to trans ppl and our issues might be helpful in finding out what will work for you in this regards. Which can also be that you are cis.

Also I'm non binary myself and thought im a trans woman for long, turns out probably not a woman but also not a man.

Still being on estrogen and having had multiple surgeries that still made me more comfortable in my body overall.

This all paired with being AuDHD and BPD.

[u/exuberantraptor_]

it actually can, bpd can make you mimic other people bc you don’t have a full sense of identity yourself, it also has similar mental issues like feeling different to other people and wanting to be someone you’re not bc you don’t like who you are or don’t know who you are. i believe it also makes you more susceptible to “social contagion “ due to higher empathy

[u/corkyrooroo]

I’m amab and identify as nonbinary/agender. I’ve never felt any connection to either gender but im also not dysphoric about my body in trans terms. I enjoy some woman’s clothing and love makeup. I’m also a hairy bear haha. My husband refers to me as a fembear which I’ve found pretty funny.

I will say my journey took a long time, both for BPD and my identity, and there doesn’t need to be a rush for you to get all the answers. Keep discovering you and you’ll learn who you are and want to be.

[u/thirsty_pretzels_]

For 5 years or since you were 5?

[u/walkingdeadonceagain → u/thirsty_pretzels_]

For 5 years, sorry, I made a mistake. I am 24 now, and I started fully identifying as trans man when I was 19. But that was not the first time. When I was around 11 or so, I saw a TV programme about a woman who transitioned to a man. And I cut my hair at home, asked everyone to call me by a male name etc. It didn’t last long, after that I identified as a lesbian woman (I was attracted to women) and then I tried to "fix" myself and identified as heterosexual woman, trying to be attracted to men. Now I’m bisexual since a looong time, and transgender since I was 19. And now I’m questioning.