NOT fucking crazy not losing my mind.

[u/Intrepid_Thanks_6637]

I went to Mental health yesterday due to spiralling mental state lately I want laugh or cry scream an rip my hair out. I do know is everyone is in agreement that my bipolar has got worse speeding up in frequency an is affecting my BPD so I now have rapid cycling ultradian. For the last few years things have just being becoming more OUT OF CONTROL it has been unbearable and I haven't been sleeping or eating properly for ages. I had my last full on manic episode last year can't remember when it was after summer before Christmas so like September October time but could of been August. Then since beginning of the year I've just been progressively getting worse because of stuff I self discharged back end of covid then had to change Gp so in reality no one but me has been monitoring my moods actions from the outside. Anyway I've spent a year trying to get help again an finally after being prescribed a few different medication that have just made me worse a lot worse my bipolar has been reclassified under rapid cycling. Menopause is a bitch that's what sent me over the edge but because I was so young no body ever thought that could be why I got even more crazy in my late 30s by 46 I was post menopausal. I feel fed the fuck up an are you serious omg at least they where very different from each other so easy to tell them apart. Now I just feel like everything has become all more complicated as they are mirroring mimicking each other from all sides awaking nightmare am so so tired of trying to stay float in my own fucking head topped off with terrifed by how am cycling so damn fast it's crazy mind is going a million miles an hour from mania to full on depression all in the same day. I have no hunger or need to sleep if I do i can't stay asleep going so much faster that I can hardly catch my breath it makes sense now because it really felt like me on steroids it was really frustrating because i knew I was not getting worse for no reason. I do feel extremely betrayed be myself though now because I don't know how am going to cope.

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