to people with FPs who have partners

[u/Acceptable_You_544]

how do you do it? i just found out and i feel so betrayed and somewhat offended though i don’t know why. i have a REALLY bad problem with possessiveness. it ruins my relationships as the moment i find out you have a person that i realize you may favor more than me i automatically go into competition with them and it becomes a fight for attention and eventually i begin to attempt to isolate that person. i feel like i’m going insane, i just don’t get why she’d do this to me after i thought we were on the same page. now i think she hates me and that there must be something wrong with me why she’d choose someone else over me. in just a matter of minutes i feel as if my life has lost all its meaning i don’t even see the point in staying alive now what’s the point if she has someone else. this is always the case. there is ALWAYS someone else someone else always has to end up in the picture. i can never just have someone to myself and that isn’t a lot to ask for so i don’t know why this happens to me so much. what should i do and how do i cope with this? i don’t want to do anything bad again.

she was my everything in the sense where i did almost everything for her approval i was living solely for her and i had no issue with that because my life had gotten some form of meaning and it was to impress her and get her to like me as much as i like her..now what..

[u/EnthusiastPeruser]

For context, are you the same gender/orientation as your FP? I know a pwBPD who is an AFAB woman who has an FP who is also AFAB woman. Her FP is hetero, dates men, and she does everything she can to interfere (to the point of lying about infidelity and making other things up).

You might not be doing all that but are very aligned in many ways.

[u/Acceptable_You_544 → u/EnthusiastPeruser]

we’re the same gender yes! (afab) but different orientation though she doesn’t use labels. i also had a FP (afab) in the past who was hetero and rather than lying i would just always encourage her to leave her bf but i don’t want to do that this time around so i’m seeking out help

[u/EnthusiastPeruser → u/Acceptable_You_544]

Don’t sabotage their relationship or even encourage leaving unless it’s warranted (for non-selfish reasons). You wanting them all to yourself does not warrant it. The reason you didn’t know right away they have a partner is possibly somewhat related to your past behavior and them knowing how you feel toward them having feelings for someone else. They might not have been ready to deal w this cyclic behavior.

So her preference is for something that you are not. The fact that she is your friend and has made memories w you and will continue to do so and share parts of her life and time with you is a great gift. So long as she is happy w this person and they are not bad to her, be happy for her.

[u/Acceptable_You_544 → u/EnthusiastPeruser]

i never thought about the fact that that could’ve been the reason why she didn’t tell me, thank you. i’ll try to be happy for her regardless.

[u/EnthusiastPeruser → u/Acceptable_You_544]

Yes, try to be happy for her and I hope that goes well for you. Congratulations on working on yourself too. The long initial write-up and this latest reply shows some self-awareness and that there is an attempt to resolve your issues.