r/BPD • u/HistoricalInjury9754 • 18h ago

❓Question Post Do you ever feel like poison?

Do you ever feel like poison? Like everything you touch becomes infected with your “badness”? I feel that way whether it be relationship, friendship, or something that I get involved with. I feel like I destroy everything around me, almost like the universe is working against me no matter what I do. And I really don’t know what to do about it. I think I must’ve done something really bad in this life or a past life.

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u/havexactchange 17h ago

Yes! Im leaving my partner because of it. I go from committed to get the hell away from me because i split so often. Its devastating but idk what else to do other than to just be alone.

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u/HistoricalInjury9754 17h ago

I relate to that. I’ve tried to leave my gf, but she’s much more resilient than me and reassures me that I’m not as bad as I perceive myself to be. But I feel like one day she’s gonna see it and leave me. I’m terrified of that day coming.

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u/havexactchange 17h ago

The fear of abandonment is so real. Its driven me to make so many mistakes. You should do your best to believe her though so you dont self sabotage.

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u/HistoricalInjury9754 17h ago

Trying my best, but I don’t trust easily…maybe not at all. It’s the most backwards way of living.