r/BPD • u/HistoricalInjury9754 • 18h ago

❓Question Post Do you ever feel like poison?

Do you ever feel like poison? Like everything you touch becomes infected with your “badness”? I feel that way whether it be relationship, friendship, or something that I get involved with. I feel like I destroy everything around me, almost like the universe is working against me no matter what I do. And I really don’t know what to do about it. I think I must’ve done something really bad in this life or a past life.

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u/Mean_Kaleidoscope448 user has bpd 16h ago

Often. I have moments where I see how I act and I ask myself why I’m like this. I have no friends, because I go ghost when I’m overwhelmed, which happens often. My husband assures me that I’m not as broken as I feel, but I’m still terrified that one day he will see me as I see myself and abandon me. Because I feel like too much, for myself, let alone anyone else. I see the way I split and wonder why I can’t just be normal. What did I do to deserve a life where I just want to die? What did I do to deserve feeling like a failure ? I don’t get it. I try my best. I try to be a good friend, mom, wife, but at the end of the day life is so overwhelming that I feel like such a failure all the time.