r/BPD • u/Soctyp user has bpd • 11h ago
💭Seeking Support & Advice Who do you reach out to in a crisis?
I'm curious who you reach out to in a crisis? Do they respond to you? What strategies do you have if they don't answer or can't help you?
I'm fine. I have access to antianxiety meds. Still not what I would like.
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u/Lower-Dragonfly-585 user has bpd 10h ago
Nobody:)
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 10h ago
I'm sorry. That's awful. How do you handle crises then?
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u/Environmental-Low-57 10h ago
Personally ? Isolating the fuck out of myself, putting myself in deep shit and fantasising about how to yet myself out of this earth and then I just wait until I have a little bit of energy to pull me back out. And then crash out again, alone 🙃
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 10h ago
I would recommend sleep otherwise. It is mostly a forgotten tool! Those burst of energy makes you cling on to life because why shouldn't you also be worthy of it? I'll send you hugs stranger!
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u/Environmental-Low-57 10h ago
Oh yeah no my crisis are weeks long where I isolate and sleep for most of it. I have quiet bpd so I don’t rage out I just seclude myself for weeks on end until I have a little tiny bit of energy or something kinda okay happens. In between I also get drunk, go out and talk to strangers, so I guess they are the people I go to when I’m in crisis? 😅
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u/Maleficent-Sleep9900 10h ago
You can sleep during a crisis?!
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u/Environmental-Low-57 5h ago
Yeah, I usually binge eat and do something that’ll tire me out quick with high dopamine reward (used to be self harm now it’s self pleasure so I guess there’s progress there) and I’m out for a couple hours. It’s never a good sleep it’s more « I hate my life and I rather be asleep than awake so I’m numbing myself » type shit. It’s not great. I also stay in bed all day, my crisis are just depression/avoidant filled but it’s how I was brought up and my coping mechanisms since childhood as I wasn’t allowed to be angry, so it makes sense :)
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u/Lower-Dragonfly-585 user has bpd 10h ago
Well, I usually just cry and breakdown until I get exhausted. After that I just get a random load of happiness and adrenaline.
This is what I’ve done for the past year since being diagnosed, it’s not healthy, but seeking help usually makes me more suicidal since nobody knows how to deal with my illness. At least in the ways my counselor and parents do.
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 10h ago
At least that's common coping. Good job!
I don't think that area get talked about enough, how do we treat and expect professionals to handle BPD. What do you feel would have been solution? What would have helped you?
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u/Lower-Dragonfly-585 user has bpd 9h ago edited 8h ago
Thank you. And yeah, exactly, it feels like professionals aren’t really taught how to sit with the intensity of BPD. I think what would’ve helped me is less “fixing” and more just staying present when I’m in crisis, without making me feel like I’m manipulative or a burden.
Sometimes I don’t even need advice, I just need someone to not flinch at my feelings or try to end the session early because it’s “too much.” I have that fear with my current counselor, but I’m planning on discussing things with her at our next session.
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u/Darkling185 11h ago
I would reach out to my exboyfriend... I actually still reach out for him... he is calm and understands my bpd very well and knows all of my quirks and how to read my body languageand my silence... he talks me through what im feeling.. he makes me respond to him.. he will hold me and let me experience my emotions.. but the biggest thing he has done for me is to start to rewire how my internal monolog speaks to me... I have a very negative self image and he is making me acknowledge my positive traits... even when I feel like I dont gave any... I am so very very lucky to have Him.
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 10h ago
That sounds so safe. Like a blanket. I'm really glad for you!
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u/Darkling185 9h ago
He is my safe place...but I am aware of the toll this takes on Him...he is my FP and the love of my life.. we currently aren't together mainly due to my bpd... and its painful... but He will always be there for me... even if I dont deserve it... and that in itself creates such a safety net for me... to know that He will not abandon me as long as I work on me and dont abandon myself... and thats alot of work.
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u/EnthusiastPeruser 11h ago
I’m interested to see the answers, as I have come to learn that depending on the work being put in and how far folks have come along, they will vary greatly. Before certain progress is made pwbpd will have burned different bridges from one another and will not always have the same anchors available, best friend, parent, sibling, etc. Some even burn their therapists.
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 11h ago
I currently have a very limited network. Heavily depended on a close friend and my new therapist. I usually have a few friends but it gotten worse since I started fulltime work. Old contacts from college moved away or the friendships just stopped. But it's hard, as of now, when it's evening/night in Europe and weekend. Sure I could contact the psychiatric emergency but I don't see how it will help me. And it's kind of.. a touchy subject? when I myself work in the field. I just don't want to be alone.
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u/EnthusiastPeruser 8h ago
That does sound like a difficult situation. Are there meetings or anything like that on meetup app where you can find ppl w similar backgrounds or interests toale friends with where you are?
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u/Desperate-Carrot594 11h ago
My therapist ussualy check on me regularly now, but before i came here or install some app to talk to strangers, which idk is the best answer, things can get confusing. But the best answer is family or friends. Somebody tha know you in this way . That ussualy what i find appealing of reaching out. I feel more comfortable with someone tha know me
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 10h ago
I had a lovely therapist that sadly left for other tasks in the organisation. I still use tools for managing these moments but it's hard when all you want is support, like someone who gets you? I recently used a llm for gudience in a critical situation and it helped but it isn't a good solution. It was better than nothing at least.
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u/Major_Zone_4310 10h ago
What's a crisis.
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u/cooldudeman007 user has bpd 9h ago
Usually it means “I’m going to do something really harmful because I don’t know what else to do”
What that looks like can vary a lot
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u/Maleficent-Sleep9900 10h ago
I don’t have anyone now, and in the past it only made me feel disempowered to do so.
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u/unremarkable19 11h ago
988 is hit and miss, but it's always worth a shot. It's been my go-to on the worst days.
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 10h ago
I guess that is some kind of emergency number in your country?
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u/unremarkable19 8h ago
I'm sorry.. My world is very small and I genuinely forget there are other countries sometimes. I'm not even trying to be funny, it's just a weirder place than non-americand might realize.
If there is no such service available to you, I can make a suggestion? It's going to sound ridiculous, but it might be helpful to vent to an object if there is no person available. In my darkest moments I'll find a rock or stuffed animal or whatever and tell it what's bothering me. Really have a conversation with it. It sounds dumb but it might be almost as much help as calling a hotline because all they can really do is ask you to keep talking until you start to calm down.
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u/87-percent-gay 10h ago
Sometimes my therapist, but they normally refer me to the backup clinician at the practice unless they happen to have extra time. I don't like talking to the backup clinician since the old one changed jobs so not really anyone for the most part. I'll just tell my therapist about it afterwards. I'm really grateful that I have this service available, but it just doesn't really work well for me anymore. I've reached out to 988 before and didn't like it. I've reached out to the trans lifeline which I liked more than 988, but still don't use that often either.
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u/Soctyp user has bpd 10h ago
Well you have realized you reached a point where your needs is different than before. Growth I would say.
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u/87-percent-gay 7h ago
Oh no mentally I'm still in a really bad place and barely skirting by hospitalization for months at this point. I definitely need the services still, but feel unable to access them. My therapist has been really concerned about me not calling when I'm in crisis anymore
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u/NotCaptainHolly user has bpd 10h ago
Myself lol sometimes I will text my best friend about what the situation is but we're both working adults so she's not going to answer until she has time to which is fine. I usually just cry and try to go to sleep. I will feel at least a little better when I wake up and be able to think more clearly.
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u/Destro-Cobra 10h ago
I tend to reach out to my partner, but for about 6 months I was in a constant crisis, and he got sick of me, so now when I'm in crisis he just treats it like any other day and kinda ignores me.
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u/jade-boi user has bpd 10h ago
I reach out to my own coping skills. If I can’t soothe myself I talk to my husband, or attempt to talk without exploding. But that’s a 10 out of 10 bad day. I occasionally call my mom, brother, other family or a friend just to distract me. I used to call my best friend, and explode and he always understood and immediately made me feel better, but he passed this summer.
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u/cooldudeman007 user has bpd 9h ago
Depends.
I reach out to my BPD friends who get it. I let them know I love them, and I’m scared, and I’m going to do my best. They answer when they can, might be a minute later or a few days later, either way helps.
Sometimes I’ll try to surround myself with people who are okay with me being upset around them. Family and friends who don’t understand it firsthand, but have been a part of my life long enough to know how to support me. They know I often go nonverbal during crises, or need catharsis, or need a glass of water and some meds.
If none of that is available, and I’m by myself. I try to find catharsis with harm reduction in mind. I wasn’t always able to do that, it took a lot of practice when the temperature was warm to be able to do it when the temperature was boiling. Things like throwing rocks at the ground, hitting my drums, squeezing ice cubes, TIPP, breaking sticks in half, etc
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u/Traditional-Tour7351 8h ago
My husband and my sister . I don’t really have anyone else but the accept me for who I am. Also if you need anyone to talk to my DMs are open. Goes for anyone feeling alone. I know it is hard.
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u/morningorchid__ user has bpd 5h ago
I have some people I could reach out to in times of crisis, but majority of the time I choose to self-isolate and try to calm down. Personally, when I’m like that, I don’t believe people at all. I need to comfort myself in a way I know how: I pretend I’m comforting someone else. It’s easier that way for me, and I can see some logic. After all, I seem to know best at times for other people (not all the time), why can’t I do it for myself?
There have been times where I reach out but ultimately I feel too guilty to actually go in depth about my feelings. That shit is heavy.
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u/a_bed_of_vinca_minor user has bpd 2h ago
I’ve gotten pretty lucky with that most times I fall into crisis I am already with somebody - usually my friends.
They helped me so much and I’m grateful for their understanding in those situations even though they came completely out of the blue for them (and were probably scary as fuck to them)
Otherwise, I might call my GF or tank it on my own and dissociate.
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u/AnimalAmy91 11h ago
Nobody. Reaching out during a crisis never ends well for me or anyone I reach out to. Occasionally I'll ring a helpline, but honestly, I just don't think they are equipped to handle a BPD crisis - I went to a local suicide prevention mental health crisis centre and had the most traumatic experience.