My Psychiatrist told me i had all the symptoms of bpd and fit the diagnosis criteria, but told me he would not diagnose me because its stigmatizing and will "work against me" in the world. Its pretty confusing, a bit upsetting ( as im now not allowed meds due to "not having the required illness" for it) he also said that im "not malicious enough " for the diagnosis to be "nessacary" and that kind of rubbed me the wrong way to be honest.

But i was wondering if its fine to say i have it, even tho im not diagnosed.

her new song off her new album “don’t worry i’ll make you worry” resonates with me SO heavily… it’s exactly how I feel towards my partner in the middle of a split. not saying my actions are justifiable by any means, and i’m sure she wasn’t even thinking about bpd individuals whilst writing this song but it feels good to have my feelings represented through music.

Trying hard not to split rn 😭 I was just excited about this new music video I found and wanted to show her and she watched 20-30 seconds of it and went back to scrolling TikTok and I said I really wanted her to watch it and she said she was uninterested in it and it was too long and she never watches music videos. I told her I wanted to talk to her about it and she said I still could but why would I when it’s uninteresting to you? Ugh and I just woke up feeling sick today, I have fibromyalgia and so I get sick easy and asked her a while ago multiple times to ask her boss if she could mask at work for her disabled partner she lives with and she still hasn’t. She knows I’m mad at her, I went outside to smoke and I don’t want to talk about it tonight it could make me more upset and she has been working a lot so I don’t want to drain her more… I think TikTok rotted my partners brain 😞

I am unable to not belive in god. For me he is real. But I had get in a point in my life that I cant beleive be loves me as I think he did before.

I dont hate hum but i think maybe he does hates me.

I think god wants me to be a fucking villaness like Judas was. I mean He chose him in order to be betrayed and judas goes to hell.

Like any other persom thst Beleived in a dofferent god and he just help His chosen people to kill them...

I mean Dave and other kings they were warriors killer whatever. The ones eho belived in other things... I mean.. god did not shoe gim self to them.

He chose the Jew snd the christian.

I feel like I am like just an antsgonist of domebody else story...

I wish god just kill me.

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share something that happened recently and get some perspective.

Im 18F, have BPD, and I’ve been in therapy since I was 12 (multiple therapists), but sometimes my reactions still surprise me.

I had a text conversation with my therapist over a couple of days. I was calm and reflective at first, checking in about a journaling method I’m using and making sure I was respecting boundaries.

Then she sent a message reminding me of a boundary about not reaching out between sessions (unless scheduling). I felt okay with it at first, but after a bit, I sent this:

“Never mind, I’d actually prefer if you texted me letting me know you’re leaving on Monday, the 8th. I am done texting. I am only going to hurt you, I don’t want to do that so I might just have to take your number out of my phone or something. But please text me saying you’re going to leave that morning. I’m never going to get good at boundaries, and I just have to accept that. I’ll hear from you that morning, I probably won’t come either. I’m sorry I’m being like this.”

I was spiralling at the time I sent it, but I know now that it might come across as intense or self-sabotaging. My brain immediately jumped to thinking she might leave me because of it.

She never said she was leaving, she stated her boundary, and let me know when we’d see each other next. But something about it triggered me.

So I felt relieved when I hit send, but now that it’s out there and I’ve calmed down, I feel so guilty. I’m trying to understand. Is this the sort of reaction BPD causes or am I just being a shitty person?

How do I manage the fear and anxiety around her boundaries without sending something like this? Also, how do I stop judging myself after sending texts like these?

Any insight or advice would be really appreciated. Thanks.

I was BEST friends with this girl for a year and she was the first person who actually seemed to care about my depression and take me seriously, when we were friends it was probably pretty much the worst place I’d ever been in mentally. I got extremely attached and blah blah blah. Basically it’s been over 3 years since we stopped being friends and I still have dreams about her 2-3 nights a week and I am totally not over her. I wish she would just hug me and tell me it will all be ok. She doesn’t give a damn about me anymore. I tried reaching out to be friends again twice, once when we weren’t friends for 8 months, and again when we hadn’t been friends for a year and 3 months. She’s stubborn and sorta fucked up and mean but I miss her. I don’t know why, she’s just a person, but my soul was so deeply invested in our friendship. I have never loved another person the way I loved her. She’s my Roman Empire and I think about and miss her every day. I’ve thought about paying her to hang out with me (I don’t even know if she’d say yes) but I feel like that’s so desperate and ridiculous. I probably seem like a crazy obsessive ex to her, and to be fair I guess I’m kinda that, but I mean well. I just want her to hold me. I miss her so much and I have dreams about her and then I wake up and ruminate the whole day about her. I had a dream last night that I begged and begged her to be my friend and she said yes and then we planned all these crafts to do and then we were gonna hang out the next day and then the next day comes and she had blocked me on everything. I feel like I will never have closure and I don’t think she cares about me but I think she likes that she has power over me. I just am toast in the grand scheme of things relating to missing her. I’ve been in the psych hospital 3x because of missing her and I feel it creeping up on me again. I don’t know what to do. It’s been over 3 years!!!!!! What am I supposed to do? Just let it pass? Well, letting it pass is not working! And I talk to my therapist about it all the time and it’s not something a therapist can solve. I just don’t know why I can’t move on or how. Please someone help me I literally am going crazy missing her

I'm a fellow BPD'er! is it normal for people with bpd to have a history of being very close with their mom? I've seen it in memes on SoMe and heard about it in a podcast. I have always been very close with my mom, and afraid that she was going to abandon me because my fathers home was horrible. So I've always been very nice to her, and always had trouble confronting her when I felt that she was tough or strict... She always said to me that she really wants me to tell her how I'm feeling, but when I did/do, she would neglect what I was saying and tell me that I'm wrong and too sensitive.

anyone familiar with this?

Today was a good day but a minor inconvenience happened and I got really depressed and now I have suicidal ideas and I think life has no meaning and I think im actually crazy like something wrong in my brain and I’m gonna lose it. Is it a common symptom of BPD?

I know I won’t harm myself but the ideas are really strong and take over my entire mind I don’t feel okay with anything nothing is making me feel better, I try to sleep and even the way I lay down doesn’t feel good I’m really sad and worried I’m going actually insane

So this guy I met recently was trying to be my friend or so I thought, right after he kinda blew me off, I go to see that he unfriended me. I keep replaying in my head what I could have done wrong as well as knowing his behavior was kinda shitty, especially after he told me how he didn't like this behavior from others. He turns around and does it to me and I'm not sure how to get the rage to go away. I'm having a hard time dealing with all the wounds this opens up for me. We weren't even close but this died not help my abandonment issues man😭

so i wanted to make a post because i don’t know what to do anymore and everything i’m coming with it’s not good or is not applied, my bf has bpd and over the time i tried to understand what he feels and how he thinks but obviously i wont understand completely because i don’t know how it is or i’m not the same, i did all wrong in the relationship (so far 8 months in a few days 9), at first i wasn’t a good gf cause i don’t know how to act like one, i don’t have many relationships to have experience but he does and he told me like an advice do that do that, but i didn’t know how to apply them, then he found out some things about me that i didn’t tell him because i was afraid of him leaving me but obv i did nothing but to do the situation worse, he forgave me and stuff, i promised all the time that ill do better ill change that etc.. but i didn’t

now the problem is that this summer he came to work in my town because we’re also in a ldr (long distance relationship) and he has just a few days left to be here, we’re still arguing about me changing and i actually am changing but idk if he s not paying attention enough or just stressed with something else, in all the arguments i’ve came with ideas and advices for the problem we have and i can say the most recent one was about not communicating enough, i don’t know with what ideas to come and advices for the relationship, he often is splitting and it’s on me even thought i’m his FP and i can’t calm him because since that thing with the lying nothing is working (before that my voice was calming him) not even sweet words or ideas or anything else

please help me

i'm having a really rough time leaving everything behind for college. i've always been extremely sentimental and right now in my head it's just, "this is the last time i ever see/do ________" over and over again. i can't help but feel like everyone is leaving me even if im the one leaving them. who knows who'll stay after im away from everyone. only time can tell and it's killing me

I am AFAB, autistic and recently diagnosed with BPD too. I identify myself as trans man since around 5 years. But here’s the thing. One of BPD "things" is the lack of personality thing, and I am noticing I was "copying" people a lot. That includes everything, looks, hobbies, etc.

So now I am taking medication, going to therapy and my life is improving a lot. And I started noticing that I am becoming myself. I’m coming back to hobbies I really liked but left, I am leaving the ones that I am not actually interested in.

And that includes the looks too. I had my hair short and dyed dark, now I am growing them out and I dyed them a pretty warm blonde shade. I completely changed my clothing style, it’s like I never knew what I really liked and I liked everything and just now I’m understanding what I actually like.

And here comes "the trans thing". Since around five years, I identify myself as trans man, use a male name, pronouns, I’m outed to family and friends. But now? I am really not sure. I was going to get on testosterone soon but I decided to wait because I just need to figure this out before I do anything.

Do I feel like a man? Not really. Like a woman? Also not much. But I found joy in wearing makeup, long hair, female clothes, I even bought a dress and I love it. I speak about myself in both male and female pronouns, none feel wrong to me. As for name, the thing is I never liked my birth name, even long ago in the childhood. My mom and friends always called me a nickname. The name I am currently using is mostly male but I saw women having it too.

So even when I know my own personality now, my hobbies, likes and dislikes, it turns out I still don’t know who I am. And I am wondering: could my whole "being trans" caused by BPD? Did I just started copying men? I think there were a lot of internal misogyny too, and the fact because of being autistic I was always the weird girl, I liked boys things as a kid (and girls things too).

I got diagnosed with EUPD when I was 15. I'm 19 now. I recently found a negative review about my psychologist on reddit. So I texted the person who posted the review and apparently they got misdiagnosed with BPD. And I've been so doubtful ever since. I have always felt that I don't have BPD because neither do I experience most of the symptoms nor can i relate with the people who have it. For context I'm trans (FTM) and my psychologist sees my gender dysphoria as a sign of BPD. But i'm very much sure of my gender identity. I have this doubt whether I am neurodivergent or not and it's been bothering me for a while. I am planning to see another psychologist soon

I went to Mental health yesterday due to spiralling mental state lately I want laugh or cry scream an rip my hair out. I do know is everyone is in agreement that my bipolar has got worse speeding up in frequency an is affecting my BPD so I now have rapid cycling ultradian. For the last few years things have just being becoming more OUT OF CONTROL it has been unbearable and I haven't been sleeping or eating properly for ages. I had my last full on manic episode last year can't remember when it was after summer before Christmas so like September October time but could of been August. Then since beginning of the year I've just been progressively getting worse because of stuff I self discharged back end of covid then had to change Gp so in reality no one but me has been monitoring my moods actions from the outside. Anyway I've spent a year trying to get help again an finally after being prescribed a few different medication that have just made me worse a lot worse my bipolar has been reclassified under rapid cycling. Menopause is a bitch that's what sent me over the edge but because I was so young no body ever thought that could be why I got even more crazy in my late 30s by 46 I was post menopausal. I feel fed the fuck up an are you serious omg at least they where very different from each other so easy to tell them apart. Now I just feel like everything has become all more complicated as they are mirroring mimicking each other from all sides awaking nightmare am so so tired of trying to stay float in my own fucking head topped off with terrifed by how am cycling so damn fast it's crazy mind is going a million miles an hour from mania to full on depression all in the same day. I have no hunger or need to sleep if I do i can't stay asleep going so much faster that I can hardly catch my breath it makes sense now because it really felt like me on steroids it was really frustrating because i knew I was not getting worse for no reason. I do feel extremely betrayed be myself though now because I don't know how am going to cope.

i really hope someone responds to this. sorry first time really posting on reddit. kind of a long story i really need to get a hold on my life and this relationship. i have been seeing this man for the last year. he has manipulated, gaslight, verbally, and mentally abused me, and i let him so that is also my fault. not and excuse more of an explanation, i grew up physically and verbally abused by my father, he gave me black eyes, broke my nose etc. so i don’t have the best coping skills in relationships with men.

i have a ptsd diagnosis due to my childhood, but my therapist recently diagnosed with me borderline personality disorder. i also recently got diagnosed with adhd. i have read and learned that both of these disorders make it very hard to move on, even from bad situations such as this. i care for him a lot, i once was very much in love with him. in a way i feel bad for him but i am a pretty successful women for my age, and he is very mad at where he is at in life. he tells me he struggles with depression as well and wants to get a hold on his life and i feel the same. we enjoy a lot of the same things and laugh together. but, we should’ve ended things a long time ago, i do and we have multiple times, but i always end up unblocking him and he ends up reaching out. or, i leave him unblocked on one platform so he can reach out. he tells me he’s “too selfish” to leave me alone. the longest i’ve had him fully blocked, no contact, in all the time that we’ve known each other was 3 weeks, which was recently and i just started seeing him again this month.

sorry i am rambling, just trying to explain our situation and background, but i just found out last week i am pregnant. we had already talked about what we would do in a situation like this and it was an abortion. i told him and he was supportive of my feelings and my choices at first then he progressively as the days went on got meaner and meaner to me. he fully blames me and says it’s my fault that i got pregnant. his main reasoning was when i forgot to take a plan be after we had an accident, but i got my period 3 days later. this was months ago, i’ve had my period twice since then. i took a plan b the last time we had sex which was about 4 weeks ago since we had another accident and i ended up pregnant, even after taking a plan b. he still blames me.

he asked me to hangout because he has been sad recently. we had a conversation that led into a fight and he doesn’t want to pay for the abortion anymore, i don’t know what to do. this is not what i want for myself and i am so lost, disgusted and disappointed in myself i just need advice on how to navigate this experience.

Hi. I’ll start by saying I’m in high school, which is already a very high stress environment, so I know that my problems may just need time before I can give them my full attention. Additionally, I am not diagnosed with BPD nor am I looking to get a diagnosis any time soon, but I have noticed that a lot of my behaviors are very similar to BPD, so I’d like to ask some questions.

First, how do I deal with wanting to avoid my best friends, while also never wanting to lose them? For example, my best friends right now are obviously seen very positively by me, and I want to spend time with them and be a vital part of the group. However, with some of my friends that I no longer see as often, I shift very frequently between wishing I could be involved in everything they are involved in and wanting to never speak to them again. I believe this is similar to anxious avoidant attachment, as I either want everything or nothing when it comes to maintaining relationships, and I’ve come to realize it’s because I don’t want them to replace me or think poorly about me. It’s just hard, and I’m curious if there’s anything I can do to make these shifting emotions less intense.

I also wonder, how easily do most people make emotional attachments? I’ve always found that, as soon as someone does something that I see positively (i.e. they are nice to me, have a similar interest, or are funny) I get attached very quickly to the idea of becoming friends with them. I want to be needed and known, which is so, so difficult when it seems that I want it from every single person that isn’t awful to me (and even then, there have been exceptions). How on earth am I supposed to know how I actually feel about people when I’m constantly trying to impress them and be accepted by them?

This one is a little more complicated, as it involves relationships and sexuality. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, or really even a casual one. Despite that, and the fact that I don’t think I’m really ready for a relationship given my current circumstances in life, I seem to think that anyone I’m friendly with + emotionally attached to is a relationship candidate. And I mean everyone. Which is also really difficult, because I largely consider myself to be on the asexuality/aromanticism spectrum, as the attraction I may feel is very fickle, given my previous point. I don’t actually know if there is a way to tell if what I feel is attraction or just a really strong sense of wanting to be needed and loved and to give that to someone in return, especially in a physical way (not sexual, most of the time). Which would be fine, if that wasn’t everyone. Is there really any way to tell the difference between the two?

I’m just so tired of being mad at myself for things I don’t know how to manage, and that I am only recently figuring out possible explanations for. Any advice or kindness is greatly appreciated. I’m doing my best to just get by.

I co-chair a volunteer committee, by and for pwBPD, at a mental health nonprofit. The thing is, I’m rather far removed from my diagnosis and those early days at this point. So I desperately need to hear from people who are still in the thick of it.

I sometimes feel like I don’t know what this community needs, so I’m here to ask.

What would you want to see, have access to, participate in, etc? Hit me!

how do you do it? i just found out and i feel so betrayed and somewhat offended though i don’t know why. i have a REALLY bad problem with possessiveness. it ruins my relationships as the moment i find out you have a person that i realize you may favor more than me i automatically go into competition with them and it becomes a fight for attention and eventually i begin to attempt to isolate that person. i feel like i’m going insane, i just don’t get why she’d do this to me after i thought we were on the same page. now i think she hates me and that there must be something wrong with me why she’d choose someone else over me. in just a matter of minutes i feel as if my life has lost all its meaning i don’t even see the point in staying alive now what’s the point if she has someone else. this is always the case. there is ALWAYS someone else someone else always has to end up in the picture. i can never just have someone to myself and that isn’t a lot to ask for so i don’t know why this happens to me so much. what should i do and how do i cope with this? i don’t want to do anything bad again.

she was my everything in the sense where i did almost everything for her approval i was living solely for her and i had no issue with that because my life had gotten some form of meaning and it was to impress her and get her to like me as much as i like her..now what..

I started getting really into this show, hyperfixated on it, drawing it all the time and consuming tons of media for it, I was really enjoying it.

Then conveniently RIGHT after I started getting really into it and being open about liking it, someone in my household that I HATE is all of a sudden "into" it. They made it their phone lockscreen and now they're constantly watching videos about it or talking about it.

They never cared about it before, I don't even think they knew what it was, but now all of a sudden after I got into it, they got into it.

It's making me start to completely hate what I used to love. I hate thinking about it, I hate seeing anything of it, I hate hearing about it. All because someone I hate that lives with me copied my interest in it.

It's making me really miserable and making my BPD go off really bad. Last night I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe and I took melatonin during the day to sleep because I couldn't handle how I was feeling.

It sounds silly but I feel SO shit over this and I can't just "ignore it" because they fucking live with me.

They treat me like shit and I've always hated them, and now I'm starting to hate this because of them. What do I do??

I'm such a pitiful disgrace. I feel nothing yet everything. I wish to be alone and I wish to have company. I wish to be complex and I wish to be basic.

I'm truly, honestly worthless. I can mask but that doesn't take away from the truth. I will never be enough for anyone. It's a rotten curse I was born with.

Please, no advice, relatability is fine and what I post for.

I’m a step-parent of a newly diagnosed teen with emerging BPD. I’d love any advice that you can share about things your parents/caregivers did that helped when you were younger. Also, are there things you recommend we avoid? Thank you in advance!

Anyone else feel like you’re the only one in your relationship that ever causes issues? My partner is wonderful and accommodating and it’s hard to find a memory of a time they genuinely fucked up; not just cause they’re my FP but also cause they’re just a very emotionally regulated person. Whenever we have an issue to discuss or a problem, it’s always something I’ve caused. And the worst part is that I work really hard to fix the issue, but then I just find another thing I need to work on. Like the boulder that one guy pushes over and over, I just keep finding new problems with myself every time I fix another.