After 10 years of BPD consuming my life I finally do not fit the criteria for BPD anymore. My symptoms are almost not showing and I manage to regulate my feelings as a "normal" person would, just with extra steps!! I am so happy but I'm also like, wtf who am I now???? My identity is gone LMFAO but it is a good thing!!!

Edit: I didn't expect this much of a respons and I try to answer everyone, please bear with me lol. Your comments make me cry tears from joy. And to those reading this: I'm PROUD of you, I love you and you are deserving of every ounce of happiness that comes your way. Thank you guys so much (truly makes me emotional) 🤍

My therapist and I are starting off slow with getting me to recognize my splitting behavior. I found that when I’m splitting on someone I am seething on the inside with anger. I never outwardly direct my anger at others (other than my ex spouse & father), so I didn’t even know what I was doing was splitting.

The extreme internalized anger I feel about someone who I feel has wronged me in some way is now my indicator that makes me recognize I might be splitting on someone.

I recognized for the FIRST EVER TIME, that I split on a coworker last week. I was cold to her during my split, but I recognized that I truly wasn’t upset with her, it was about me. I went up and then started chatting with her to smooth things over, whereas I would usually just keep my distance from the person I’m splitting on, and I felt so much better in the end.

HUGE PROGRESS FOR ME. Little by little, and I know soon I’ll recognize when I split on people I love. I have so much hope for that.

I’m proud of myself

just what the title says! i genuinely think ive found the one and ive noticed that my symptoms have gone way down. i used to split on my ex all the time and i was in such a dark place, my manic and depressive episodes were awful. but with my boyfriend i have noticed that its so much less intense and way less common. i still have episodes and i still struggle with a lot, but feeling such a genuine love has made me feel so much peace. its so amazing to know that somebody CAN and DOES love me, even with my illness. he has been so kind and supportive, i feel so safe to just be who i am, flaws and all. ive been so much kinder to myself, ive been a lot more aware of when im having issues, its been such a relief.

so basically tl;dr, i am very happy and very much in love :) life does get better, they werent bullshitting me haha

I’m 16 and was diagnosed with BPD at 14 (due to my symptoms being overly severe, and having to be put on medication asap). For as long as I can remember, I’ve been mourning my childhood, knowing I’ll never again be loved simply for existing and being small. I stopped enjoying my birthdays around age 6, realizing each year meant fewer mistakes forgiven and less freedom to enjoy what I like. On my 12th birthday, I cried, convinced childhood was over. "12 sounds so much bigger than 11." When I started having favorite people (unlike the shorter fixations I've had on people as a child), it made me forget about everything else. Having a favorite person made that fear fade, until she left. Then it came back even worse, and I spent months feeling envy, grief, and this evil voice that my bpd is would constantly make sure to let me know how I've “wasted" my childhood worrying about growing up, and that there's nothing I can do to go back now.

One day, I grabbed my roller skates and went to the park, worried what people would think of me. But then I heard a gentler voice, “You are a kid, go be one!! What are you waiting for?” And then I realized I still have two years left to enjoy my childhood, and I don’t want to waste them.

I know nobody cares about this but I just felt like saying it. It feels nice to do so🥹

Just finished a big ass sobbing session. To my surprise I had no mascara running down my cheeks… just little flakes. That wipe away with no smudging. It’s like my tears never existed.

Then I remembered I’m wearing my new mascara, it’s the caliray ‘come hell or high water’. Extremely funny name.. now I know why the name starts with come hell.

I will NEVER hesitate to cry in a full face of makeup ever again, I might even start to do it more often just to talk about how much I love this mascara. Dare I say this small experience has made me feel completely better. I’ll also add that this mascara is so pretty and my lashes have never looked better. Go buy this shit now

Last year I adpoted a kitten and I can't even put in words how much she's been helping me. Taking her home with me was in fact an impulsive decision, but it was the best thing I ever did. If it wasn't for her my last major episode would've ended drastically bad, I only came out of bed to take care of her and play a bit, and everytime she sees me crying almost immediately she lays down on my chest so I can pet her. If I could give y'all any advice aside of taking your treatment seriously is have a pet. They'll give you the sense of responsibility and distract you when you're down, plus you'll have a pure love that doesn't go away

At least, I think I figured it out for now.

1. We all have to learn to forgive ourselves and tell ourselves that no matter what happens, good or bad we will be OK. I think our main problem with BPD is forgiveness because every single decision feels like it is permanent and we can't fix it and never turn back. But that is not true. All of life is pretty much grey and there are only a handful of things that are black and white. I know this may not be helpful advice for everyone but I think one of the main issues that makes BPD so hard to live with is that we think everything is absolute, the good and the bad and especially the ugly. I think like this we will hate ourselves less and hate others less. The threat of intimacy and being human and being hurt will be mitigated. I don't know others will achieve this but for me I think it will be through prayer and connection with God. By focusing on God or energy or a power bigger than me, i find that my own feelings seem less intense and less important and less burdensome. Instead of feeling like I have the responsibility to solve all of life's ills, I know that its not my problem. Only what I can do in this moment is. This takes a lot of work and a lot of active hushing and shoo-ing of repetitive thoughts. Something that is not of this world puts everything into perspective. There is no way that my feelings are more important than other stars in the galaxy. Than an omniscient power bigger than me and my feeble human body. What about you guys?
2. Be in love with the moment instead of all the contents of the moment. This way you can be detached without being avoidant. Instead of looking for love in others and objects and relationships, be the love yourself and you will find that everything flows easier. The most important thing is to remember that you want peace more than a filling a void. You cannot make up for lost time, you cannot ask people to be your parents again or fix the hurt from the past. Attachment to the past or future is the worst recipe for instability and inner emotional turbulence. Even in very dark and trying times you have to remember this.

What do you all think?

I didn't know what flair to use, nor do I know if this is the right place to post about this, but I just really wanted to tell someone!!!! :D
I'm 23 now!

My friends got me some amazing gifts, I got 2 cakes (a strawberry one and a chocolate one)
Baked a cake by myself too in the middle of the night, haha

They surprised me with a little trip to the cinema and we watched Despicable Me 4!
Got myself some slush ice and popcorn

TW : Mentions of Suicide
I'm just happy that I made it this far because I considered ending it on my birthday at the beginning of the year
Glad I had my partner and new found friends with me that helped me get through this nightmare!!

I read a lot of posts about FPs and I agree that having a Favourite Person is a huge part of the disorder, like we are trying to gain the attention and care that our parents didn't give to us.

When I was in school, I would become obsessed with one girl in my friend group that I realize now was my FP - a level of obsession I didn't understand. I figured it was a crush, which it normally was or it turned into one.

Now I'm 31, and I've had many relationships (that imploded lol). I'm realizing that the way I'm getting better is to focus on myself as my own FP. It's kind of like a dual personality 😄 the ugly negative girl is battling the strong happy girl. I have a boyfriend of 2 years but I realized he's not my FP. I'm trying to make my favourite person be me.

I'm a 22M psychology graduate. I just got into a top 5 Psychiatric Research program for my master's!!! I knew ever since I got diagnosed with BPD and studied it academically that helping "my people" was my calling.

I want to eventually get my Ph.D. and specialize in BPD as a clinician and a researcher and this is the biggest step I took towards that goal. The only issue was that, sadly, it was hard tailoring a BPD-related study to what professors would be interested in since there isn't much interest in BPD in top universities. But I managed to do it!!

My research is focused on early detection of BPD symptoms in schools. Hopefully, one day it will transform into providing interventions to teenagers from a young age before it progresses. I know the pain of wasting years of my life wondering what's wrong with me and feeling so alone and different from everybody around me. Not that it's all gone now, but it's much easier to manage when you get some insight. :)

I'm so excited and terrified at the same time. I don't think I can ever forgive myself if I wasted this opportunity. Especially since I would be failing people who are going through what I went through when I desperately needed help. I really hope I don't mess this up. Wish me luck :)

Thank you for all the support!! I was so happy reading all your goals and achievements. I wish all of you the best of luck. Much love to all of you!

my boyfriend said he’s noticed a huge shift in my mood for the positive. right after the walk i go ahead and care for my plants then shower, eat, meditate and journal a bit. i guess getting the heart rate up is what’s doing it but i’ve never been better. it’s to the point now where i cannot miss a morning. anyone else do a little bit of cardio in the morning?? i’m just thankful to not hate my life anymore!! 😭❤️

I know a lot of people don’t want to hear this and I sure as hell wouldve gone crazy if someone said this to me but heres the truth coming from someone who was a revolving door patient 4 years ago and is now no longer meeting the criteria for bpd- the only way to actually get better and achieve it is to try to get better and to make a huge effort. I’m not going to sugar coat this into saying that it’s easy but I see so many posts on this page of people complaining that their life is so bad and theres nothing they can do and their toxic actions are just explained away by their mental illness. Sorry to say but that is bullshit. Yes your life was hard, yes you think differently, yes yes yes I understand I have been there. But if you continue to blame every toxic thing that you do on having bpd its going to get you nowhere in life. The thing that helped me the most is seperating myself from bpd and recognising that MY actions were not caused by having bpd. I did a lot of fucked up shit and just blamed it on bpd and in no way was that okay. The second I actively started trying to get better by keeping myself accountable from doing shitty things to other people, the minute I recognised that if I hated the hospital so much I had to stop doing shit to end up there and I had to recognise that often without maybe conciously meaning to I was often just ending up there to spite someone else and prove that I was sick. My life turned around when I ACTIVELY TRIED to get better and not just from a surface level, I made friends, I became genuinely happy, I found a HEALTHY relationship and I realised that hurting myself was hurting everyone else. Yes everyone says you have to do a lot of therapy to get better and thats true to an extent - therapy and DBT wont magically help unless you are actively trying to fix yourself step by step everyday and actually using the techniques given to you to stop yourself and regulate your emotions - not just saying you are and still ending up hurting yourself or others because “I have BPD so I have an excuse and I can”.

I will probably get attacked for making this post but people with BPD including myself have been victims our whole lives, the minute I stopped allowing myself to be a victim of the illness and recognised that I myself was the illness is the minute I fixed things. I have been out of hospital for 3 years, attempt free for 2, self harm free for ages and have a good job, good friends, healthy relationship and NORMAL life. I know that I still have “quirks” but I use communication instead of being an upset emotional asshole and I think about the consequences of my actions on not only myself but also others. I get trauma, I get feeling hopeless and helpless but I have made it through every single time I have flashbacks or feel like shit for the past 2 years and keeping myself accountable was the ONLY way that I was able to do that. And if I can you can too. Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

I’ve been wanting to end things with my fp after learning proper boundaries and honestly I put it off for 2 weeks because I was scared of “being mean” but today I just typed it out and pressed send.

I only just texted them and I’m scared to check if they messaged back or not (my notifications are off) I’m proud of myself. It’s okay to tell people what your needs are and what you’re not okay with.

There is no shame in it, healthy things shouldn’t make you feel shame or guilt. It’s perfectly fine and doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s such a small thing but I feel so much more in charge of my mind now. I can’t control people but with enough self love and patience I can control my reactions. Ty for reading if you made it this far🫶

Edit- thanks so much for all the support❤️

I’ve heard about women being misdiagnosed w bpd even tho it’s autism. Things I’ve discovered WAS IN FACT NOT BPD:

-my attempts was not depression, I was just overwhelmed by everything -those weren’t panic attack I had meltdowns -me yelling/being angry w people, again I was overwhelmed and couldn’t explain myself -sh helped me w overstimulation

Yes I also had panic attacks, and depression and eating disorders and stuff but not all of the panic attack were caused by it and not every attempt was bc I was depressed.

I was trying to get tested for autism for the past two years, now they finally did it.

Idk my life makes so much more sense now. And yes maybe I also have bpd but not all of my symptoms are.

Idk just wanted to share 🥺

Well, I had a bit of a scare this morning involving my BF, Patrick that almost led to me breaking things off with him for good.

We had been talking about our sexual pasts last night and this morning, Patrick decided to share an experience he had with his ex with me, feeling safe enough to share. Unfortunately, he didn't tell me it happened several months before he met me so I was under the assumption that he had cheated on me.

I was panicking and debating breaking up with him but I decided to get more information so I wouldn't be jumping to conclusions. Then he clarified that it happened before he met me. We had a nice little talk about it. Patrick apologized for upsetting me and I apologized for not asking right away when this happened. We both agreed to work on our communication skills.

And I'm proud of myself for choosing to get more information instead of letting fight or flight take over.

Today my boyfriend was busy and didn’t text me first thing like he usually does. I was rational. I assumed he was busy and sure enough he was. I didn’t even get upset at all as perfectly OK with it. That’s a first. I’m always reading into it getting upset, even if I don’t voice it to him, but I did not overreact today and was completely rational. I’m gonna count it as a victory that should be shared.

Years of dbt, suffering with splitting, hating myself, guilt. Then seperating from a harmful situation, healing from an organ removal, and moving thousands of miles away in spite of it all I finally did it:

I got my driver's license

I got my degree

You can do this. Your bpd doesnt control you! Dont let it win

I have had an immensely difficult time connecting and feeling when someone is going through something. I feel like shit because when I hear about war stories and know of other tragedies I am unaffected. I feel awful and I know it’s bad but none of me feels sorrow.

I have also had a difficult time being able to laugh, cry, or be angry with media. My ex-girlfriend used to be able to cry and laugh over movies or shows when I felt nothing. Is this a normal BPD thing or is this a me thing?

The last 2-3 months I have been on a long and intensive journey to overcome my BPD and be the person I want to be and for the first time in years, I cried over media today. I have also began to find it difficult to watch true crime as I feel disgusted or such deep sorrow for the victims. Political activism has also began to become more prevalent to me and I am better able to connect with people.

I say this to 1. give hope and 2. just find out if it even is a BPD thing or if I’m alone on this and therapy may just be working after all.

Thank you.

I will link the video in the comments

This means more to me than it might seem.

A few years ago, I dropped out of high school, and later from community college. I didn’t think I’d return to school at all, let alone end up in an honors program for computer science.

Last academic year, I was hospitalized twice for psychiatric emergencies — once before a midterm, and again right before finals. Both times involved 5150 holds and police. When I came back to class, I wasn’t aiming for perfect grades. I just wanted to survive the quarter.

One of my professors made it clear they didn’t think I could catch up. It wasn’t said cruelly — just honestly, from their perspective. But during that ten-day hospitalization, I promised myself I wouldn’t give up. I came back determined and ended up scoring 99% on the final and earning an A+ in that class.

Earlier this year, I was formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and finally registered with the Disability Services Center. Before that, I didn’t know I was even allowed to get support. I felt too guilty, like I wasn’t “struggling enough” to deserve help.

Through all of this, I’ve managed to maintain a 4.00 GPA. I’m also part of an online program through Cornell, contributing to a lab as an undergraduate researcher, and more recently started as a Machine Learning Fellow at American Express. I’m not sharing this to show off. I just wish someone like this had shown up in my feed when I was younger and felt alone and was in despair.

I used to think no one would want to work with someone who has emotional instability — that once you show that part of yourself, people would label you and turn away. But that hasn’t been true. There are people who see beyond the label. Professors. DSC counselors. Even a few police officers who remembered me kindly.

In the acceptance later, there was an additional message:

“P.s. Your faculty references were glowing. You are a great student- have more confidence in yourself and you will go far! Happy to have you in ICSHP this year.”

Receiving this personal message from the ICS Honors Counselor made me cry hard. it was a moment where I felt that I hadn’t failed. And I was doing better than I thought I was.

If you’re struggling, I hope you’ll honor your struggles and reach out for support 💛

just wanted to share!

I asked my therapist today if she thinks I would still meet the criteria for a BPD diagnosis and she said she doesn't see the traits in me, and given the progress I've made she doesn't belive I have BPD anymore.

I know she has extremely strong emotions.

Her anger is furios and a number of inanimate objects have experienced that.

She said that she wanted to break up more times than i can count on one hand.

And it all changes so quickly; I‘ve never met someone like her.

I‘ve also never met someone that loves so deeply and commitedly. I know her heart has been broken in the past but despite the pain she never closed it and i admire that about her.

I know this is her and it is beautiful.

I stopped wanting to only have the „positive“ emotions and accepted that even the depths of her anger and sadness are part of this beauty.

I show her my love even in those moments, i normally would have reacted with either dissociation or equal emotionality.

Being present with her and showing my secure love even in the difficult moments helps her immensely and no matter how intense and emotional the situation was it rapidly transforms into love and connection.

Only a year ago this relationship would not have been possible, because i wouldn‘t have known how to deal with intense emotionality.

My solution is unwavering love. Love that‘s not dependent on what she says or does. Real love.

I learned this from the book „The Way of the Superior Man“ by David Deida and i am forever grateful.

I hope you guys are doing good.

I don't know about you all. But the rubber band snapping hardly works for me, and when I would do it some of my old partners did not understand. This often resulted in a dramatic struggle where they would grab me and refuse to let me snap it.

I thought I would just have to raw dog the SH urges forever. And thennnnnn... I came across this stim toy called The Little Ouchie and it. changed. my. life.

Seriously.

It's not magic, but it has greatly increased my ability to cope when I dont have access to things like ice or cold water and I dont want coworkers to see me doing push-ups or wall sits to stave off a meltdown.

Little Ouchie is very discreet and safe.

If your hands aren't strong enough, you can put your hand with the toy in it between your knees and apply pressure that way.

Best ten bucks I ever spent. Amazon carries them now! 🩷

Edited for grammar

Today is when i finished therapy. Not by my choice, by my therapist. Not because they dropped me, but because honestly, my mental health score improved. It wasn't improved one time, it wasnt improved two times. Its been constantly improved for some time now.

I guess between the insurance and whomever the powers be, and for liability reasons, me continuing was not an option because "i don't need it".

Its been one hell of a journey. I knew this day was coming. I was warned about 2 months ago. And I didn't have much of a choice to end the therapy. However, I understand. And i am okay with it.

How did i know I was okay with this?

She asked me: how do you feel about us ending our time together and this being our last session?

Me: blank stare. Trying to process that it's actually happening. I guess she saw the panic on my face.

Her: i think you'll be okay.

Me: I think ill be okay.

And for the first time ever in my life, I believe it. I actually think I will be just fine.

Before, i would say things like "im fine", "ill be fine", "im okay". Whatever variations you can think of, i said. I just never meant it. Or never believed it. I just said it because I thought no one cared enough about me to really want to know how I was. They asked as a formality, and i didn't want to burden someone with my issues. I deleted all my posts and comments some time ago. So you cant really compare i guess. But I was in a very very bad place.

I half-jokingly told her that when I start dating again, it'll be the true test.

Today is the day that i know I'll be okay.

After a good couple of months of not working I was able to obtain a job😭 I’ve felt so worthless and a failure and like giving up for the longest time because I wasn’t working and nobody was hiring me. It feels rewarding to receive my job position because I’ve been working so long and hard for this, my therapy sessions with my therapist have helped me so much into taking better care of my self. Time, patience, therapy, self-healing and MYSELF has brought me to this accomplishment! It feels damn good

Today at my therapy appointment I was told that I no longer meet criteria. I am so proud of myself and all of the work I have done to get to this point. It was a long journey that I walked each day. I learned how to manage my emotions. I felt them like huge tidal waves 🌊 become small ones that touch the surface of the shore. I healed my trauma. It’s not perfect. But it’s so much better! I am self-aware. I have mindfulness. 🧘‍♀️ I am able to mitigate my panic 😱 and distress.