The highs were not magic, they were not god. I (BP1, 30M) was just sick. It was not real, but it was ecstacy. There is no way I can describe to people how monumental it used to be. Now I have to spend the rest of my life pretending I have not tasted the apple.

Life will never be as magnificent while I am on meds. It can still be cool, dont get me wrong. But having spent years working in the corporate world with complete squares, watching friends come and go, family splitting into factions.

There are times I wish I could feel the electricity again.

I’m very sensitive to the change in seasons.

In the spring/summer, I go manic.

In the fall/winter, I get depressed.

Every.damn.year.

I have spent the past two days rotting in bed all day!!

In my area, we had an extremely hot and dry summer with 100+ degrees and sun with no rain for like 3 months.

Then, this week we have suddenly dropped temperatures and it’s cloudy and rainy. So the fact that it’s getting darker earlier is more noticeable because of the clouds.

I have a SAD lamp, but I don’t think it’s very effective.

The weird thing is, I absolutely LOVE fall!! The crisp, cool air. But no snow yet. I hate snow.

I just opened all my blinds and turned on all my lights to brighten things up. Any suggestions?

I feel like I might have to go on meds sometime within my future and I’m TERRIFIED of how they’ll affect my creativity and intelligence. For context I am a very intelligent or smart person who’s VERY creative. I was an ace student in both high school and middle school who was in college level classes and honors. After high school I wound up studying filmmaking and writing and pushed myself mentally to write creative and innovative stories that were unique and different and even if they had some tropes or weren’t that unique or different, I’d ALWAYS try and put a fun spin or twist upon them.

I mainly write horror fantasy and combine psychological horror with them as I found that NO ONE has done that. My brain allows for abstract thinking and outside the box thinking where if I basically see that no one is doing something that I IMMEDIATELY do it or that I combine ideas that normally don’t go together and make them somehow work wonderfully if that makes sense?

However in recent times I feel myself most likely needing meds to take and I’m TERRIFIED of how they’ll affect this level of thinking with my creativity and intelligence. Or with how they’ll affect my passion towards creative endeavors overall…

Is there ANYONE here on ANY meds that don’t have ANY sacrifices made on their creativity, intelligence, and overall cognitive functions?/functioning?!

Some days are happy days, and on happy days you can’t even fathom having another sad day. On happy days, it doesn’t even feel possible to have a full sad day. How could you ever feel sad when you feel so happy? How could those two extremes really exist in one person?

Some days are sad days, and on sad days you don’t know how you have ever had a happy day in your life. On sad days, it feels even less possible to ever feel an inkling of happiness again. How could you ever feel happy when you feel so incredibly sad? How could those two extremes really exist in one person?

On the sad days, it’s important to remember you have survived them, and you did have more happy days after a sad day. So don’t get lost in the sadness. The sun comes up again, even if it doesn’t warm your soul the way it used to, and we feel happy again even if for a moment. Try to exist in the moments of happiness, however fleeting they may be.

Hi ! when i take 400 mg of quetiapine in the evening, i get a complete nasal congestion and all night i breathe only through my mouth. it is terribly uncomfortable even though i have been taking it for a month. idk what to do:(

I 22f live at home, my whole family is so healthy works out and are very physically fit. I on the other hand am not, I am still fit I just don’t actively work out all the time. My mom is constantly on my ass about it, I just can’t seem to gather the energy to. How do you stay motivated? I have short bursts of motivation for work and such just not working out. I want to get strong and stay fit to feel good and healthy I just don’t know how or where to start. Any tips would be so appreciated 😌

I have nearly lost feelings for everyone around me.. my family my husband my kids.. and when i am sad or angry i do not differnciate between old and young.. i can be very violent.. i try to hold it but I can't and i really really regret doing what i did after a short while.. i either have to scream or hit something really hard to feel okay.. what do you do in those cases? How would you wake yourself up? How do you stop this?

Hello fellow bipolar insomniacs.

I have always had issues with sleeping (I sleep very few hours at night and the quality is poor). I have tried everything apart from medication throughout the years with very little progress.

Recently, I talked with my psychiatrist and initially we had upped my dose of Risperidone when needed for insomnia but to no avail. Then, she suggested Quetiapine/Seroquel.

I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with it? Would you like to share?

I sat down with myself and did a long analysis. My divorce, the several times I’ve lost jobs now and my inability to find new sources of earning and other major/minor mishaps is directly related to my unstable mood and emotions.

Things have been downhill since 2019. Except that my son was born in 2022.

Amongst other analyses, here is what the estimated trajectory looks like for me:

• Savings running out within 5 years or less
• Parents passing away (anytime)
• Isolation and other social/environmental factors acting as catalyst

I’m not the kind of person to take loans because I know I won’t be able to repay them back. If I start selling items owned, maybe 3 more months at best.

I’m not worried about myself, my time is visibly up. But I’m worried about my son. I don’t want him to end up in an orphanage.

Still processing things. But yeah. It feels weird because I never imagined myself considering these realities.

Did any of you feel this way? I’d like to hear from you. Your story means a lot to me at this point.

Everything and everyone annoys me since starting lamotrigine (100mg) and I have zero patience for everything. Life has been worse for me. Lately I don’t have the will to live.

I’m disappointed because of all of the positive reviews and feedback I’ve heard about it and how it’s been a game changer for bipolar… but not for me.

The only thing else I have tried is abilify and that really helped with my anger and mood.

Has anyone else tried something similar to abilify? I don’t mind going back on it but like everything it did have its downsides

Is it possible to slip back into mania while of high doses of medications? The past few days I noticed I have a bunch of energy in the mornings. I wake up around 7am. The energy tapers off into not feeling anything (energy, motivation or emotions) I’m on 20mg of olanzapine, 200mg of lamotragine and 20mg of trintellix.

I was previously in a manic/mixed episode for almost 5 months but the last month I’ve basically been “normal” but no motivation.

Just wondering it the improvement in my mood since starting meds confirms the diagnosis is accurate, or if there is a grey area around meds like this helping anyone who has a low mood.

Hi all,

Let’s start with this: Bipolar II, C-PTSD, ADHD, dissociative disorder, and chronic endometriosis.

So I am hypo right now but ok enough to I think be self aware?

I haven’t been sleeping and I am sped up but not fully rapid. I am beyond beyond hyper sexual, and in agony from an endometriosis flare up.

It’s a lot to experience all at once. It’s too much. Bipolar alone is enough. But fuck me.

On Friday my doc switched my birth control (that I am solely on to stop endo pain-which so far it doesn’t) to not take sugar pills but just start the next month of pills. By Sunday night I was sleeping. Was definitely hypo the next day.

I talked to psyc doctor and she is upping my latuda for now unless we decide if it’s good to stay on that dose. So I am on it.

But fuck this bullshit. Being bipolar fucking sucks and we all have other shit on top of it. I need a fucking break from all this shit. Cause on top of all of this I am doing the hard hard trauma work in therapy right now. It was obviously before all of this other stuff. I won’t do that my next session. But hard to know if it’s the therapy or the birth control or both. Idk.

Also, my wife is triaging an endo specialist, my gyno doc, and my psyc doc so it’s coordinated care. My therapist knows I’m hypo so I am doing everything right.

But fuck. Enough is enough.

So who else can relate? Who’s over it?

I used to love to play tennis and paint but since becoming bipolar I find that tennis triggers me and everytime I try to sit and paint I have a hard time. It’s not that painting triggers me but it reminds me of my old life with my ex who I was in love with. I guess it just reminds me of that time in my life and it hurts me. Has anyone found a way to get back to doing the things they love?

I don’t think I’m depressed either. I think doing those activities remind me of certain events in my life and I’m doing everything to not sit and think about them.

Thanks in advance.

Hello Everyone,

I have been in treatment for BPD, GAD, and overall stress/trauma for years now. I have been going to the same psychiatric nurse practitioner for 6 years now. I have always been pretty satisfied with the level of treatment I have gotten, but I am starting to think I might need a new perspective. I am just afraid because she knows my history so well.

On another note, I do DBT at the same office, and they have been having problems with the billing department and it is becoming an ongoing and frustrating problem.

I like the office, but I am concerned that I might have to change. It's just that jumping into something unfamiliar from the known is hard for me.

Just wanted to hear thoughts from other people.

I keep feeling like I'm suffercating from all that I am feeling. I've been through so much and it all is just becoming too much. I don't know how long I can handle this suffercating feeling. I feel panicked for no reason.i just want it to stop

I'm 33 years old and I've been at my current job for 3 years. I am a program manager and my job is very stressful. This year my father passed away back in January and my mom has been very sick in and out of the hospital. My pets both passed away in May as well. Up until the beginning of this year I was very stable and was getting through life ok. Since January everything has declined rapidly. I've had several bouts of depression and I feel like I can't even get out of bed. Working has been so hard I've been calling out a lot. I was off on medical leave for 6 weeks back in March but I feel like it wasn't enough,. Since my time off I have continued to call out on a pretty regular basis. I am afraid I'm going to lose my job and like my whole life is falling apart. I'm barely sleeping and I'm afraid of what I'm going to do if I lose my job. This week I'm again requesting to be off from Wednesday to Friday. I'm all out of PTO so it's upaid leave. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday and hopefully I'll be able to get a doctor's note for these few days I'm missing. I want to o take a more extended leave but I'm afraid of missing work for a long time. Have any of you ever been in a situation like this ? Have you ever been fired for missing work to frequently. I'm in the USA if it matters. Any advice would be helpful.

I was taking lamotrigine 100 MG for some time but since I was complaining about it making my "cycle" extremely short and more chaotic (I have hypomania and lean more into depression; so the mania doesn't cause stuff that ruins my life but it ends in very severe and suicidal crashes), so I was also prescribed 25mg quetiapine for night until lamictal kick in properly.
I was cautious about taking it, knowing all sorts of severe side effects, given my already low energy levels. Currently is my first time taking it a week in a row. And honestly I experience no common side effects at all, quite contrary - it is actually easier for me to wake up, I feel more involved in my positive experiences, and my hunger is much, much lower. In fact, I sometimes enter ketosis during the day and my constant hunger pangs are gone. It does not disturb my thought process at all, and I engage in daydreaming as much as ever. It does knock me out, but the sleep I have under it feels more refreshing.

The problem is though, by the time I need to take my meds , I already start to feel something akin to "withdrawal". I get nausea, and very strong urinal hyperactivity. This does not seem like a good sign for the future use of the drug for me, if it causes such severe addiction so quickly. It may be indirect causation via anxiety rush but it is still no good. My general agitation increases towards the night and I when I took it every next day I'd struggle to sleep on the day off.

For the medical part I have contacted my psych already, but I am wondering if anyone had similar atypical experiences quent/seroquel. My parents have personally reported that negative effects kicked in immediately so they could not tolerate taking it at all. However they do not have bipolar and were taking it just for sleep.

Hi. I’ve been on Seroquel 400mg since May 2024. My therapists are suggesting I switch to a different med. I have a few side effects that make life a bit harder. My biggest issue is cognitive issues and the sedation I feel.

I’m just curious if anyone has been on Seroquel (and what dosage) as long as me and if that is typical. Thanks!

Anyone every live somewhere and not have a hole punched in the wall?

Ive been on lamotrigine for one month and prior to that I was on quetipine close to4 months and even though I love to sleep it was putting me out for 12+ hrs. I weaned off because I never needed a zz pill before and it's used to help stop mania. I don't need the accelerated appetite followed by weight gain. It's hard to tell if it's made me worse to come off it but depression is my main struggle everday I wish I could be dead. Anyway waiting for lamotrigine to maybe kick in now. This dex stimulant is so terrible. Gradually got up to 15mg. Affected my sleep and pressured brain behind my eyes but as I ween off and even before I was weaning off at a certain point in the day I would crash like coming down without ever having gone up. It lasts 2-3hrs the hopeless and mental agony. I knew it was a fierce drug but had no idea this withdrawal even tapering makes me unable to function further..if anybody has thoughts and experiences with this that would be helpful.

Looking for advice on how to handle my latuda?

I take latuda at night. It makes me very sleepy very fast and I have a son to take care of so I am unable to take it at dinner. It needs to be after he's down for bed for about an hour so I know he's good. The issue comes with the nausea. I know I need to eat something like 350 calories with it. Sometimes it doesn't help. I will eat the calories and take the pill and still throw up an hour later.

What are we doing to make this work? I've been on this for almost a year now. It's the only one that has been this successful in my treatment so I don't really want to switch but I can't keep throwing it up because then what's the point of even trying to take it if I'm not absorbing it

Also how are we losing weight when we need to eat so much extra food to make sure we're not feeling ill?

I have been taking quetiapine for three years now started off with 800mg now I'm at 100mg , I wasn't planning a pregnancy, especially not before completely tapering off , but here I am , pregnant and confused 😆 , I live in China and mental health is a taboo thing in here , docs aren't open about it neither are people, so they're very strict regarding medicine and how it's controlled, I went to my psychiatrist today he said start taking 50mg and quickly cut it off ur system, I went to another psychiatrist she said quit it immediately, but I've been doing research online and I haven't read anything that actually is worrying or can cause a huge defect or complication on the fetus , anyone please help me solve this dilemma, in here psychiatry isn't really as good as other countries, so anyone with knowledge or experience in this matter please help me figure out what to do . Ps : I have sleep anxiety , I don't fall asleep , even if I do I wake up anxious and sweaty after 5 mins .. lack of sleep makes my mood and episodes worse . Can I still take quetiapine while I'm tapering off for a few weeks, I just need some time to figure out how to rewire my brain again, this pregnancy was a bit sudden and I don't want to cause any harm to my baby 😭

Hi everyone, I’d like to hear experiences with Lamotrigine alone vs Lamotrigine + Aripiprazole (+ Valproate). My situation is: I have ADHD and I take methylphenidate, but it often puts me in “robot mode” — I can focus, but feel no motivation or enjoyment. I also have depressive symptoms like apathy, lack of drive, low motivation, social insecurity, and some mood swings (sometimes I wonder if that’s rebound from the stimulant). I currently take Lamotrigine 200mg/day. My psychiatrist prescribed Aripiprazole 20mg/ml (4 to 10 drops at night) and Valproate 500mg/day as well. Attenze (extended-release methylphenidate) is for occasional use.

My doubts are: I tried Aripiprazole before (not sure if it was the right dose) and it made me irritable. I once used Risperidone 1mg and it worked really well, but I don’t want its side effects such as sedation, weight gain, and sexual issues. So now I’m wondering if I should go with the full combo (Lamotrigine + Aripiprazole + Valproate), or first stick to Lamotrigine + Aripiprazole and see how I respond.

I’d love to hear from people with similar experiences. Did Lamotrigine + Aripiprazole help with motivation, sociability, and confidence? What were the pros and cons of adding Valproate? Has anyone here had irritability with Aripiprazole at first, but adjusted with the right dose?

Thanks in advance!