Yes, intentional word play with the title. Maybe not dad joke worthy, but you get the idea
It's been a few years since I decided to start actually counting calories and taking responsibility for what I eat and how it affects my weight. I started out a morbidly obese male at 300lbs, 5'8" about 40% body fat. Been wanting to lose weight for basically since I was a teen, but 2023 was the year I actually took initiative to weigh foods and log my calorie intake.
Started in February of that year, I stuck to a strict calorie intake of only 1700 calories. Everything I ate was home made, all foods were weight and calculated into a calorie tracking app. Aside from special occasions, I was very responsible with following my diet. Without gym intervention, I dropped 70 lbs up until Oct 2023. Mind you during this time I worked with door dash and food delivery, so I was always surrounded by food and temptation. Especially with cancelled orders and I was stuck with an undeliverable order haunting me. Those rare occasions I was strong enough to give up the food and give it to someone else.
My weight stayed around the 230lb range until I decided to start incorporating exercise into my routine. I would sign up for split shifts, which would allow me to work mornings, take a break within the day to go home and make lunch, then get back to the grind. Once orders would die in the evenings, I would hit the gym then head home to cook dinner. This allowed me to push my weight down from 230 lbs to 200lbs. This was from Oct 2023 to Feb 2024.
During this time, I got my associate degree in software development. In Feb 2024, this degree helped me land my current job. This was a huge shift in my career choices, as this is the first office job I've had that was mentally exhausting instead of physically exhausting. It also introduced to me a living wage, which is something that food delivery could never offer me. I attempted to keep a steady gym routine with this job, moving my gym hours to the morning before work started instead of evenings.
However, this is when my weight journey pivoted backwards. The stress of this job, especially when I was new and felt so dumb due to lack of experience, really weighed on me. Back in the 300lb days I was a heavy drinker, something I gave up almost cold turkey (with a few exceptions like holidays). In my current job, I am on the phones with angry customers everyday. The stress of learning how to deal with them, along with inadequacy of being way less experienced than my peers drive me back into unhealthy habits. As much as I love my job too, there are a lot of food rewards (company potlucks, bulk pizza orders, restaurant nights funded by management). Along with all this also came the financial ability to afford the luxuries I couldn't with door dash, such as ordering from the platform instead of taking orders from the platform.
I eventually lost the willpower to force myself to the gym and turned towards my bad habits of ordering out instead of cooking and drinking on stressful nights. I had started this job declining all food offers to me, but after pressure form coworkers to indulge and stress from the job, I started to indulge in the food available. I would also justify ordering takeout, telling myself I just want to avoid extra work at home and wanted any easy meal provided to me instead of made by me. From April 2024 to July 2025, my weight slowly rose back up to 260lbs. I no longer even fit comfortably into my work outfit and started wearing street clothes to work.
Today, I am a much more experienced man at my job. The angry customers are less of a hassle, but there are a few that do get under my skin (I'm sure anyone in a customer service role understands how this feels). My feet and back are now feeling pain that had subsided after dropping so much weight loss prior. I felt like I take up way more space than I used to. I have realized I am back to being ready to drop this weight again.
However, I am still trying to manage the feeling of mental exhaustion vs physical exhaustion and realizing how much easier I had it at committing to life changes when I wasn't mentally stressed. I have started both cooking at home again and going to the gym. I am logging my foods into an app again and aiming for a 1700, calorie intake total. I do still struggle with cravings, as I am currently typing this while at a BWW ordering a small boneless wing order with a couple beers. This is the end of my week and I am justifying one night a week to break my diet.
Would I give up what I have to go back to my meager earnings in order to commit to weight loss? No, I want to get a savings going so I can have a retirement plan. But I also want to gain the sense of euphoria I had when I was closer to 200lbs and even under. I'm trying my best to find balance.
I'm hoping by then end of this to express my struggles and use this as an opportunity to build myself up. I want better for myself.