r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/KindButAlsoSad • 4d ago
Seeking Advice Should I force myself to hangout with friends even when I don't want to because I'm depressed?
I've posted on here a couple times recently about my depression, which I've been dealing with for decades. I'm currently in an episode of major depression, which has been one of the worst I've experienced.
A couple of my friends are somewhat aware of my current state and have been nice and have invited me over the past couple of days, but I just haven't felt up for it. I have a tremendous amount of anxiety spending time with others and it seems like an overwhelming chore.
I went to dinner with some friends Friday night and, it was kind of a good time, but it also somehow made me feel worse. It was like even more evidence of how shitty I feel - I can't even enjoy a dinner with friends, etc.
Would really appreciate advice or suggestions or just a kind word. Thank you.
EDIT: I am going to go. Thank you for your suggestions and support.
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u/Disgrazed 4d ago
As someone who's asked myself the exact same question, id say yes. Most of the time all the overthinking and depressive thoughts don't stop me from at least.. enjoying myself a little bit. Atleast feeling proud of myself a little bit for doing it instead of rotting away all day. What helped me was reframing it in my head. There really isn't anything to lose seeing your friends, rather than rotting away all day in the house .
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u/KindButAlsoSad 4d ago
Thank you. That makes sense. I think part of what is holding me back (other than the desire to just isolate) is a feeling of being an embarrassment. I feel like I don't have the energy to put a smile on my face and I don't want people to see me the way I truly am right now.
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u/YardageSardage 4d ago
That's very common, and working through the shame is part of the process of getting better. Letting the people you care about see you in your Hottest Mess Ever state is part of letting them be your support network. It's hard, but it's important. I believe in you. :)
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u/Every-Attitude7327 4d ago
i think you should go bro. you never know this experience might be better than the last one. you have to be there to find out though.
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u/Most-Bike-1618 4d ago
Depression keeps me stagnant and when I let that feeling win too often, I feel erased by society. But I recognized that the motivation usually comes after I've gotten up and start doing something.
It's like diving into a pool, even though your brain tells you it's going to be cold. I remind myself that the chill is temporary and my body will get used to it, soon enough.
Sometimes I'll just put my feet in to prove how quickly it'll pass and reduce the discomfort in the long-run. Still, sometimes I have to just bite the bullet and canon ball my way in. It's okay though, if the idea of it is too much and I can't convince myself that I can get over it. It's a balancing act, at best.
But if I let my brain win too often, keeping me from fully submerging every single time, I might never go to the pool or even leave my house or the bed and that's where things get downright miserable.
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u/tenthousandtatas 4d ago
Go. And go someplace yourself later too. Pick a place to eat at once a week at the same time and people watch
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u/TheBloody09 4d ago
Yes because depression is so hard but if you can make that effort it will lead to places that you deserve to see and from experience your depression take hard work and effort many ways and your depression is smart.
It wants you alone, it wants you to fall deeper and lose the people who care.
It's also OK to say I'm not up too it today, you don't have to say yes non stop is a balance there for Amy human but your asking a very important question here and it shows alot.
Try go out hang out, that's a battle I know but that way lies struggle and also adventure and who knows who you may meet or what new née music show film hobby etc you may find.
I know words are easy online, I really do. Yes has took me along the road more than anything. Be kind to yourself my friend.
You should try if you can there's a world that needs people who ask these questions that needs you out and about if possible.
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u/TheBloody09 4d ago
That dinner that you didn't enjoy is the fight, your friends loved it and your where part the reason they did. That's something, keep your healthcare up but there is a lot of fake it till you make it, it's a process and hard and you may have more feelings like that alot but it's like learning a language. You need practice. Is just my thoughts a tad and don't want to put pressure too much but I mean your company brightened their day amd that's a good deal.
Do not push yourself too hard but I don't think you realise how much strength you already have shown.
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u/Classic-Sherbert3244 1d ago
Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You’re definitely not alone, and it’s okay to feel like socializing is too much sometimes.
Something you might want to look into is TMS therapy. It's a non-invasive treatment that’s been effective for a lot of people with treatment-resistant depression. You might also want to check out the Cognitive FX blog, they have a ton of resources on the topic.
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u/SunshineBear100 4d ago
Yes because sometimes being around other people can make you feel better. Do an easy activity like watch a funny movie. Something that simply requires you to show up.