Heya everyone, very new to ecstatic dance. I am quite an anxious person, and the past 2 years I have worked alot on myself to try and improve it. I got clean, became aware of patterns and manage to break through some of them, and above all have found new courage to just say screw it, I'm scared but I'm gonna do it anyways. Awareness of unhealthy thought patterns is one thing, but the feeling of anxiety is still very present. That tightness in the chest, trouble breating, sweating alot and fighting the urge to leave the situation.
Some time ago somebody I know told me she runs an ecstatic dance group that gathers once a month. I went and the first time it was very scary. I had a hard time getting out of my head and into my body. I managed to move some but it felt very forced and unnatural. However at the end I was very proud that despite my 'poor performance', I still went and did it!
Skip to last Sunday, my second time there. We started with an meditation and soon after the music and my nerves started. But under that anxiety was also a peace, a bit of confidence. The second song started, it had drums, and real energetic beat to it, and I let go, just like that. I danced like nobody was watching and it felt amazing! It felt as if only for that moment, I was freed from these shackles that bind me in so much of my social life.
Almost a week has passed since, and even though I still feel anxious alot of the time, I feel more confident in general and feel a bit more peace and courage in myself, knowing somewhere that it is okay to be me, and to show me to the world.
I am still new to ecstatic dance but this experience has been something special to me, and I just really wanted to share.