r/Firefighting • u/ItsBrittanyBeach88 • Feb 12 '25

Ask A Firefighter Firefighter Boyfriend has drinking problem

Hi everyone. My boyfriend who is a fire fighter has a really bad drinking problem to the point he gets blackout drunk and is verbally abusive. He drinks and drives during the day on the days he has off. I’m concerned he can’t handle the stress of the job and uses alcohol as a coping method. I’ve talked with his exes and he has had these same issues for years… probably 6 years at least. he is already on “last chance agreement” and is randomly drug tested. He always passes bc he doesn’t drink before his shift or during. But on his days off he is drunk by 3pm.

What can I do to get him help before he gets fired, gets a DUI or hurts someone? Can I anonymously send an email to his union? I just want him to get help. I know he is suffering from PTSD and other mental health issues. Any advice about resources would be appreciated

Update: Thank you for all the great advice (and the insults!! Made me laugh and I have writing material now. Looking at you Meat Puppet.) I’ve contacted his mom and brother and told them everything. I relayed the resources/info to them and I’m walking away forever. His brother is a firefighter so hopefully he will talk some sense into him. It’s their responsibility now. Not mine. Peace out ✌🏻

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u/ItsBrittanyBeach88 Feb 12 '25

I am on his side. Why do you think I made this post? Im trying To get a game plan together by considering all options FOR HIM. How is this about me? If it was I would have posted in a different sub.

Such great advice 🤓 I see how supportive you are IRL and Reddit. I expected men like you to be on here. Typical man response… “stop making this about you! It’s all about me” … sounds just like my boyfriend when he drinks. What you drinking rn?

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '25

This way of being you're presenting in that comment is why so many men feel so lonely in their relationship's with their wives and girlfriends. You're loud, bringing other men and women in the community to critique his behavior. It's alienating and gross. He has a problem and he needs help. Berating him in public and crying to thousands of other men on Reddit is literally 100% all about you. You don't need other people's advice to show compassion and empathize with your boyfriend. His drinking is a rebellion because he feels isolated and since you're occupying the spot of the person who is supposed to be closest to him and trying to understand him the most, you might start by looking at exactly who you are being towards him for starters. Judgement and condemnation push him exactly towards drinking. Empathy, understanding and being with him and feeling his feelings genuinely with him is how you ACTUALLY in the REAL WORLD help your boyfriend.

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u/ItsBrittanyBeach88 Feb 12 '25

Wow you are wrong on so many levels. You don’t know the situation. I’ve only been a supportive to him. He however is abusive and you are defending him? I see what you are about.

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '25 edited Feb 12 '25

You're more interested in arguing w me and defending yourself on reddit. Literally leave your boyfriend for his own good please.

Edit: also consider you don't have the faintest idea what he is going through. be very aware of your privilege position casting judgement from high places. If you can't grasp this perspective do not get involved with anyone in emergency services. You are called to be of service to the community just as much as he is. Your service just looks like taking care of him in every way possible rather than putting fires out.

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '25

Her service might also be to just dip and move on