r/Firefighting • u/atim-omii • 9d ago
Volunteer / Combination / Paid on Call Northern Canada Wildland Volunteer experience/mental health
Hello, I am 23m and I volunteered earlier this summer for my community/reserve during the big fire up here in northern Saskatchewan. I worked 14-18 hour shifts trying to keep the fire at bay with my older cousins,uncles and friends . We ended up losing about 11 houses and a bunch of pets. This was my first time ever doing any sort of firefighting and I’ve still not gotten used to the burnt areas and the burnt foundations where houses used to be. I have bad dreams about my house being on fire and me waking up to see the ceiling in flames and smoke. These scare me and they won’t go away. I cried a lot when we lost the houses and particularly when I lost the tracks of a black bear cub that I saw was burnt up but still limping fast enough to out pace me I dream about him too. I wanted to put him out of his misery with respect, game wardens found him laying dead a couple km south of the place I last saw him.
Idk man I guess I needed to tell someone about these bad memories. Maybe letting it out somewhere will help me sleep better ? I also dream of that fucking 95km/hr wind turning the fire into tornadoes. Maybe I’m weak minded but this shit is hard.
Thank you to all firefighters, you’re my heroes.
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u/WeirdAttention1746 9d ago
It is not about weak minded or not. It was a traumatic event for you, and you need to get help to get past it and learn how to experience the memories without the deeper emotions. Not addressing it will not make it go away or get better, you are not a weak or bad person for these feelings. You got out there and worked on the line to make things better. Now it is time for you to get help for your self!
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u/ginANDtopics 9d ago
Healing comes from making sense of it. Turn the disorder into order, the trauma into growth. That’s not easy but it’s the best known route toward healing, integration, and post traumatic growth. A lot of the advice and words of comfort here are putting you on that path. Making sense and integrating the experience involves those positive, reframing thoughts like “it would have been worse if you weren’t there,” “you can’t be expected to save everything,” “you did more than most.” It will take time. Keep talking to people, especially your family and friends who went through it with you. You are heroes for even risking your lives and trying. Most people wouldn’t do that. Be proud, and remember that part of being strong is being willing to be scared, vulnerable, and sad.
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u/rustyiron 9d ago edited 9d ago
You are not weak at all. You experienced some crazy things.
I don’t know much about this site, but can I suggest you check it out and reach out if you feel you need help. It’s Saskatchewan-specific.
Volunteer or not, you were a first responder and impacted by your work in your community.
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u/Eikgander 7d ago
Hey man, proud of you for stepping up for your Nation and your rez! I'm going to guess you're in Sask and I know you guys got hit hard this summer. You're not weak, you took a stand to protect your community with your cousins, uncles, and friends. You are NOT weak. This is your first fire, and you are experiencing a normal reaction to an extremely abnormal situation. You did witness things that others may never see in their entire lives. What we do next to help you heal, cleanse, and reset, is what's most important. Your Nation and your family would want you and all the responders to recover from this incident.
I am not a Nation member but I'm a firefighter with a Nation FD, and have worked on reserves for almost a decade. I'm going to reach out to you by DM to connect and see if I can't help share some info and strategies.
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u/Beneficial_Jaguar_15 9d ago
Be proud of what you saved. You’re not superhero’s. If your crew wasn’t out there, it would’ve been worse. We can’t save them all brother.