Need your opinions/advice

[u/Glum_Competition4827]

I am a 23f who got her Emt license in 2021. Worked for a fire department that did 48/96, and also worked as an ER Tech in a level 1. I struggled a lot while working for the fire department. Not sleeping, the male dominated comradery (they weren’t the warmest/ most welcoming bunch to a 20 year old girl.) The more intense calls were difficult for me to process, I’m naturally sensitive and empathetic. I’d also like to add that I was in the room when my mom was getting coded and then died when I was 11, so the triggers were real. I didn’t like being the bitch, especially doing things for grown men (ie coffee making, waxing the engine, etc) it didn’t sit right with me. However my dream from a young young age was to be a firefighter. I am extremely fit and determined. I’ve ran marathons, have a lot of muscle mass and low body fat, and am hungry as fuck for meaning and a good ass challenge. I’d also like to add for context that ems came easily to me. I loved learning it and I developed a real passion for the work. I was often told by peers that I did well and stayed extremely collected during chaos. I stopped working for the FD because it was so hard on me mentally. Those 48s would often turn into 72s, no sleep. Rough. I then worked in the ER and I learned so much and overall enjoyed it, but was still unsure if emergency med was for me given my sensitive nature and the trigger response from my nervous system given what I saw with my own mom/ life. Time has passed and I’ve been doing service industry things and finishing a psych degree to have in my back pocket and a long term plan of being a therapist. However, I still have a fire and a hunger to finish what I started and become a FF/PM. It’s something that constantly eats at me. The bad assery, the commitment to service, the purpose and meaning the job provides. It calls me but I already have some proof that it goes against my personality? I need yalls opinions. Ty.

[u/light_sweet_crude]

The lack of sleep, the gender breakdown, the new-guy responsibilities (when you're new, anyway) are not going away. Only you can say whether you've built up the resilience and the emotional skillset to weather the upsetting calls. Idk what your current living/financial situation is, but I wonder if going to paramedic school is an option? It would be a good way to dip your toe back in on something you already know you're good at (EMS), and riding with a fire department for clinical hours would let you get a preview of how well firehouse life suits you with a little more life experience under your belt.

You could always move forward with becoming a therapist instead – but if you're one of those people who's always going to wonder if you should've given this dream another try, I think you may find yourself at this crossroads again sooner or later, and changing career paths gets to be more work the older you get. I think throwing one more year at it now and going to PM school may give you your answer while you're still young, which strikes me as a good investment even if at the end of it you decide the fire service isn't for you.