r/Fuckcancer • u/Hot-Watercress-6694 • Jun 12 '25
Still missing the only girl I loved
I met this girl when I was going through cancer treatment staying at a Ronald McDonald House. Our mothers met walking the house. My mother would drive us to the hospital for treatment instead of taking the shuttle. We spent all day after treatment hanging out and staying up late. Conversations never ended and we both enjoyed each other’s company. On the hard days when I couldn’t eat from the nausea, she was on my ass so I wouldn’t get a feeding tube. This girl was by my side until the end. She gave me something to look forward to during treatment. She was my ride or die. I know she cared a lot about me as much as I cared about her. After treatment we made oncology and MRI appointments for the same days just to see each other. 15 years ago today her cancer came back and there was nothing else the hospital could do. I remember visiting her on her last days. I would have done anything, donated a kidney for her just to see her better. I cried like a big baby when I hugged her for the last. If she was here today I would have married her.
I fucking hate cancer so much.
1
u/soul-driver Jun 14 '25
Man… this one hits hard.
It’s honestly wild how certain people just stay etched in you like that. I mean, 15 years and you still carry her with you — that kind of bond, it doesn’t just go away. I don’t think it’s supposed to, either. You both went through something nobody should have to deal with, especially that young, and instead of it tearing you down completely, you found each other in the middle of all that chaos. That’s rare. Like, really rare.
The way you described her? It’s clear she wasn’t just a comfort during treatment. She was home. That person who made the pain feel a little lighter, made life still feel possible. Even on the worst days. I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like — watching her go through it again, knowing you’d do anything to change it, and being powerless. That messes with a person. And yeah, cancer’s the worst. No one really talks enough about how it doesn't just destroy bodies — it wrecks lives, relationships, futures that never even got the chance to happen.
I know you’re still missing her. And yeah, maybe that never fully goes away, but it doesn’t mean you’re stuck. Doesn’t mean you’re broken. Missing someone that deeply just shows how much you loved right. And honestly, the way you carry her memory? That’s kind of beautiful, even if it hurts like hell.
Anyway, I don’t have some magic thing to say to make it better. But you're definitely not alone in feeling like this. If it ever feels like it’s getting too heavy, talking to someone — like a grief counselor or therapist — might actually help a bit. Might not fix everything, but maybe ease some of that weight. Just tossing it out there — not advice, just something a buddy of mine did that helped them a little.
And if you ever feel like just saying her name or talking about a memory, even if it’s just to the void or a stranger online, that’s okay too. Doesn’t have to be tied up in a neat little bow. Grief's messy, love’s messy. That’s human.
Sending you a quiet kind of strength today, man.
3
u/Tropitina Jun 12 '25
Same. FUCK CANCER!