r/GradSchool • u/liftoffsolo MA Philosophy • 3d ago
Health & Work/Life Balance Last night my mom asked about my dissertation.
I'll soon be completing my 1st year into my master's in Philosophy, and to be honest, I've always felt like my parents, other family members and old friends don't understand or care about what I do. Unlike my younger brother, who is finishing dental school and regularly discusses biology and other stuff with my mother and relatives who studied and/or work in the healthcare field, I've never been able to have a conversation for more than five minutes about what I do, and this has always made me very sad.
However, last night my mom came to see me. I was writing a paper and out of the blue, she asked me how I was doing with my dissertation and expressed interest in understanding something about what I do. At first, I found it very strange because this is a situation that has never happened before and I was caught off guard having to explain deleuzian philosophy and cinema to her.
This morning, thinking about what happened, I realized that I have no idea what my mother, brother, father, or other relatives and friends out of gradschool actually do. Like, I don't think I could write more than a paragraph about what my brother does; to me, it's like he's just "studying teeth", you know? Hahaha.
For a long time, even if unintentionally and without realizing it, I blamed the ignorance of everyone around me, even though I AM very ignorant about their stuff. Now, I think everyone who works in a more technical or academic field doesn't really know what anyone else does. Seeking validation or interest from peers is much easier than receiving it from an outsider.
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u/ANGR1ST 3d ago
One of the things that you should learn by the end of Grad school is how to explain what you do/did. I call it the "family gathering question".
You should be able to explain in broad strokes what you do to someone with zero advanced technical background. Maybe that's your grandma who never had a job other than raising 4 kids over 25+ years. Maybe it's Uncle Billy the auto mechanic. They're not dumb, they're just literally ignorant of your field. It helps to have one or two key outcomes that 'normal' people can relate to.
Then you should also be able to explain in more detail to someone with and advanced education what you did, what kind of research and methods you used, and what your key outcomes and conclusions were. It doesn't really matter if they went to grad school for Engineering or Education, Philosophy or Physics. They should understand the general methods and approaches well enough.
It takes some practice to get there, but it's really helpful for selling yourself when you're looking for work.
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u/knit_run_bike_swim 3d ago
My dad thinks a PhD is just writing a bunch of book reports.
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u/TrickFail4505 3d ago
My mom has a note in her notes app that says “master of science, psychology, researching the neurobiology of learning and memory” so that she can brag about me to everyone into little hometown because she doesn’t even know what a masters degree is (let alone a hippocampus).
I don’t know a crazy amount of people in academia that aren’t in my field, but I don’t think there’s really anyone I know that I don’t have a solid understanding of their work.
I know people generally dislike talking about work, and maybe it’s just because I’m so passionate about talking about my own work but I love asking people what they do. No matter how boring it is to me (eg accounting), I love asking questions and learning about what other peoples day to day life looks like, what interests them, why they do what they do.
Especially for people in academia, because you generally have to be very passionate about your discipline to go to grad school. I love being the recipient of their enthusiastic info dump, hearing them celebrate their own accomplishments.
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u/rideraln23 3d ago
my mom also has a notes app with "philology" written in it because its her favorite word to say now
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u/GSDBUZZ 3d ago
You have a wonderful ability to self reflect. I am in my 60s and I do not know many people who could analyze a situation and come to the conclusions that you have. It is a great skill that will make both you and those around you happier. And it will also help you with your professional future.
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u/LydiaJ123 3d ago
Sounds like an important moment for you. Now you can go learn. Yeah, no one knows much about what others do.
As for your mom, maybe she’s been doing her own work, and you should embrace it.
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u/Financial_Molasses67 3d ago
This is reflective. I can imagine a lot of comments begrudging the fact that nobody knows or cares about what they do in academia, highlighting the fact that people in academia aren’t this reflective or, even worse, think that what they do is more important than the jobs and careers they don’t understand
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u/Background-Ship-1440 3d ago
When I told my mom I was doing my research papers she just said "Oh, that's nice!" and moved on to a different topic lol
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u/therealvanmorrison 3d ago
Did a masters in history, now I’ve been practicing law ten years. It was much easier to explain the masters work to my parents than what I do now. I can’t even really explain what I do now to junior lawyers, at least not enough that they can follow it. With family, I just say “I help one company buy another company and handle the paperwork”. Usually, when someone asks questions that try to dig deeper, I just tell them it’s super dry and too boring to yap on about, which often works.
There aren’t a lot of people outside my field who I could explain my daily work to without first giving a 10 hour lecture on all the fundamentals. On occasion, my wife has asked me to give it a shot, but we’ll get five minutes in before she says you’re right, this is boring, let’s do literally anything else.
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u/Beautiful_Bite4228 3d ago
My mom doesn't understand what I do either. She just proudly tells people in our podunk hometown I work at _________ University School of Medicine. Of course, then most people assume I'm a physician, but whatever. She does her best.
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u/Hopeful_Meringue8061 1d ago
I recall my father, a professional athlete, asking me, "What do you do all day?" when I was in grad school. He just couldn't imagine it, and how would anyone know? So I told him about it, and my parents came to my doctoral graduation and they were so happy when I got a job. I'm sure they never understood all the ins and outs of it, but they both sure knew what it meant to pick something and work at it.
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u/fuckbitchesgetpolio 1d ago
Sounds like you're in the classic fallacy of don't get asked a lot of questions, don't ask a lot of questions.
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u/GurProfessional9534 3d ago
A lot of people who have never been to grad school think that grad school is just undergrad again.
Can’t blame them. Where would they even get a cultural reference to understand what grad school actually is? I’ve never seen a movie or tv show accurately depict it, for example.