Today would have been his 50th birthday- but he will always be 48. I love you so much Daddy, thank you for the 21 years of life I got to experience with you. I love you!

It's my dad's birthday tomorrow and my first one without him so I am making lasagne in his memory.

He used to treat them as dumping grounds for fridge leftovers. One time he threw in a leftover salad. I only realised once I unearthed a radish and some lettuce. Another time he blitzed a whole cooked aubergine into the bechamel turning it grey and turning up my mom's nose (it was delish though!) So I'm making a nice one in his honour.

Hoping this first milestone isn't too difficult ❤️

For context I (F25) lost my mom (F60) out of nowhere 4 months ago. The thing that keeps killing me inside the most is that she will never meet my future children. I pictured that my whole life and this was my absolut dream (even more because she worked with children). Whats your experience on this? Any tips to ease this pain ? thank u♥️

And yet, I still think of him.
We were 8 years old, and he was sick. He had leukemia.

He was my best friend. I did everything with him—I went to see him at the hospital, I was happy when he was well enough to come to school with me. I would go play at his house, video games and pretend fights. I didn’t really understand what it meant. To me, he was just sick, and either he would get better, or he would live like that for a long time, just taking his medicine.

One day, his condition got much worse, and he was placed in quarantine. His immune system was completely destroyed, and you could only see him through protective suits. I was 8, and of course there wasn’t a suit small enough for me. When he died, my mother told me that in his last hours of consciousness, he cried because he wanted to see me. And I couldn’t be there. I wish I didn’t know that. It still haunts me.

It’s been 20 years, and yet…

Now I have this irrational fear of not being there for the people I love. It’s almost obsessive—I always want to be present, to be available, especially when they’re going through something hard. I don’t know if it all comes from that, but I can’t help feeling like it’s a big part of it.

Thank you for reading all this.

I just don't understand. They are here, and then just gone. Snuffed out.

The fear of death has haunted me since I was a little kid. I'd be up at night crying, because I, my mom, dad, brother will not exist one day. I feel like i've always been tortured by my mind.

It feels like seconds ago I was that little girl, and now i'm 27 with a dead dad. It feels surreal to watch what kept you up at night come true in front of you.

It's been just over 2 months since he passed, multiple cancers. My favourite uncle is next, terminal brain cancer. All we can do is watch and wait. It makes me sick. How am I gunna get through this watching all my loved ones go? I can barely handle my dad being gone.

I'm so lost. I'm so tired. I'm so scared.

I hoped to the last that he would survive and we would be together again. I just cannot accept the fact that he is gone, he will not write anymore, I will not see him, I will not hear him. He was my closest and dearest person. The one I could trust with everything, the one I called first, the one who never judged me and loved me sincerely for who I am. He was so wonderful, kind, funny, smart, talented, and I imagined how I would thank him at my wedding one day. I'm crying because I didn't tell him many things during his lifetime, sometimes I was unbearable, but he forgave me for everything and told me how much he loved me. I’m completely my dad's daughter, I look like him and I have his character. I'm torn and I can't accept it, it's like losing myself. I don't know how to live now when you can't get support and advice at any time. I don't know if this wound will ever heal in my heart, life will not be the same, I will no longer have such a person in my life.

For weeks we’ve been waiting on results, just had the results today and it’s cancer, it’s spread from his lungs to his spine, kidneys and there’s no treatment available.

I never really had a close bond with my dad all my life, he was present, just not emotionally.

I feel like I’m grieving twice - one time for the dad who wasn’t there for me and this time - where he won’t be here in a months time (estimated)

I’m self medicating with substances as a form of escapism, I don’t know what to do, I thought I’d be able to manage this grief because I was never close to him but it’s hitting hard.

I keep imagining other family members dying and I break down in tears everyday. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Please help me or give me advice.

I don’t know what it is about the iPhone creating the photo video memories but it makes me cry, even the song choices is perfect and suits the photos. Does anyone else feel like this?

The way it recognises family members and suddenly comes up with a beautiful, nostalgic music and the title is ‘early moments with dad’ and it has ‘early moments with mum, sister’ too. It hits very hard and I can’t stop watching it more than once. Another video it labelled is ‘spring/summer 2025’ or ‘ ‘let’s celebrate’. Watching mine and my sisters wedding in iPhone memories this summer makes it feel so bittersweet, beautiful moments but imagining that my dad should have been part of that iPhone memory.

Hello, I commented a couple of days ago but figured it’d be good to just make a post of my own. I wanted to also add the flair “message into the void” because that’s exactly what I feel I’m doing now.

Last Wednesday 8/27 my daddy didn’t wake up. It was such a whirlwind from having to answer the call from his partner that the emts were trying to bring him back to now being the sole responsible party for all of his affairs. My dad never remarried and as an only child I just feel so alone.

Me and my dad had a great relationship and spoke almost daily and I hang on to that dearly. We texted the day before he passed and my last message was “we miss you already”. Now it’s me, my almost one year old and partner trying to stay afloat with all the impending financial responsibilities of this loss.

I miss my dad, so much…I feel so anxious and scared and just lost without him. And at the same time all these responsibilities make it hard to even cry. I truly pray the pain smooths over time like I keep hearing and reading.

If you read this wall of text thank you, and I appreciate everyone sharing your stories and heart here, it makes this a little easier somehow.

New to the sub and I live in the UK. My mum died unexpectedly last year a week before my birthday. The only comfort I have is that she died in the arms of my dad and wasn't alone.

My life has taken a sharp downward spiral ever since. Its like the universe is out to get me. I've just got full custody of my son, and he is refusing to go to school due to trauma from his dad abusing him and because of bullying. The family support worker and school have done nothing to help, they keep putting so much pressure on me and my son and seem to not care at all about our mental wellbeing. I'm thinking of quitting my job because it's getting incredibly tough to schedule the constant meetings and visits around the school and so called fucking family "support" worker. I'm taking meds and going to therapy soon. I have very little faith that therapy will improve my external environment or my life in general. I'm just going through the motions because I literally have nowhere else to turn.

Everyday I feel like I'm going to fucking explode. Literally no one listens to me, or does as I ask. I'm constantly repeating myself because no one listens. I can't rely on my family as they are not very supportive, and when I do reach out for support, I'm often left on read. I'm one bad day away from a break down, and I'm doing everything on my own.

I'm so very lonely and isolated. I have fucking nobody. My autism makes it very difficult to connect with people.

I hate that people talk about my father being gone as something normal that happens! Specially those ones who never had the experience! My father could live 20-30 years more!!! He was 63! He didn't even get old and he didn't have wrinkles on his skin.. his hair was not all grey yet.. this is not normal and I shouldn't have to be in this situation at 25. (I deleted my previous post about me not being able to talk to my boyfriend about my father that much or trying to make him understand my pain, and now here I am saying what I really wanted to say to him but can't).

Today my aunt called from abroad and she said my dad always used to talk about me a lot whenever he called. About how much he appreciated my help, care, that I arranged all the medications for him, doing little errands. He said I was his lucky daughter. That made me feel so proud♥️, hearing my aunt say that, I was holding back the tears and breaking down on the phone. I’ve heard it from other of my dad’s friends too.

I miss it so very much. To care especially and return that love back to the hands that raised me and brought me into this world. I wish I had done even more. My dad was still capable of doing things but those little things made such a big difference to his life and wellbeing.

It's been 25 years ago today since my little brother passed away at 3 years old. He would be 28 if he was still here. I often find myself wondering what he would look like or what he would be doing with his life and the kind of person he would be or how different my life would be if he was still here. I find a little relief in knowing he didn't have to go through the heartache and hardships of life and that he was always a happy child. He loved tractors, Tonka toys, and orange popsicles. 💛🚜

our family dog was euthanised yesterday after weeks of declining health. 13 year old granny, pushed through until the very end 🥹 i don't know how to fill this doggy shaped hole in my heart. no time we spent feels like enough, and i don't know how to cope with the guilt of overlooking her so often. this photo was taken 30 minutes before and is the last time i saw her :')

i miss you. i hope we meet again someday and that you're resting not in pain anymore. i will never forget you my little baby 🥹

I will never be the same again.

I don't know what to do or what to feel. I was just talking to them the day before, they were fine, everything was fine. All was right with the world. I don't understand.

My dad died 2 weeks ago. He was 66. He was in hospital for what we thought was a routine recovery from a routine procedure that was just taking a bit longer than normal. A few days before he died, his organs all started to fail and then he was in palliative care, and then he was dead. I said everything to him that I wanted to say, but that isn't exactly a comfort because there's so much more that we should have shared together.

When we found out he was dying, I was a mess. I cried a lot, I was angry, I felt nothing and everything all at the same time. Since he died, I've felt more or less normal. There are bouts of sadness, and anger, and general shitty feelings, but I really thought this would feel worse than it does. I've gotten back into some of my hobbies and I've been enjoying them. I've spent time with friends and family talking and laughing and it's felt so much closer to okay than it should, I think?

I don't feel guilty for not feeling worse; he was worried how the rest of us would manage without him and I think he'd be happy to see that we're coping alright. My worry is that at some point it's all going to hit me at once and I'll never recover.

I've signed up for grief counselling over the phone, and I've been doing some mindfulness exercises to try to just sit with my feelings (something I picked up in therapy). I feel like there's this huge mess of feelings just outside my vision and I can only brush against it for now. It's not like I'm trying to be sad, I just want to address this in the healthiest way I can.

I don't know where I'm going with any of this. Does anyone have any advice, or input, or anything?

I helped with the care of my mom since I was 14, I spoiled both my parents before I had kids I guess after too. The past 7yrs were the hardest I hated the way others treated her and I live here carrying the pain she left behind I hurt for her I miss her I know I told her everyday she was the most important person to me no matter how bad I always made sure my mom knew I loved her she was really sick she would have c02 induced episodes she would scream for me to get her way with anything and anyone I still hear her oxygen machines beeping I hear her yelling my name I don’t feel she was ready to past I feel like the ones who didn’t take care of her pushed her out nobody would listen to me and everyday I just wait for my mommy to come home from the hospital just waiting in denial getting so impatient when I face it I can’t breath. I miss my mommy so much she was never a burden to me but my other baby I need her.

-content warning: somewhat descriptive final days talking -

My dad went into urgent care for stomach pain and bloating and died 10 days later. He was transported to the hospital and diagnosed with decompensated cirrhosis of the liver 2 days in and stage 4 liver cancer 5 days in and died at home 5 days later. He was just 49 years old. This all came as such a shock to everyone, and by the time he got the cancer diagnosis he was too incoherent from the ammonia build up in his head. I lie awake at night wondering if he truly knew he was dying, truly understood the magnitude of the situation. To watch him wither away each day broke something inside of me, it was horrifying and shocking.

I had such a close bond with my dad, he was my person, he always called me his rock and his ride or die and knowing him that was a title to be held with such high honor. He passed on August 4th and I didn’t realize yesterday how painful all of the first “firsts” are truly going to be. I’m so angry and upset I only got 10 days with him. Really only 4 with him being aware and still somewhat himself. He didn’t have health insurance so I spent the last few days he was home acting as hospice, giving him medicine and aiding him.

I’m sorry this post is somewhat rambling. I’m just a mess and I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this outside of my immediate family. He had 5 kids, I the oldest with my half sister at just 6 years old. I try so hard to be there for my siblings as I love them dearly but I feel like I’m suffocating in my own grief and it’s like I’m drowning. I loved my dad so fucking much. I would’ve given anything to make this not happen.

Even in his last days he would tell me not to cry, not to worry. That things are going to be okay. I tried so hard to suck it up for him when I was around him. The guilt of not knowing whether he knew how bad it was and that he was truly dying haunts me on a regular basis. I was there when he did die, I held his hand as he took his last breath. It was traumatic and while I probably shouldn’t have been there for my sake I got do have peace in knowing that I was there for him in his final moments.

I just miss my dad. I’m 26, but the grief and hole in my heart is for a little girl just wanting her daddy back. And I have no one to relate to, no one in my family that understands my pain. I’m married, my dad’s face used to light up when we talked about him being a grandfather. He wanted to be one so badly and I’ll never be able to give him that and it breaks me. I’m grateful I’ve been able to experience so much of my life with him, but while I’ve had more years with him than my siblings there are still so many things that I haven’t experienced that I wanted him there for.

Sorry for the ramble, I’ve never really had a lot of death in my family as everyone is still relatively young (my grandparents are in their 70s) and have all been blessed enough with decent health. I just needed somewhere to get this all out because part of me wants to tell everyone I see or talk to and I can’t.

It's been 3 years since I lost my dad. I was his POA and I was the one that had to pull the plug. It still haunts me. I picked a song right after it happened to help me with the grieving. The problem is I also have a sister that is terminally ill and her time seems to be coming soon. I have experienced death in all shapes and forms but something about losing my dad is still so heavy on my heart. I now have a 15-month-old daughter and she never got to meet him and he never got to meet her. I think that kills me the most to everyone out there that has lost and is going through it. Stay strong. The pain doesn't really go away. It just gets better with time.

In May, I lost my wife at 33 to stage IV stomach cancer.

Watching her slowly get sicker was agony. Death is one thing, but the drawn-out suffering changes you. Stangely in some ways it also time to say goodbye. Her family was mostly absent through it all, and toward the end, they turned hostile. Since losing her, I feel like I’ve lost everything else too money, stability, a career, a partner, even reasons to keep going.

From the beginning, I was grieving. After her laparoscopy, the surgeon took me aside and said it was stage IV. I asked what that meant, and he told me directly: she will die from this. I appreciated the honesty, I asked for it, but that meant I started mourning nearly two years ago, while she was still alive.

Through it all, her family treated her (and me) terribly. I try not to hold hate in my heart, I’m Christian and I let that go, but their absence and cruelty were undeniable. And it made no sense, because she was the brightest one among them. She organized youth cleanups in her crime-ridden hometown as a kid, devoted much of her career to helping autistic children, and was the first in her family to earn a master’s degree. She was joy and love embodied. She pulled me out of a 10+ year depression and showed me what it meant to be loved. She was my home.

But cancer changed our relationship. She became more my patient than my wife. I loved her fiercely, but I couldn’t lean on her, she had too much on her shoulders already. I tried to highlight small wins (clean bloodwork, the possibility of stomach removal, mutation-targeted meds) to encourage her, even though I knew the odds were slim. I worked full time and came home to bathe her, change her ostomy bag, manage IV hydration and nutrition, and clean up after the constant vomiting. Her family barely visited. Her father ignored her calls. Her mother helped here and there but often with resentment.

At one year in, she faced a blockage and we were told there was nothing left to do. But I advocated for her, pushed for surgery, pursued a treatment based on a rare mutation. We got her the surgery, we got her the medication, and she came home. She was tired, but she was still here. I bought her another six months.

I was beyond exhausted myself, but I took her on long drives whenever I could. Our relationship started with a road trip, and driving together was our thing. I wanted her to see the world outside our four walls, even when I just wanted to collapse.

Eventually another blockage came, and this time we both knew. Hospice was the only option left. I made the call. Her family accused me of “giving up” even though it wasn’t a choice, there were no treatments left. They started attacking me in group chats, even threatening me. Still, I let them come around, because I knew she’d want them near at the end.

Her final week was brutal. She was skeletal, unable to eat, barely able to speak. But she gave me two gifts I’ll never forget. One night, after days of silence, I told her, “You know I’d do anything for you, right?” She whispered back: “I know.” Another night, I lay in her hospice bed holding her. For the first time in days, her erratic breathing calmed. She slept peacefully. Hours later I woke up to her breathing changing again, and I knew. I held her close, told her how much I loved her, how proud I was to be her husband, how thankful I was that she chose me. I repeated those words until she let go.

Her family didn’t come that night. They didn’t help with the funeral or costs afterward, even though they knew I had nothing left. I’d supported us on one income for nearly two years. My landlord charged me thousands in fees despite knowing the situation. I left with nothing but debt and drove cross-country to move in with family.

Since then, my life has been unstable. I meet cruel people in unexpected places. Everyone tells me to “just get a job,” but I can’t even manage basic stability. Bankruptcy looms, but I’d still have student loans and risk losing the little I own. I tried seeing a psychologist here, they said I show PTSD-like symptoms, but I couldn’t keep up the appointments. I live in constant anxiety. Even small stresses knock me out for the whole day. Sedatives help a little, but not always.

I pray. I see small winks from God. But what I need is a big blessing, and it hasn’t come.

Her name was Mercedes. She was a beautiful person, and my heart will ache every day from her diagnosis until I die.

Thank you for reading. It’s hard being this alone.

Saw some friends for the first time since my dad died. Felt like I spent 3 hours trying to imitate the person I was before. Don't get me wrong my friends are lovely. But I found it so difficult to have regular conversations when all I wanted to do was talk about how unfair it was that my dad had to die and how I feel like nothing will ever be the same again.

The first week or so after his death I had a couple of friends come see me for support and I felt like I could be real and raw with them as they expected me to be grieving. It felt good. Now, almost 2 months later interactions feel fake and I feel sad around people. It hurts when they don't ask and I don't feel I can bring it up without completely bringing everyone down.

Besides being sad that my dad was gone so young, I woke up everyday with guilt and regret. I regret for not doing enough when he fall sick, not showing enough care and concern, avoiding visiting him in his final days as it was too painful to watch. Why is it that I only realised my mistakes after he passed, and there is no chance of redemption? My life really sucks and in a horrid mess.

It hasn’t even been a full day and since the initial shock has left my body and it’s fully hit me I’m never seeing my dad again… it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life.

I can’t sleep, can’t think about anything without it spiralling back to him, cycling between anger, sobbing and numbness. It’s just every single negative emotion possible.

He didn’t deserve to go out that way. Lying in a hospital bed incapacitated? This was an adventurous, fearless, genuinely kind man who made everyone feel better when he walked in a room.

He spent this whole summer telling he’s sorry his body won’t let him do things with me but after his operation we’ll go back to having fun. Now? I’m never even gonna SEE him again let alone do fun things with him. He just bought a new car a few months ago, he had trips booked with my mom to go all over the world… and it’s all gone. This was a man who was walking, laughing, having fun and being a light in our family’s life 3 weeks ago… and it’s all gone permanently because of something nobody had any control over.

I as a son struggled with homelessness and addiction, and that’s what he dealt with up until last year when I pulled myself out of it. I’m so sorry that he had to see that part of me and not the man I actually want to be. He’ll never see me hit my potential. I just wish I did better for him because he always did the best for me.

Welcome to the new normal I guess. This place sucks. Sorry for the 2nd post I’m just beside myself. It’s so painful.

It’s Iam Tongi “I’ll be seeing you”

I think of the first part of the chorus as me saying that and the second part as her responding. I’ve been in a week long pit…haven’t worked, haven’t ate, numbing myself chemically. I’ll get through it, I have to get through it. Helps just putting the thoughts out there…here’s the lyrics. It’s a beautiful song!

All your wits, all of the laughs Your grin, stay in my heart Stay in my mind for all of time And I'm sure I'll be alright I'm doing just fine only for a time Where do I go from here? Know I'm lonely, but have no fear 'Cause I'll be seeing you Seeing you, wherever I go And I'll be, be with you Be with you, wherever I go Gone, but your love is all I have left I'll stand tall, you'll stay in my arms Won't stay in the dark 'cause you'll look for me Maybe I'm bound to break I wanted more, I can't resist The thought of you lingers on me now heaven knows no tears (Ooh) but if only you were here But I'll be seeing you Seeing you, wherever I go I'll be, be with you Be with you, wherever I go Ooh, ooh (oh, oh) Ooh, ooh (oh, oh) Ooh, ooh (oh, oh) 'Cause I'll be seeing you Seeing you, wherever I go And I'll be, be with you Be with you, wherever I go