I (24F) feel like I am losing my mind. I can not live with my IC diagnosis. I just donāt want to accept it because once I do I feel like I have no hope to feel okay again.
Everyday that I wake up is constant agony.
I canāt sleep at night, I canāt focus on anything during the day. Iām having daily crash outs & I genuinely feel like I have zero quality of life. I can barely get out of bed to make myself food and I can barely eat anyways. I am incredibly dehydrated because iām so scared to drink anything and make this pain worse.
I suffer from PTSD and Bipolar and canāt do any of my normal routines that prevent me from having very bad depressive & anxiety filled episodes (go to the gym, hangout with friends, get outdoors, etc). I was given Oxybutynin to help get me out of bed, but this prevents me from any physical activity (prevents sweat causing heat stroke if you do physical activities that would normally induce sweat). Even being in the sun for more than a few minutes can cause a heat stroke.
I donāt know what to do. I canāt live like this. No one can tell me whatās going on.
I have been suffering for almost 8 months now and have gained weight, started self harming, losing my relationships, losing work, and I just donāt know what to do.
I genuinely donāt want to live.
Iāve seen so many doctors and up until this past week all they do is test for bacterial infections over and over and over (even when i tell them hey I had this done literally two weeks ago at another doctors I donāt want to do this again). Finally I got to a urologist last week. She prescribed me the oxybutynin and said I had overactive bladder disease (OBD) and I needed an invasive surgery. Went back yesterday to tell them about the side effects I was having with the temporary medicine (heat stroke) and a different urologist this time told me I definitely donāt have OBD and I should have never been given that medicine.
She was honest and told me she was baffled by my symptoms: feels like a MONSTER UTIā¦.incredibly overwhelming and CONSTANT burning feeling. Like iām sitting in a fucking open flame. constant urge to pee but only a few drops if I strain and then itās even more horrible burningā¦.also a stabbing/ pinching sensation directly in my urethra that will happen when I lay down and try to relax, ETC. All of this for MONTHS with zero relief from dietary changes, antihistamines, all sorts of supplements⦠NOTHING. the only relief I got was from essentially overdosing on Azo and chugging water to the point where my kidneys were literally on the verge of collapseā¦yay azo).
Anywaysā¦.she said no to OBD and said it is likely IC (even though this diagnosis is supposed to be from elimination right??? I have had zero tests done. ZERO. not even a CT scan.) But she prescribed me some strong pharmacy allergy medicine and scheduled a follow up in a MONTH.
I truly donāt know if I can make it a month. I am also a suicidal person (yay bipolar) and this torture iām living in is making those thoughts feel more actionableā¦. if you know what I mean.
I guess I donāt even know why iām making this post. Iām typing while literally cringing and crying from the pain going on right now while iām trying to sleep. I feel like no one will ever be able to help me and I can not face the reality that THIS is going to be what the rest of my life looks like.
I guess I am just looking for help.
How do you manage your pain? How did you deal with your diagnosis when you first found out? How do you not want to die? What should I do next to get medical help?
I live in Maineā¦we have like one urologist so I have no idea what to do. Please help š
(edit): I also often have burning after/ uncomfortableness during/ sexual penetration. I am currently seeing a gynecologist about this. I canāt even get through a transvaginal exam or ultrasound. touching my cervix induces incredible pain, like someone is literally using a knife down there. I also have IBS and chronic constipation. Just putting this out there incase anyone has similar issues and has found a correlation between these things and IC.
(EDIT: to be clear i do NOT have OAB . My latest visit suggested I have IC and she said she was going to treat me as such. Sorry if I confused anyone! This post is about living with IC)