r/JUSTNOMIL • u/dogma096 • Jun 13 '25
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Jnmil breaks my ONE RULE about overnight visits on the eve of a stressful work trip. Please talk me off the ledge.
TW: drug use and child neglect/abuse
Hi! Please don't share this anywhere. I am aware that this is a husband problem but is it also a MIL problem, and I just need to scream into the void for a moment. Throwaway account. A few details have been kept purposefully vague but the point remains the same.
Last bit of prefacing, I swear - I do not like my jnmil. She is cruel, selfish, a bad parent, a horrific pet owner, was a terrible wife to her late husband, and will never be trusted with more responsibility than brushing her teeth while she is in my home. I put up with her because my husband believes that someday she will magically become the mom he always wanted. He's unpacking that in therapy.
My DH and I (early to mid 30s) have been together for 6 years, and his family is "a lot" to say the least. Not least of all the matriarch, Jnmil (early 60s). She neglected her children for men, drugs, and alcohol during their formative years to the point where her oldest (SIL) moved out of the house as a young teenager and never went back. To this day, SIL (early 40s) has not stepped foot back into her childhood home. As all her children grew to adulthood (no thanks to jnmil), she's now decided that she can be the "fun mom/fun mimi" and her children are so desperate for a crumb of attention that they bend over backwards to accommodate her. DH is the baby of his siblings (SIL and BIL), and he witnessed most of the neglect first hand. I'm talking about collecting pets as a hobby leading to a shit and urine crusted carpet, piles of hoarding materials noticeable from across the street, overdoses of both her and whatever guy she was banging for heroin, opening lines of credit in her children's names when they were small to fund her stupid habits, the works. Somehow she is the true victim in all of this, which doesn't surprise me one bit.
Thankfully I have a nice, shiny spine and am able to advocate for myself (and DH when he's overwhelmed), but Jnmil thinks it's a sport to see how much she can get away with. From me? Jack shit. From DH? Well, more than he should. Especially when I am not around.
As such: Jnmil is staying with us for a week and has found a way to circumvent my one rule that I will never compromise for anyone - no overnight visitors for more than 7 days without a break. I'm happy to play the dutiful host for 7 days and nights, but then I need 7 days and nights to recharge, reclaim my home, and reconnect with DH as a couple. I do not think this is unreasonable, and I have had this rule for years due to her staying with us for once for over a month with no. prior. warning. She is currently on day 5 of her 7 day overnight visit, and I will be gone all next week for a work trip. This work trip is a big responsibility and I have been feeling the stress of getting myself, my projects, and all my things ready for this trip. Jnmil knows that I will be gone next week, and asked me if she could stay a second consecutive week. I told her that I am not comfortable with her being in my home while I am gone, and that she should coordinate with her other children what her plans are for next week.
Well, after I went to bed (early nights for me this week as I am burning the candle at both ends with work) she cornered DH with tears in her eyes and the same stupid sob story about how she "regrets that we aren't closer", that she's his mom, that she might die soon, and won't it be better for her to hurry up and off herself since no one wants her around anymore. DH caved, and she's staying at the house FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS because I will be gone for one week, and so I still "get the time you need without her" according to DH.
I am LIVID. I do not even want to go home after work today. She manufactures all this drama and strife, and then cries like a little bitch when someone points out her role in said destruction. Then she's the perfect little victim, and I'm the nasty DIL who "doesn't understand addiction/trauma/family bonds/whatever buzzword she heard on tiktok this week." Ya'll, I promise you that I understand these issues intimately.
Rant over, thanks for listening <3
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u/dogma096 Jun 13 '25
I'm tempted to text him "you can be in her pussy tonight or mine, make your choice" and being done with it. I'm sorry for being vulgar, I am not usually like this I am just so angry and need to vent before I blow up at home and give her exactly what she wants.
6 years of this shit. That is literally my only house rule that isn't a literal law!!!