r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Strange-Report-9249 • 4d ago
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice Tired of this lady
Hey yall! I’m new to the sub, but gotta vent about my MIL.
This is something she did a while ago, but just shows how she is.
I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time and we had just announced the pregnancy to my husband’s parents. Everyone was super excited we are all sitting in the living room chatting it up, just a good time. This woman looks me dead in my face before turning to my husband and says “I know everyone always asks about the woman, but how are you doing during this?” Let me remind yall again that I was only 8 weeks at that point (no huge issues or anything, just lack of appetite and cramping), barely pregnant. WTF could he have possibly be going through at that point in MY pregnancy?!
My husband answered beautifully by saying, “well, Alex and our baby are doing good, so I’m doing good.” He even thought it was rude for her to ask something like that during our announcement. He feels that’s something she should’ve asked him when they were alone.
This is not the first time she’s done stuff like this. Absolutely any time she feels that there’s too much attention on me she will turn the attention to literally anyone else. Another example of this is we were all on the boat in the lake. Everyone got to drive the boat. During my turn to drive my FIL and my husband said to me “you’re really good at driving the boat” and she makes it a point to say “well, everyone did good at driving the boat.” Like what was even the point of that?
Mind you, this lady has two sons, but my husband is her oldest and her favorite. She has no issue with her youngest son’s gf. She just doesn’t like attention on me.
I don’t need advice or anything because my husband has handled it. He has let her know if she can’t respect me then she won’t have access to her grandchild. She hasn’t been much of an issue since he had that conversation with her.
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u/Quirky_Difference800 4d ago
Be aware though. When your baby is born she inevitably will return to her normal by telling you “ how she did it” or how you are doing it all wrong. Keep that space with her firmly because she’s absolutely going to swoop in and try to raise your baby because you couldn’t possibly do it as well as she did! Congratulations on baby BTW ✌🏻
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
Girl, trust I’ve already been doing that. I keep her at arms length and make sure she knows we aren’t close. I tried being close and she was disrespectful. She ruined it for herself.
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u/KissNRunWild 4d ago
she’s jealous, not subtle, and definitely not slick
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
Not slick at all. I let it slide for a while, but I got tired of it at some point.
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u/RelativeFondant9569 4d ago
You should always doll yourself up when you're gunna be around her, really lean into it, make her extra jealous and uncomfortable with your beauty. She's only embarrassing herself. ☺️ 💄 💅 👗 👠 (Also I'm sure you don't need those things to be beautiful, I'm just on team piss off mil lol)
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
lol I always make sure to look cute when we go out with them or over to their place
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u/Star_Gazinggg 4d ago
She is probably threatened by your husband’s loyalty to you, and takes opportunity to belittle you and make you seem less special. A MIL’s fear of being pushed out and deprioritised when only having sons (speaking from experience).
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
That’s what I think too. I think she feels this weird need to humble me. This sounds arrogant, but I also think she’s jealous of my personality, if that makes sense? My husband describes me as very charming and someone who people want to like them. His mother is very awkward and not good with people. It’s like when she sees people liking me and gravitating to me she gets upset.
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u/alors1234 4d ago
I agree. My JNMIL has 4 sons, and no daughters. She has this need to dismiss and neg me at every possible chance she has. I think she's terrified of being made redundant but she's such a bitch to me that she therefore makes herself irrelevant and not part of our inner circle.
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u/Lindris 4d ago
She’s definitely the sort who will insist on being in the room for the birth because her son needs support with supporting you or what if he gets hungry?! 😂
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
lol she tried that in a subtle way, but we shut it down very quickly
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u/DazzlingPotion 4d ago
You may even want to have everyone wait a few weeks to see the baby so no one ruins ruin your post partum bonding time.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
The plan is to let his parents and mine come the second day in the hospital just to see the baby, but once we get home we will be doing two months no visitors. If we do end up needing any help then we will call my mom in.
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u/DazzlingPotion 4d ago
The thing is you may not want visitors on the second day once you get there because you don’t know how the birthing process will go and how you’re going to feel afterwards.
Because if that, I suggest you may want to change it to, “We’re going to play it by ear and let you know if we’re up to having visitors at the hospital”. Or something to that effect.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
You’re right. I’ve said that to my husband as well that it all depends on how I’m doing if I’m going to allow folks at the hospital. My mother will be there regardless because she’s my second support person, but everyone else is on case by case basis. I should say that I’m planning to allow folks to come on the second day, but it all depends.
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u/DazzlingPotion 4d ago
Right because if you say second day for sure then change your mind people will say, “but you promised…”.
I had unexpected visitors come in when I was in my pajamas, feeling and looking awful. It was awkward and uncomfortable. It also seems like people have no concept of how long they’re visiting when they just want to grab your baby so it’s nice to have someone who will help set visiting time limits.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
Oh, idc if I said I promised or not. I’m quick to change plans if I’m no longer comfortable lol
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u/Lindris 4d ago
Please remember that there is no equal time for all or tit for tat when it comes to grandparents being around baby. So if you end up needing your mom’s help, it does not mean mil needs to get to come too so it’s fair. I see that a lot in this sub. The grandparents get the relationship they have earned with your child and they earn it from good behavior and being actually helpful.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
Yes, I know that. I’ve never treated our parents as equal. I have openly expressed I think my parents should be around my child more and my husband agrees. I’m not one of those DIL that lets her MIL do any and everything.
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u/Lindris 4d ago
Bless you for it. So many people give in to that guilt trip. I’m glad you won’t be one of them.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 3d ago
I learned quickly that being that type of person will only make me miserable and I refuse to be miserable for the sake of making someone who doesn’t like me happy
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u/Natweeza 4d ago
You got a real doozy on your hands. But you know what her puppet string’s are so you could really have fun with this!
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u/BellaSquared 4d ago
She's either threatened by you "taking" her favorite, or is jealous of you. Possibly both, ugh. 💕
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u/solesoulshard 4d ago
I’m on Team She’s Jealous.
I would also be interested in seeing if she is respected and appreciated appropriately in her own home and relationship. If part of the jealousy is that she is disrespected and she seethes that your husband really adores you.
And congrats on the baby. Wishing you well.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
My FIL is great when we are around. He’s very kind and respectful man. The running joke is that I’m his favorite child because he’s liked me a lot since he met me.
I cannot say what he’s like when we aren’t around though.
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u/Equal_Pumpkin1070 4d ago
Can you share how your husband told her that if she doesn’t respect you, they don’t get access to baby?
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
Yeah! So, he did it not too long after the announcement incident. He waited till they were alone and just explained to her that her treatment of me was unacceptable. Of course she made several excuses for why she said those things and etc. Then he straight up told her if she can’t stop doing it then she won’t see our child.
They don’t typically do confrontations in their family, so I’m sure this was a huge shock to her as he’s never spoken to her that way. At first I didn’t believe that he did it, but ever since then she hasn’t dared say anything like she used to. No slip ups or anything. Been perfect “caring” MIL.
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u/Commercial_Fun_1864 3d ago
We all need sunglasses for your’s & DH’s shiny spines!
Congratulations on the pregnancy.
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u/Conscious_Mine_1011 4d ago
Does she have any daughters? She’s 100% jealous and doesn’t know how to handle another woman getting attention from members of the family. Glad your husband is taking care of it! Congrats on your bundle of joy!🎉
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u/Ok_Fishing394 4d ago
OP in active labour, baby mere seconds away....MIL "so, how's the dog taking the pregnancy"?
Not to cast aspersions on folks "on the spectrum" but, has she been tested for anything? Her ability to read the room registers as functionally illiterate.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 4d ago
At first I gave her the benefit of possibility being on the spectrum because I am, so I understand not always getting social cues, but then I noticed she seemed to only lack those social skills with me
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