r/JUSTNOMIL • u/DoodlePops22 • 2d ago

Advice Wanted Children's Book Recommendations for Narcissistic Grandparents

And when I say "narcissistic", I don't mean it as a medical diagnosis. I mean it in the sense of extreme entitlement, delusions of being worthy of special treatment for no reason, lack of regard for the feelings and rights of others, lack of remorse, and hostility whenever confronted.

We are low-contact with JNMIL. LO is 3 years old. We already got a book about body boundaries, but I want books on all facets of narc behavior. I'm only learning myself in therapy and adult books. I was basically raised to be a low self-esteem people pleaser, which JNMIL exploited.

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u/WriterMomAngela 2d ago

Are you looking for books for your LO to help them understand their grandparents? I want to make sure I understand the request.

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u/DoodlePops22 2d ago

I want her to understand how to respond in a healthy way to difficult people, and that it's not normal behavior, and put it together on her own when JNMIL acts this way.  

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u/OniyaMCD 2d ago

She's a little young for it yet, but Roald Dahl's books are pretty good for spotlighting toxic behavior. The man took no prisoners. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (go with the book first - movies are probably too scary), James and the Giant Peach, and Matilda come to mind.

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u/WriterMomAngela 2d ago

I’d focus on books to empower LO and build her confidence rather than books about identifying narc behavior. Things like teaching her it’s not okay for someone to comment on her body, or what she’s eating. That she’s not responsible for managing someone else’s mood, feelings, or emotions. How to identify, label, and regulate her own emotions. Basically teach her healthy coping skills herself so that when someone else displays other types of coping skills she is able to realize they are the ones behaving abnormally. That’s just my thinking obviously. It’s impossible to predict how your possibly narc mother will direct her behavior towards LO so I’d just try to focus on giving LO all of the tools for her toolbox you can to be able to deal with whatever grandma might bring to the party.