r/JUSTNOMIL • u/cannotsolvethis • 2d ago
Anyone Else? When dementia lifts the veil, hidden hatred emerges...
If you remember my stories, I’m the one with the 92-year-old mother-in-law who had a meltdown when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. She wanted to be on equal footing with me during that time. She was upset that he didn’t want her at the hospital, and he was uncomfortable with her love-bombing. As he began to pull away, she became increasingly critical and berating.
I had no idea what was coming. As my husband's health deteriorated further, his mother took every opportunity to make him feel guilty and useless. “You used to come over,” she’d say — even though he’s now essentially housebound. “You used to help me,” she’d remind him — ignoring how sick he’s become. It was all about her: Me, me, me… love me more. “I am your mother.” “Why do you hate me?”
I tried to step in and help so that it would take some pressure off my husband. Her dementia was making her life a mess — she fell for every scam, and then would call, screaming for help. I counted 70 text messages in a week and multiple phone calls a day, all asking for help with problems she had created herself. Meanwhile, I was working full-time and caring for my husband. She would show up unexpectedly, crying about being shut out of our lives. If you remember, I host all the holidays and birthdays, while my brother-in-law lives 1,000 miles away and feeds into her beliefs — like insisting she didn’t need to give up driving, and that we were only encouraging it so she’d end up in a nursing home.
I started helping with her banking — and you can probably see where this was heading. I had all the responsibility and no power. Everyone agreed she needed a power of attorney, and even the bank was exhausted from her driving there three times a day to reset her online password or print out a statement. She would not name a POA, especially not me , it needed to be blood and only my husband would do.
As I got more involved, she began accusing me of hiding her purse so she couldn’t drive, changing passcodes to lock her out of her accounts, stealing her safe keys, and trying to take her money. Every time, the missing items were eventually found somewhere in her home, tucked away or hidden — only for her to say, “You must have put it there.” She became convinced I was getting into her house, so she changed the garage codes, replaced the locks on the doors, and even started locking interior doors.
It was like she split me into two people: the evil daughter-in-law she distrusted, and the one she wanted to go to lunch with, hang out with, and take her to doctor’s appointments — all while telling other family members I was trying to steal from her. I put up with all of it because she’s my husband’s mother, and she was clearly showing signs of dementia. She asked me to help with her banking, and we agreed to add my name to a couple of her accounts. But just days later, she closed the accounts and told others I had forced her to do it.
The final straw came when I couldn’t get into her garage. She’s extremely hard of hearing, so no amount of pounding on the door or calling her phone could get her attention. Remember, I’m the one she always called to come over and help — and I’ve always entered through the garage using a clicker or the outside keypad. I thought the keypad was broken or needed new batteries. She watched me struggle for 30 minutes, and just as I was about to call the garage door company, she threw a piece of paper at me with the new code.
I was so embarrassed by the lengths she went to in order to keep me out, even as she continued to beg for my help. Thankfully, my husband’s cousins have now stepped in and are helping coordinate her care and arrange in-home support.
One of my husband’s cousins asked her why she had locked her house up like Fort Knox, and she said it was because I was getting in and stealing from her. They told me she had clearly targeted me — everything was blamed on me or somehow my fault. Even when the doctor recommended she stop driving, or when she spilled something, she blamed the mess on me. And I haven’t even been in her home for over a month.
They’ve encouraged me to go no-contact because she is still threatening to call the police or take me to court whenever she misplaces anything. My husband has limited contact and would prefer to never see her again...harsh but she drains what little strength he has left.
I’ll post our last text messages in another post — I think they prove she knew exactly what she was doing all along. I kept excusing her behavior because of her decline, but I realize now that I shouldn’t have. No matter what I did over the past 40 years, she harbored a deep distrust, hatred, and jealousy toward me. I constantly reflect on why I put up with it for so long, and why I felt obligated to stay and help, even as she abused me.
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u/WriterMomAngela 2d ago
I agree with others who say dementia doesn’t bring out the truth in someone. My grandfather had it. He was a minister and loved us all with his whole being, my grandmother most of all. In the end he would swear and become paranoid someone was trying to steal the farm from him. He would be angry ‘the boys’ were stealing his tools, frantically search for his own mother, rant and rave at imaginary monsters who were not there and say awful, hateful things to caregivers that embarrassed my grandmother terribly. He never, ever would have thought those things before the disease took over. Some of them may have been old nightmares coming back to haunt him from childhood like not being able to find his mother but the rest was just nonsense and vitriol from the disease not him.
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u/Sensitive-Skill2208 1d ago
Having gone through dementia with both my parents, I learned the hard way YOU CANNOT WIN.
Logic doesn't work. Intervention doesn't work. Counseling doesn't work. Family/church/friends/social services help doesn't work. The whole point of dementia is them losing contact with reality, or any ability to even recognize reality. YOU CANNOT FIX THEM.
They will make up stories, and then double down. They will waste money, or hide it, or both. They will blame you for everything real and unreal. They will hoard. They will make a mess. They will deny everything. What they will not do, is co-operate with their own care. Because, when the dementia gets bad enough, they can't help it.
The other lesson I learned the hard way is IT ONLY GETS WORSE.
Take care of yourself and your husband, it sounds like that's more than enough on your plate.
It also sounds like there are others who can help with her, so let them, thank them, and stay clear. Otherwise her continuing attacks will keep wearing you down, until you have nothing left for your husband's care and your own.
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u/chasemc123 1d ago
Your own husband doesn't want you helping her, so why are you?
Please, just stop. You have enough on your plate and she hates you.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
You are correct...actually started seeing a therapist to stop..."if she can dial your phone number, she can dial 911"
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u/chasemc123 1d ago
Yaaay! I'm very happy to hear that.
As women we are taught to feel so much guilt and be responsible for EVERYONE else's feelings. It's hard to break that cycle but you can do it!
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u/Sufficient_Claim_461 1d ago
My FIL sent his laundry out at his nursing home. He accused the aides of stealing it.
Black-market old man pants is now a family joke.
Dementia is a bitch on its own but when the patient was also a bitch it compounds
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u/kill-the-spare 1d ago
Oh my GOD my grandmother was also convinced the live-in carer stole a pair of grandpa's pants. Grandpa pants are a fuckin' hot commodity out here apparently
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u/plm56 1d ago
*hugs*
Tell BIL that he is responsible for his mother because your husband is no longer capable.
Then block her on everything and focus on him and your own well being
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
We have tried that...what made it so tough at first was the crazy only came out around my husband and me. Around him she is on her best behavior...he lived his life, visited once a year, never on a holiday and is OK with the cousins taking over as are we...to give one example she would not bother him during the day, yet repeatedly call or text me while i worked.
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u/TrustyBobcat 2d ago edited 1d ago
I remember you! So glad you've updated but I'm sad that you've still been dealing with this shit throughout the intervening years.
They've encouraged me to go no-contact because she is still threatening to call the police or take me to court whenever she misplaces anything. My husband has limited contact and would prefer toO never see her again..harsh but she drains what little strength he has left.
YES. GO NO CONTACT. For your own well-being and safety, you need to fully drop the rope before she ends up doing something that hurts you or causes legal trouble because she's no longer able to distinguish reality from her delusions.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
FOG is so powerful...a part of me still feels like I need to help...the cousins are fantastic, we have in-home care now...she has not contacted me in a few weeks and I am not reaching out to her.
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u/Affectionate-Page496 2d ago
You definitely are justified in going NC.
Dementia makes things hell for sure. I don't know if any if these incidents could coincide with a bladder infection, but when my relative in a home was having one, she would do things like accuse staff of coming in during the night and SA'ing her.
It is too bad this MIL's family didnt step in earlier to get her declared incompetent or whatever was needed to take decision making power away from her.
I have someone I work with going through right now related old person changing their passwords, messing up financials, etc. and it's a complete nightmare.
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u/unapproved_dentist 2d ago edited 2d ago
Hi OP,
I just want to say right off the bat - this is not your fault, this is not your husband’s fault, and it is okay to cut ties with someone who treats you this way - regardless of why, and ESPECIALLY if you are unable to get them the help they need because someone else is blocking the path of help while you suffer the consequences of trying.
The hard truth of the matter is that dementia/Alzheimers can very much turn once kind, loving people into monsters that inhabit the shell of someone you once knew. And it can make nasty people angels. Or it can make them worse.
Such is the demon that is dementia. It’s a horrid, disgusting, nasty disease that I would never ever wish onto anyone. Dementia does not get better. It does not go away. The bil needs to understand this, because he has made a mess of things and is only making her behaviour worse.
I don’t know what you mil was like prior to dementia. I don’t know if she was a woman with a big heart who you were very close to. I don’t know if she was always kind of… a bit off around you.
But I do know, and can tell you with confidence, that she will not get better. She will continue to decline, mentally and physically.
Yes, she may have ‘good’ days - which you sort of touched on - but they will become lesser and lesser, and there is absolutely zero shame in admitting that you cannot continue to handle what she is becoming, especially while caring for your sick husband, and working, and copping all of the abuse.
It is (possibly) not her fault, no. But it is absolutely not your fault either, nor your responsibility, and you need to start thinking about you and your husband and acting in the best interest of yourselves.
If cutting contact with mil is what you need to do, then it is what you need to do.
Just because an illness is the cause of someone’s behaviour, it does NOT mean that everyone around the person is obligated to put up with, and suffer because of, that behaviour.
You are not wrong. You are not cruel.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
OMG...this...exactly..."ESPECIALLY if you are unable to get them the help they need because someone else is blocking the path of help while you suffer the consequences of trying."
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u/Nefarious-kitten 1d ago
Seconding this.
I watched dementia slowly take over a family member. Before their diagnosis , they were erratic, moody and a lot of a JN. Some days, post diagnosis, that flipped and they were surprisingly nice and others…
Be kind to yourself. You’re navigating difficult situations with grace and kindness.
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u/mrcarrot213 1d ago
I used to live with a 52 year old korean lady and her mom. When i moved in, I didn’t know the mom had dementia. One night when i was having dinner and the daughter was working, grandma yelled at me, accusing me of stealing her jewelry. I texted the daughter and she calmed her mom down and got home. Apparently grandma had a dream that i stole her jewelry.
After a couple times of her slipping notes under my door with pictures of jewelry, I decided to leave. I feel bad for them, but it wasn’t my problem and i didn’t have to live that way.
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u/Open-Kaleidoscope721 2d ago
I’m so sorry. For everything.
This is such a hard time and your focus should be on your husband. I just send well wishes for his speedy recovery.
Dementia is an awful, awful thing. I can’t say for sure that the disease has lifted the veil of some deep seated hatred she has for you. I know of people with dementia who become completely different and whose feelings towards loved ones become absolutely warped. Even sexual inhibitions can change entirely. Try not to overthink it.
The most important thing you can do now is try to put yourself first. I hope you’re able to do that to you can be the rock your husband needs atm. Do whatever that requires :)
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u/Jethrothemutant 1d ago
Quite frankly walk away!
She is your NOTHING!!!
Let the rest of HER family deal with the WW. Look after and cherish your DH.
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u/aWomanOnTheEdge 1d ago
Have the cousins put cameras up around her house. If they can't afford it, you pay for it. This is for your protection against her claims that you break into her house and steal her stuff.
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u/Ghostthroughdays 1d ago
Having seen dementia wrecking my late fatherI feel like dementia takes away inhibitions and unveils bad character traits.
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u/rmebmr 2d ago
I read your old posts. I feel for you. Your MIL reminds me a bit of my FIL.
FIL claims that he has dementia, to the point where I said, "I don't think people who have dementia go around announcing it every 5 minutes." He started this when MIL's sister did have dementia, and he was jealous of the attention his wife was giving to her. He has admitted that he's been so awful to all of MIL's family (and most of his, too) that if she dies before him, no one will step in to take care of him.
This is a man who, when his SIL was in the hospital, he purposely stopped eating properly and taking his medication (he has several serious health issues) enough for a few trips to the ER and at least one stay in the hospital. MIL was beside herself with guilt because she wanted to be there for her sister, but FIL kept saying, "I forget to take my meds because I have dementia too! You need to take care of ME!"
After that, he still has incidents where his "dementia" crops up. FIL will drive MIL to some meeting or event, drop her off, drive away and then "forget" where she is. Instead of just calling her to ask her, he calls random family members in other cities to say he took her somewhere but he can't remember where he dropped her off, as if they would know where she's supposed to be. If the family member advised him to call MIL, he would either make excuses or change the subject.
Later, we discovered that he somehow managed to block MIL's number in his phone, no one else's, just hers. FIL only knows how to scroll through the contacts list and press the name to call someone; he usually needs help with the other features on the phone. MIL took his phone and unblocked herself a few times, then FIL graduated to "losing" the phone completely. She bought him a new phone, and she continued to get blocked.
Mind you, this is one of a long list of things he's done where, the topic comes up, he will laugh about it!
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u/throwawayfoolishqs 2d ago
Without wanting to invalidate one second of your horrible experiences, please let me take exception to how the title of your post could be interpreted...that dementia can "lift the veil" of what was always underneath. My mother and husband both had dementia towards the end of their lives, and there is no connection between the truth of who they were, and what their declining brains did to them. Your MIL sounds like she was always an unkind person. That's not related to the torture her mind went through trying to make sense of a world she no longer had the capacity to understand. My mother got paranoid towards me and it absolutely broke my heart, but it would have been so much worse if I'd had to think she was always like that. She wasn't. I will die before I let dementia take me.
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u/cloudiedayz 2d ago
Agree with this- 2 of my grandparents were just completely different people because of dementia. Obviously a horrible experience for OP to go through, not invalidating that. I would just hate for people to think that it’s the case that people with dementia are behaving in a way they always would have if they were not inhibited by following societal norms.
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u/Cavortingcanary 1d ago
I'm pretty sure thats what OP is saying, that her MIL was always nasty, but that dementia has provided an excuse for her to be mean and revealed what was simmering underneath.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
I see it now how that could be interpreted....you are correct...maybe I should have said the veil over my eyes was lifted...my therapist and I spent a lot of time discussing her treatment of me before the dementia hit, it was passive aggressive at best.
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u/BoozeAndHotpants 1d ago edited 1d ago
I had a mother who had poorly treated mental illness and made me suffer mightily growing up. I got stuck being her caretaker as she declined with dementia over the Covid years. She got bad enough I was finally able to force caregivers on her after three fucking years of putting myself through hell just to keep her alive and her fighting against me and getting nastier and nastier as her social filters fell away. I totally understand the exact wording of your title. As she lost the ability to apply those social filters, her inner nastiness was more and more revealed to everyone, not just me. I always knew she was nasty.
Now, all these years later, she is in a personal care home/hospice, is nicer since she’s become bed bound but still can be abusive to the staff who care for her. I look back and cannot believe how miserable I was over those years and how horrific that whole time was. I totally sacrificed myself to take care of this woman who didn’t care for me.
I’m so glad you are finally out from under this dark cloud. Take time and distance to heal yourself, and do it without guilt. Hugs!
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
Wow...that hit home...we too had to force caregivers upon her...she just wanted us to do everything...thank you !
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u/rmebmr 2d ago
After all this, your BIL still never stepped in to help? She has your husband's cousins taking care of her because BIL apparently has time to paint you as a villain, but he was never concerned enough to come to see exactly how his mother was doing?
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
No...says we just need to be more compassionate...which is code for you take care of her without making her uncomfortable (in home care), mad (no driving) and letting her have her way (continue to put all her needs and problems on me and my husband).
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u/rmebmr 1d ago
Sounds like my BIL. He's the favorite and lives closer, but he never has time for his parents unless he needs something. He's good at telling everyone else how to run their own lives, while his is always a mess. Even his kids were asking him to check in on MIL and FIL, but he made excuses. He's retired and has time, but he's always too tired to make the trip, even though he manages to travel to other places with no problem.
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u/Equal_Commission881 1d ago
My mother with her dementia isn't bad like that because she has my golden child sister doing all of her stuff for her. I live here, and I'm her verbal punching bag. She will complain to my sister about something, sister will at least call her out, and she'll act fine. When my sister leaves, mother will stew about whatever the complaint was and start in on me.
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u/LurkerNan 2d ago
Dementia can change a person's personality, and make them incredibly paranoid. As much as it's easier to think she always thought that way, it's more likely the dementia has been altering her brain for a while now. You don't have to get involved with her struggles as you and your husband have your own right now, but it would be nice to remember the person she used to be with some fondness. That's what I've had to do with my mother.
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u/coolest_crocodile 2d ago
I’ve just read your last three posts. Unbelievable. I can’t believe you had to deal with that for forty years. I had to deal with the light version of your MIL for the past ten years, and it was exhausting. Going very low contact was the best decision I’ve made in the past decade. Enjoy your peace, and I hope your husband will make a full recovery.
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u/bluewren33 2d ago edited 2d ago
Dementia doesn't bring out s person's inner nature. It's cruel and insidious.
My MIL was a bit like yours. When she had dementia and went into a nursing home she was the sweetest thing. Staff explained it's hard for families that there can seem to be a personaity shift but that is not like taking a few drinks and your "real" personality emerging.
If you had good times remember those. This hateful person does not I have to reflect the personality she hid all along
It hurt when my mother accused me of stealing, having affairs, trying to poison her but that wasn't her. It was the brain rotting dementia talking.
Edited to add I am not wanting to invalidate OPs experience The heading bought back bad memories. I read through more carefully after. She sounds awful. I left the post as the core remains valid. With official dementia, as it progresses the patient cannot be judged for their personality and impaired actions as if they could otherwise.
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u/Comfortable_Sky_6438 2d ago
Dude I know this is hard and frustrating but your mother in law is 92 years old with dementia. None of this is her fault and you all should have moved her into assisted living years ago.
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u/OniyaMCD 2d ago
The brother-in-law was feeding into MIL's paranoia, telling her it was okay to keep driving and whatnot. It sounds like OP was *trying* to get other help than herself for MIL - not the least reason being that OP is dealing with a housebound DH on top of MIL's shitshow. When you've got an enabler working against you, these kinds of decisions that seem so obvious become infinitely more difficult.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
"I just Mommy to be happy" She failed the driving test administered by her health care, doctor can recommend she stop driving but the family has to do it...he was very upset. He said we did that on purpose so he would have to take care of her.
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u/Rimkantas 2d ago
Okay... and? Yes, her mental decline isn't her fault, but MIL's terrible treatment of OP for the entire time they knew each other and the consequences that result from that behavior is most definitely, 100%, her fault. Two things can be true at the same time.
Why do you say that OP should have gotten her into assisted living? She had no way of convincing her MIL to do so and no way of getting the legal power necessary to force her.
It is better for both of them if OP is not involved in her care. Since any sort of involvement of OP in MIL's life has always caused her such great distress she will be better off this way. OP tried so hard for this horrible, bitter, manipulative, woman. It's way beyond time that anyone but OP takes the reigns.
MIL made her bed for the last 40 years, and now she must lie in it.
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u/HelpfulPhrase5806 1d ago
Dementia is a horrible illness. As it progresses, there is always the balance between how much to take and when to remove yourself. And yes, when (because it will likely happen to everyone caring and setting boundaries) you get unfairly targeted, it is better for all to step away because nothing good comes out of contact. The goal is always to create as safe and comfortable environment as possible, and sometimes that means stepping up, sometimes it means stepping away. And it is super important to know your limits, take breaks, and not go into carers burnout.
Sounds like OP had more than enough on her plate already and her stepping up was not creating safe and comfortable environments for either person.
MIL needing help does not mean OP is obligated to do so, nor that she is the best choice. It does seem like MIL is easier to handle for the rest of them tho, now that she has her scapegoat for everything wrong and for her paranoia, so others dont share that particular burden. OP is helping by simply existing at this point.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
One of the cousins said the exact same thing! they have been taking care of her for one month and said...we do not know how you did it!
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
I totally agree...it is hard for me to describe the absolute horror of having all the responsibility and no power...and a BIL actively working against you!
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u/Comfortable_Sky_6438 1d ago
I get it we have a similar issue with my grandmother and it is incredibly frustrating. But then maybe you need to put the ball in brother in laws court. At this point the government can even assign a guardian if you choose to report it.
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u/Alicam123 2d ago
That’s If she even has dementia, some people are crafty and can act the act and even walk the walk. You’d be surprised what older people will pretend to do just for the attention, until they get called out that is and I’ve heard it all. (Being a cop, I’ve seen a lot of bs and good acting)
On the other hand dementia can twist someone’s memory and make it into something completely different, just in case maybe OP should go NC, they have enough to worry about and someone else can deal with MIL.
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u/AubergineVictory 2d ago
Thank you for pointing this out. Her family has failed her.
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u/AcadiaPinkGranite 2d ago
Her family did NOT fail her. She is such a horrible person, no one wants to deal with her. STOP doing anything for her, stop answering phone, etc. She is not your problem, you have put up with her nastiness for too long. It’s time that she faces the consequences for her outrageous behavior.
If someone thinks poorly of you for stopping, just ignore them and let them take care of her.
I suggest you notify her doctor that you will no longer have any contact with her, also any other relatives (but not by phone call), local service that assists senior citizens, and local police because she might show up at your door.
Do not let her in, do not talk to her except to warn her if she does not leave your property, you will call the police. She has bullied you and other people for a long time, ignore her—and concentrate on taking care of your poor husband.
Be strong and rid your life of her meanness.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
I wouldn’t say I’m disagreeing — I absolutely recognize how complicated this has been. She does have two sons, both clearly affected by FOG, and she was still driving just a month ago. When I took her to her lawyer six months ago to arrange a POA, she became so hostile that the lawyer asked me to leave the room. Was I coercing her? I don’t believe so — I was trying to help her make a plan. We even arranged for in-home care, which she refused to allow in. It took my husband threatening to cut off contact before she accepted the help. That’s not coercion — that’s desperation to get her the support she needs.
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u/Unlucky-Captain1431 2d ago
Just here to support you. That’s a lot to be going through. Keep your focus on home. You don’t need the utter bullshit from that old bat. Hang in there, you’re a wonderful human being.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
Thank you so much...it is so therapeutic for others to see what you have gone though and be so supportive !!
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u/Choice-Fuel-9785 15h ago
Oh man, Demtia can bring out the parinora, That's not her.. But she does need to be in a home.
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u/Cool_Organization_55 2d ago
You have gone through enough. Let your in laws deal with this demon from hell. Your patience, kindness, and tolerance will be rewarded for the rest of your life. You are a rare and special person to take care of your husband's mom like this. Be proud of yourself because you are caring and strong.
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u/cannotsolvethis 1d ago
That was really sweet and why I continue to share my story, one thing I learned from my MIL was how not to treat my DIL!
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u/Cool_Organization_55 1d ago
Same with mine. She is 80 and has tormented me the entire time I've known her. Cognitive decline has only made her meaner. I will never treat my DIL or SIL that way.
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u/Fast-Marionberry-367 8h ago
I worked for a while in Dementia care. This behavior is “normal” during the stage where they know something isn’t right but don’t why.
They usually have very high anxiety which can lead to behavioral issues-sometimes violent. It is scary to feel like you don’t know where you are, why things go “missing” or keep “changing.” They take steps to “protect themselves” but don’t remember they did it. Or they thought they did it, but didn’t. Or if they were just thinking they would do it but forgot to.
It often progresses to “time travel” later. This is often accompanied by wandering off, not recognizing people or places. They may think they are 25 again. Not remember they had children, etc.
None of this has anything to do with you or her. Our brains are complicated systems that rely on physical, electrical and chemical connections. In dementias (there are many kinds) the connections are not working properly. Depending on how they coped with stress before and what ever reality their brain is serving up at that moment, it can result in chaos.
It’s important to get professionals involved and get her affairs in order. This is going to progress and you and her family being proactive now can prevent a tragedy. It can also ease anxiety and make her more comfortable if she is being cared for and treated properly by people trained in dementia care.
I’m sorry you are going through this. This disease often affects the family as much as the patient. It’s heartbreaking. Take care of yourself and your husband. ❤️
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u/MinionsHaveWonOne 13h ago
I’ll post our last text messages in another post — I think they prove she knew exactly what she was doing all along.
I'll reserve final judgment until your next post but frankly if your MIL has dementia then I think it highly unlikely her recent texts will prove anything other than she has dementia.
It's a myth that dementia just removes someone's inhibitions and reveals their true self. Dementia is a deterioration of the brain and changes to the brain can and do cause complete changes to personality. It's extremely common for people with dementia to start mistrusting their nearest and dearest and you should absolutely not be taking this personally.
That doesn't mean you have to like it or continue to expose yourself to it. Caregiver burnout is a real thing and if MIL has reached that point of paranoia against you then you probably couldn't achieve anything positive by trying anyway.
But your MIL is ill. That's it. She's not evil. Two things can be true at the same time - it can be completely unfair that she is treating you like this (you certainly don't deserve it) while at the same time not her fault she treats you like this. If she had all her facilities then this would be JN behaviour but she doesn't so it isn't. This is no one's fault, it's just a tragedy for everyone involved, including MIL.
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u/mistybird2197 13h ago
Yes I agree. There are over 100 types of dementia and some can cause a complete change of personality. The person exhibits challenging behaviour and paranoia. OP you have gone above and beyond to support her, but it’s time to let someone else take over before you burn out and make yourself ill.
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u/botinlaw 2d ago
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Other posts from /u/cannotsolvethis:
40 years…FOG has lifted...Part 3 the aftermath..., 3 years ago
40 years…FOG has lifted...Part 2 Car ride home, text messages..., 3 years ago
40 years…FOG has lifted...Part 1, 3 years ago
MIL goes to ER for attention....I mean a cold!, 5 years ago
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