r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Dry-Dot-7811 • 1d ago
Anyone Else? Boundaries make relationships Stronger.
We introduced our baby to MIL for the first time when he was about five and a half weeks old. She lives two hours away, and as soon as she saw the baby she kissed him. A short while later, she did it again while sitting on the couch. My husband and I told her calmly but firmly that this was not allowed. We explained that our boundaries are no kissing, no feeding, no changing, and no bathing.
She seemed confused, so we clarified. At that point, she mentioned that for the last five years she had assumed I was Jewish because we chose not to circumcise our son. I explained that I am not Jewish and that our decision was personal. She then asked if she could watch me change him because she wanted to see his uncircumcised penis. I told her directly that this was not appropriate and not something I was comfortable with.
The next morning, she looked me directly in the eyes and said she was going to kiss the back of the baby’s head, and then did so before I could respond. Both my husband and I reacted, took the baby, and left the room. We stayed away for a couple of hours, and when we returned we reaffirmed our boundaries. Since then, she has not asked to hold the baby or challenged us in any way.
That evening my husband spoke with her again and made it clear that if she crossed our boundaries, she would not be able to have a relationship with us. She listened quietly and said she was grateful for the opportunity to be present.
He also told her that while our baby is still a newborn we do not need help, but that may change in the future. She simply responded that she would be grateful for any opportunity, and that was how the visit ended.
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u/CapableOutside8226 1d ago
For the record, MIL can google uncircumcised penis; there are lots & lots & lots of online images.
Lots
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u/cicadasinmyears 1d ago
This is true. I can’t imagine the fresh hell she would land herself in if she added the word(s) “newborn”, “one-month-old”, etc. to her search terms. 😳😳
There is just no universe in which she has an actual legitimate need to see his penis; the people changing him - so his parents - and I guess maybe any medical personnel, if they were having to check him over for some reason, would qualify. And they wouldn’t be looking out of idle curiosity in either case.
And that, my friends, is about 100 words more than I ever thought I would be writing about any child’s penis, ever. 😂
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u/fungushoney 1d ago
“she had assumed I was Jewish because we chose not to circumcise” 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 the Jewish literally invented circumcision??? all Jewish males are circumcised (not in a hospital, at a special event called the Bris at one week old) and in fact its VERY odd that American culture took it on as a normalcy because no other culture/nationality does this unless they are Jewish,,,, I’m absolutely cracking up over how utterly incredibly bafflingly incorrect
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u/Lindris 1d ago
I’m guessing her obsession with seeing your son’s uncircumcised penis is why only you and DH can do diaper changes. That is wildly inappropriate.
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
Honestly I imposed the rule prior just because I take integrity of the baby not having any rashes and great skin and don’t trust other people to do the same.
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u/Sassy-Peanut 1d ago
This doesn't make sense as Jewish families do circumsize their sons; it's a religious tradition. So why would MiL assume you were Jewish for not doing it?
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
See, she was confused why I didn't do it since presumedly in her mind I'm Jewish...
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u/Sassy-Peanut 1d ago
Totally confused because unless you are Jewish and therefore it's for religious reasons, there is no justified reason for circumsision unless there is a medical reason. It seems to have become a standard thing in the US but not anywhere else. I don't know any non-Jew who does this to their baby boys.
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u/chunkybonks 1d ago
She then asked if she could watch me change him because she wanted to see his uncircumcised penis - well that’s weird
So, in her whole life, she has never seen a regular penis. Not in person. Not on TV. Not on her son/your husband before they presumably circumcised him (based on her comment). WHAT.
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u/KittyPuperMamaPerson 1d ago
Please don’t assume this is the end of her behavior. Keep enforcing your boundaries, but be prepared. This is in no way the end of her BS.
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
Exactly what I told my husband. This is all a phase.
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u/whateverinottawa 1d ago
You are listening, but I am still here kermit-arm-screaming, do NOT let your guard down.
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
Same, we’re both in sales and said to ourselves in the car that we will see. 👀
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u/HelpfulCupid 1d ago
she had assumed I was Jewish because we chose not to circumcise our son
not only is she a creepy pervert, she’s also dumb af
sorry you have to deal with her, and please never ever leave her alone with your son
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u/dmac3232 1d ago
She then asked if she could watch me change him because she wanted to see his uncircumcised penis
what????
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
Glad you picked up on it. I thought that was super weird. Red flag. If I tell you I don’t want you looking at my son’s private parts don’t ask why…
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u/newlyrediscovered 1d ago
It is a red flag and my MIL is/was the same way, and kept trying to nonchalantly walk in or hijack diaper changes despite having the same rules you do. Stick firm to your boundaries and be prepared for people to tell you you're unreasonable because she's grandma and harmless. Trust your gut, I'm glad I did.
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u/OniyaMCD 1d ago
Um - she assumed you were Jewish because you did *not* circumcise your son? Damn, girl - Judaism has this whole *ceremony* based around circumcision. I even knew that before I met my husband and his (in all ways) Jewish mother. (I still miss her kugel and being asked if we'd eaten when we were still 4 hours from getting there.)
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u/fribble13 1d ago
I wonder if the decision not to circumcise made MIL realize OP was not Jewish? She'd assumed it up to that point?
Because if you know two things about Judaism, circumcision is one of them.
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
For the past five years, she has assumed I was Jewish solely based on my Russian and Kyrgyzstani heritage. It's a wild assumption, especially since she has known me for that long. She even mentioned that she told her friends about it over the years. It's surprising how aloof she has been about this.
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u/Legitimate_Result797 1d ago
Well now you definitely know without a doubt, you can NEVER leave your child with this craziness.
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u/Strange-Report-9249 1d ago
I wouldn’t let her watch him unsupervised ever ever ever ever after the wanting to see his penis comment. That’s sooooooo creepy
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u/Wild_Midnight_1347 1d ago
absolutely no way would I ever trust your MIl with your child. Not only does she seem like a pervert, MIl will do whatever she wants if alone with your child. The first she will do will be checking out your child’s private parts.8
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
You know, that's where my brain jumped. The willingness to ask that out of free will sent a red flag internally.
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u/Dry-Dot-7811 1d ago
Super proud of it people pleasing and having a SHINY SPINE. DH killed it y’all. He would run over and tell me about his new set boundaries 🤣💃
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Prestigious_Ear_7374 1d ago
This. My monster in law is pushy with baptism (and she is not the example of Christian at all), so I have my mom, my sister, and if impossible, staying with baby, never will ever that person stay with my LO.
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u/OppositeOctopi 1d ago
Don't scare OP with that shit. That would be so extreme for gma to pull off.
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Other posts from /u/Dry-Dot-7811:
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DH sees the light., 1 week ago
Boundary Win, 3 weeks ago
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