r/JUSTNOMIL • u/thinkplantythoughts • 1d ago

New User 👋 Perfect evangelical MIL

Just coming across this subreddit, and would love to know if there are others more specific to conservative Christian evangelical MILs/in-laws in general.

I've had a difficult time finding others who have experienced an in-law family who is manipulative, codependent, etc and hides behind the image of Christianity. For example, they have never explicitly said or done anything rude to me (because they would look bad), but there are so many subtle messages that I am not accepted by them (despite them saying they love me SO MUCH). I continuously get gifts from them that are either pink/girly clothes that are smaller than comfortable on me, or my MIL loves to gift me her Marykay makeup. When they insist on taking pictures at every gathering, they are so pushy about me being in the front so that I can be seen. (My MIL has physically grabbed my wrist to pull me into a picture - the only time anything overt like that has happened, yet she denies remembering it).

My sweet husband has fought the good fight, being honest and open with them about what has made me uncomfortable. My MIL "apologized" for "anything she could have possibly ever done to hurt me in any way" and proceeds to not understand. It seemed that this "apology" was her way of seeming like the bigger person, and can blame me for not moving on. She keeps praying about me giving them grace (sweeping it under the rug) without taking any real accountability. She continuously sends me unsolicited texts about how she's praying for me to have a "fantastic Friday", etc.

It's so hard to describe all these covert things because they look and sound so sweet to outsiders. And I think they genuinely believe they're doing the right thing. But it's so obvious to me at this point that it's manipulation and taking away my ability to consent. Any similar stories/other subreddits would be so appreciated. The gaslighting is so real 😅

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u/thinkplantythoughts 1d ago

Definitely gossip framed as being concerned or seeking advice/support. There's always a workaround to where they still look innocent!

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u/Bubbly-Champion-6278 1d ago

I regret being so open about my past and things that happened to me when seeking support at an evangelical church I attended years ago as I felt things I disclosed 'in confidence' were held against me.

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u/thinkplantythoughts 1d ago

Damn, I hate this for you. This stuff pisses me off. It's like taking advantage of someone who's in a vulnerable state, and using it to get more power over them

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u/Bubbly-Champion-6278 23h ago

Thanks. It's ok now but sometimes I regret being so open.Â