r/JUSTNOMIL • u/SecureChallenge7925 • 20h ago
Advice Wanted MIL buys plane tickets to see the baby without discussing the dates with us first
Hi! MIL keeps buying plane tickets to come see the baby (9months) without discussing and agreeing with us the dates first. She does not stay with us when she comes here (stays with her parents), but wants to see the baby multiple times over the time period she's here. Therefore, feels like the dates should be agreed with us first.. She's done this four times now. When she comes, she also always "encourages" us to go out, because she "can watch the baby".. also wants to stay with the baby overnight, so frequently suggests us going to a spa resort for a weekend.. I agreed to this 3 times now, because I felt bad for my husband, I regret all three times. My husband does not think this is a big deal and wants to include his mom in the baby's life. He feels like it would be unfair if his mom did not get to stay with the baby overnight because my parents get to. Full honesty, I don't like my MIL, I think she's loud, impolite, and overbearing, and I don't want her staying alone with my son or visiting him too often. Advice on how to handle this?
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u/MadTrophyWife 12h ago
Staying with the baby overnight isn't some sort of privilege people "deserve." It's a thing that should happen when you need it, not just because someone wants it.
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u/Literally_Taken 13h ago
Wear your baby while she visits.
Say no to things you really don’t want to do.
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u/Jovon35 15h ago
I agree with previous posters that you should stop entertaining her when she pops up like this. Additionally, your husband needs to understand that "fair" does not mean "equal"! People get varying degrees of access to your baby depending on their behavior. Therefore, somebody who is thoughtful, kind, and considerate would naturally have more access to your child. When your mother-in-law learns how to communicate with you guys and operate within the boundaries of your comfort she will earn the privilege of watching your child when she comes to town.
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u/StaticCharacter90 14h ago
Also, are OP’s parents making plans with you guys / baby without asking? If no, then why does your MIL get to do so? That’s not “fair” to you or your parents. It can’t be a free-for-all with every parent and your time, baby, and space. Asking when to come visit is bare minimum respect. Just be prepared — because if you ask her to start asking — she’s just going to do so as a formality with the same frequency and insistence as she’s currently visiting.
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u/wovenbasket69 14h ago
Next time she calls be like “oh thats so unfortunate I’ll be out of town that week - I wish you would have called first!” and then tell your husband you already planned girls time with your own mom/friend/sister. Take the baby, rinse, repeat until she learns.
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u/Effective_mom1919 13h ago
This is absolutely what I would do! Or just be super busy during that time with baby classes, outtings, doctors appts etc.
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u/Various-Weird-412 16h ago
Yeah I wouldn’t cancel any plans and just be busy when she comes. If she can’t plan with you guys why should you last minute? This has worked for her 3 times already why would she want to stop something that works out for her everytime? Be busy and unavailable!!!!!
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u/loricomments 15h ago
She's doing it because you're not shutting the door in her face when she shows up without checking in with you first. This isn't blame, it's just facts. It's hard and she'll make you feel mean about it but just tell her no, you aren't available. And do not give in after a day or two, let her come to town and leave without seeing the baby, not even a dinner out. She'll learn, eventually, to get your permission first.
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u/mama2babas 19h ago
This isnt a MIL problem, this is a husband problem. You need to get on the same page and be willing to sacrifice overnights with your parents to prevent MIL from having that option, too. BUT if you NEED help with overnights and your parents maintain a positive relationship with you AND your husband, then the conversation needs to be had about equitability rather than tit for tat fairness.
You decide your boundaries and you do not bend them to your MIL or husband. If he can't respect that, you take him to counseling. No one is entitled to alone time with your child and no one is entitled to your time PERIOD.
Let him know when you would be happy to accommodate his mother visiting. Give him a solid time-frame and let him be responsible fully for hosting her. Make it a requirement that he spends time alone with his mother during these visits, too. She needs to maintain the adult relationships in order to have any relationship with your baby. She can't just come and go around the both of you to get her emotional needs met through your child without making an effort to show you due respect and consideration.
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u/Floating-Cynic 16h ago
"Look, I appreciate that you want to spend time with baby, but unexpected plans are actually really stressful. Going forward, if you want to babysit, we need you to check with us on ideal dates for visiting. I've been trying to be kind by accommodating your desires, and I'm afraid I've been sending the wrong message by continuing to leave when you ask me to, so I'm not going to be giving up time with baby when you visit unless you specifically make arrangements in advance."
Then when she tries it, you tell her over snd over "I'm sorry Lynda, but I'm not planning to leave tonight. I let you know we needed arrangements in advance for a reason. Maybe next time."
Get into couples counseling ASAP btw- because when she gets upset, DH is very likely to turn on you.
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u/stacefacebasketcase 15h ago
Your priority is not the feelings of the grandparents, so it doesn't matter how "fair" MIL or DH think things are. If these spontaneous visits are screwing up your baby schedule then yes, she's doing you a disservice and boundaries should be put in place and held to. While you don't have any say over her coming to visit her parents you're not obligated to entertain her or let her babysit every visit. She keeps doing this because you keep letting her, she'll keep doing it until boundaries are enforced.
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u/Vibe_me_pos 13h ago
Your MIL is a bulldozer who has no consideration for your schedule or what’s going on in your life. She is impolite, and impolite people do not get to be rewarded.
If your family asks before coming over, respects your boundaries, defers to you about the baby and treats you and your husband kindly, then of course they will have more access than a bully who tells, not asks, when she will visit, and makes demands that you are uncomfortable with regarding the baby.
Your husband needs to see that there are consequences to actions, and equal time does not apply to a baby. A baby is not the class pet that each kid takes home for the weekend.
You have to earn the time you spend with someone else’s child even when you are a grandparent.
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u/Alternative-Number34 20h ago
You're allowed to tell your husband no. Tell him to make it clear to her that she needs to discuss the dates with you first.
Take the baby and go away for a few days. Let them both know that you're done being walked all over.
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u/Rain12Bow 19h ago
OP, you’re right, the dates need to be agreed on with you and DH first.
Here would be my game plan:
1) Decided on your personal boundaries (ie limits to what you can tolerate). Do you want her to check with you before booking? How many times a year can you cope with her visiting? For how long? Will you leave baby overnight with her?
2) Decide on what you will do when the boundary is not respected (ie what will you do to protect your own needs. For example, if she doesn’t check with me, my answer is an immediate “sorry, we aren’t available”. If she asks to have baby overnight, my answer is “no thank you”.
3) Try to get on the same page with DH. This might be the biggest hurdle. Discuss and hopefully agree on a plan together.
4) If this fails, couples counselling.
Good luck OP!
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u/Jaded_Egg1024 17h ago
So I disagree with those who say things need to be fair between the two sets of parents. Things absolutely do not need to be fair!
If your MIL disrespects your time by not discussing visitation dates you don’t need to change your schedule so she can see the baby. You also definitely don’t need to reward her with an overnight visit.
Parents/in-laws have different capabilities in terms with caring for a baby. My mom is the only grandparent physically and mentally capable of babysitting my baby. We are not going to hand the baby off to the others (despite how pleased they’d be) just to make them “feel” good. If your MIL wants to care for the baby over night she can start by being respectful of your and your time, which would probably go along way in making you comfortable.
Your husband needs to talk to your mom about her lack of communication and expectations around visits moving forward. He also needs to start putting you and your baby’s feelings first. Your baby is approaching the stranger danger phase and likely won’t want to be overnight with your MIL anyway.
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u/PopLivid1260 17h ago
Reminds me of my parents. They wanted to buy a house near us (husband, kiddo, and I) so they could spend more time here. I knew what that would inevitably turn into dh and I taking care of that home for them (including maintenance, snow removal, whatever) and dh and I didn't want to do that (my parents have done this with my siblings before so I knew it would turn into that).
I sat my mom down and told her that I appreciate the sentiment that they want to visit more and can absolutely appreciate the idea that they'd much rather stay in their own place. However, under no circumstances would we agree to care for their home while they aren't there (which would be 95% of the time). I told her that it would be more economically prudent to just stay at a hotel if she wants the space when she visits but that we won't do any home care.
She was upset at first, but years later, she thanked me for being honest.
In this case, your husband needs to tell his mom that she can travel wherever she wants, whenever she wants but that if she wants to see you guys and spend time then she needs to clear it with you guys first, otherwise no one can for sure shlay they'll be available.
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u/Careless-Image-885 17h ago
Do not cancel plans if she shows up. Say NO when she wants to keep the baby by herself.
If she shows up at the door, grab the baby and your purse. As you walk out, say sorry but we are busy.
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u/Sbatio 16h ago
Boundaries are good. If her parents live in the area, it’s not really your place to tell her to plan her trips around your desired dates. She can travel wherever she wants to.
You do not have to change your schedule for her.
I would say something like “if you want to make plans with us then we need to agree on dates that work for our schedule.”
You are the parents and get to decide what happens with your family. It doesn’t sound like MIL is doing anything unsafe or bad when she watches your kid?
If you find her loud and abrasive you may be missing that she’s trying to give you and your husband time to be a couple vs trading off the baby.
Does she take good care of your son when she has him?
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u/DogfordAndI 20h ago
The 'unfair' argument is so brain dead to me. It's a baby. A living human. It's not a toy one gets to call dibs on and squabble over like some kid or a reward for good behaviour. The concept of fair simply doesn't apply. Some people are fit and trustworthy to care for one and some just aren't.
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u/MotherOfCrotchFruit 16h ago
"oh you should have asked. we have plans this week and wont be able to see you"
STOP SEEING HER
STOP LETTING HER DICTATE YOUR SCHEDULE
find your NO and use it.
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u/jennsb2 20h ago
His mom can be included in the baby’s life without watching him alone overnight. That is not the standard of inclusion. “No thank you, I don’t feel like going to a spa - I appreciate the offer”.
When you have a baby, “fair” doesn’t apply to anyone but the baby. He’s the priority for both of you now, and your husband needs to grow up.
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u/Alert_Ad_5750 20h ago
Maybe when she turns up unannounced and has booked without checking with the you guys, that’ll be the week you guys go away or you have plans in the days that follow… you carry on with whatever your plans are. You do not drop everything for her. You tell her she needs to arrange and check with you first, overnights are not happening due to safety concerns.
All she needs to actually do is communicate with you about when is good to come - that is basic respect. Right now she seems to think she’s more important than anyone else and that you’re sitting on your ass all day.
You don’t leave your baby alone with her because you don’t leave them unsupervised, that’s it. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone you are the mother.
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u/CremeDeMarron 17h ago
Your MIL is free to travel whenever she wants since she s staying somewhere else, however don't cancel any plans you scheduled while she's here.
" I'm sorry we aren't free today"
" We made other plans"
" That doesn't work for us "
" Right now is not a good time"
That is not your job to accomodate her. Not your responsibility to fit with her plans since she didn't discuss it before buying plane tickets. Again she s free to travel and come to see her parents. But if her only visit's goal is to see LO every days and spending all her time with you , she should have consulted you before , should have asked if the dates suit you or see when you re free .
Do not open your door to any unannounced uninvited visits. Only allow planned ones.
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u/OniyaMCD 20h ago
Tell your husband that part of getting to watch the baby is respecting the parents. Your MIL bulldozing her way into unscheduled visits and baby-sitting is disrespectful. If she can't manage the basic respect of asking if it's a good time to visit, how can you expect her to respect your parenting style?
You can include MIL in supervised situations (since it's a plane ride away, 'often' is going to be mitigated by her ability to make the trip.)
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u/bluetopaz83 20h ago
Sounds like great time to have a weekend away/ go visit your parents/ old friends etc.
Let her deal with the consequences of not talking to you about her plans before she makes them.
‘Oh that’s shame a shame MIL, we aren’t here on those dates. Next time let us know earlier so we can keep some time free’.
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u/KDinNS 18h ago
MIL keeps buying plane tickets to come see the baby (9months) without discussing and agreeing with us the dates first. She does not stay with us when she comes here (stays with her parents), but wants to see the baby multiple times over the time period she's here. Therefore, feels like the dates should be agreed with us first.. She's done this four times now.
Have you ever told her not to do this? That as parents with jobs and lives and stuff, you don't just drop everything for guests who invite themselves without checking in with you first?
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u/SecureChallenge7925 17h ago
I told my husband to tell her multiple times. I don't think he did as he does not want to sound rude...
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u/madgeystardust 17h ago
But he’s ok with her being rude by doing this and demanding time with your child?!
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u/GrowFlowersNotWeeds 17h ago
“…I told my husband to tell her multiple times. I don't think he did as he does not want to sound rude...”
Tell your husband to find his spine and shine it up, and stop setting you on fire to keep his mommy warm. He needs to put his spouse’s feelings above his mommy’s feelings. It is his job to be the go between for you and his parents. If you are uncomfortable with a situation, it should be discussed between the two of you, and he should handle it with his family. It works that way for him with your family as well. It is not asking too much to be included in the decision-making about her travel plans. Nobody should ever just show up for a visit at someone’s house and expect to be welcomed with open arms. Your husband wants his mother included in your baby’s life. This is a reasonable request if she is not an abusive person. She should not be denied just because you don’t like her. But her showing up and expecting overnight visits is a little odd. Consider allowing her some scheduled time with your child, but it does not have to be overnight. The big problem here though, is your relationship with your husband. The two of you are not communicating and putting each other first. Figure that out, and the MIL problem becomes much less of a problem.
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u/Both_Pound6814 20h ago
Stop feeling guilty, and say no. Both your husband and MIL count on you feeling guilty to give her what she wants, but they’re both unreasonable. In some situations in life, fair doesn’t exist. MIL lives far away and doesn’t have as good a relationship with both of baby’s parents, so why should she have unfettered access to baby. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries by verifying visitation BEFORE buying tickets, why reward her with what she wants? No, you don’t reward bad or toxic behaviors, especially those that boundary cross.
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u/hope3311 20h ago
Don't go anywhere without your baby!! You decide, not Mil. You have allso a husband problem. You & your husband and your children are now forming your own family. Your own family must always be number 1. You MUST talk the rules out in advance with your husband. After that, you will ALWAYS be of the same opinion TOGETHER IN FRONT OF OTHERS!!!
If you are against for example what Mil says or demand, then in that case, your husband will also be against the idea. If you don't make this work, it will slowly break your relationship and family. Then you will either get divorced or you will "wither" mentally.
The situation will only get worse slowly. You will soon notice that Mil decides about Christmas, birthdays, holidays, hairdressers, etc. Your opinions will soon not matter at all. Stand up for yourself!
Our own children (4) are already big, 3 of them are adults and the last one is already 8 years old. I have NEVER been able to leave them in anyone's care when they were little. Once we took our firstborn, who had just turned 1, to sil to care, while we went to eat and celebrate our wedding anniversary. However, I couldn't concentrate at all on eating etc., I just wanted to get back to my daughter. (Our daughter was in care for less than 3 hours). After that, we never left our children in care anywhere when they were small.
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u/commentspanda 20h ago
Drop the rope. He needs to coordinate everything with her. That includes if he’s at work and you’re at home….lock the door and don’t answer it. You were busy or out and it wasn’t confirmed with you before she showed up.
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u/Bigisucre 20h ago
She wants to set the rules and does so as long as you both (you and husband!) don't set firm boundaries and enforce them! If she comes to the door unannounced, don't open. If she calls and says she is at the door and to let her in, say no, It's not a good time and you are occupied otherwise. She will learn. If not - continue to let her stand outside. Tell your husband you are not changing your plans at his mother's whims. You and baby are not his mom's entertainment. He has to grow a set of balls. He has his own family now and it has to come first, and if he continues to set his mom on the first place and you and your needs second, you know everything you need to know. If he doesn't change, leave with baby for a long visit to your family. If he doesn't see that he has to be at your side, leave for good. Or you will lose yourself and get depressed.
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u/ZyxwvandYou 18h ago edited 16h ago
If he doesn’t think your MIL is doing anything wrong, why do you feel bad for your husband? MIL definitely is in the wrong. It’s common courtesy to ask before dropping by. I hate pop-ins. Even if I wasn’t going out and planned a quiet evening at home, that plan is now ruined. My mom raised me to always call, always ask and never assume. It sounds like your MIL is more concerned with her wants and needs than she is those of the mother of this baby she has to see.
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u/CartographerCold5597 20h ago
There’s a reason you feel this way. It’s your mama instinct. Also you should not have to drop everything to cater to her when she won’t run her plans by you first.
Tell your husband there’s a reason you feel this way and you are not comfortable with anything except supervised visits until you two get on the same page.
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u/Ok_Frame_8864 20h ago
This is a common theme around here, watch out, her excuse will be "Don't worry, I'm here to see the BABY" aka "Move aside and make a room for me, your consent isn't needed here"
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u/Funny-Win6291 20h ago
Handle the not respecting your time thing first and foremost. I assume you both work and can’t just drop everything to be around for her preferred visitation schedule. Then you need to get your husband on board that it isn’t normal to pressure parents to leave their child alone and the suggestion makes you feel uncomfortable and then he can either handle it or you play dumb to both and simply never let that happen. You are in control of your own life
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u/QuiteFrankE 18h ago
Why is she only bothered about seeing the baby and not her child and you?
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u/madgeystardust 17h ago
This would be why I’d say no.
She’d get the same once a year relationship she had before if she didn’t give a shit enough to bother visiting until there was a baby.
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u/No-Interaction-8913 18h ago
Don’t change or cancel any plans. My r always try to mess around with dates, I carry on with life and we’re busy so if the dates aren’t cleared with us there absolutely will be conflicts and poor planning on their part doesn’t make an emergency for me. Oh they’re coming on the 9th? Well you have moms group on the 10th and baby’s doctors on the 11th etc…
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19h ago
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u/yohanna3777170 18h ago
I think the biggest thing is consultation around the visiting. And she doesn’t get to dictate how often she comes to town or what she gets to do with the baby when she is here. The longer she bulldozes over you, the harder it will be to get out from under it.
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u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam 16h ago
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 18h ago
"Hi MiL - Both DH and I really appreciate your visits to see Baby. Just so that you don't have a wasted trip as we may already have something planned for when you're due to visit, can you text both DH and I please before you book and pay for your tickets in the future? We'd hate for you to have spent money only to find that we're already busy and have plans that can't be moved."
Something like that should help with the unexpected visits.
"Hi MiL - Both DH and I really appreciate your visits to see Baby. Going forward, we will not be booking any overnights away from baby for some time to come, so we won't need your assistance with Baby overnight. We'd be delighted if your generous offer of looking after Baby while we have a meal out might still stand but understand if you prefer not to."
Can I ask, when your parents help and have the baby overnight, are they actually helping because you and your husband are doing something that you can't have the baby around for or is it something as a nice to do? By that I mean if you're doing renovations (for example) and you don't want baby breathing in the dust or something so they have the baby overnight. Whereas his mother would be taking the baby overnight not to help you but to appease her.
You need to try to be fair to both sets of parents and you will have to welcome your MiL into the extended family as she is your husband's mother. Unless she has cloven feet an a trident, she might actually be ok to have around and as an ally and friend.
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u/SecureChallenge7925 17h ago
My parents stay at our house overnight with the baby when we want to go somewhere eg on a trip. It's always our idea, they never ask to leave the baby alone with them.
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u/Explorer-7622 14h ago
It kind of seems odd to me that she wants overnights with the baby.
Is that a normal request?
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 17h ago
Then perhaps your next overnight might happen when MiL is visiting and you can ask her to look after Baby while you go on your trip, rather than her asking to have Baby, you both ask her?
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19h ago
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18h ago
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u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam 18h ago
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u/melnancox 17h ago
The fact that you just “don’t like her” isn’t a great reason to limit contact between grandmother and baby. DH isn’t wrong about wanting his mother to be included. Does your husband feel about your parents the way you feel about his?
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u/Legitimate_Result797 17h ago
But she is rude and inconsiderate booking flights without checking with them first since her plans include time with them.
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u/madgeystardust 17h ago
I wouldn’t keep rewarding her doing this with time alone with the baby.
She keeps doing this because it’s working for her.
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u/SecureChallenge7925 17h ago
No, my parents were always intentional about building a relationship with him. They love and worry about him as if he was their own son. Whenever he achieved something in life, my parents would brag to anyone who listened. Sometimes I felt that they are prouder of him than me :D I also feel like my parents were more involved in his teenager/young adult years than his parents were (they were divorcing at the time). And I also feel like my husband knows my parents better than his own.
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u/loricomments 14h ago
It's not just not liking her. The woman shows up uninvited and expects to just take their child away. There are clear and valid reasons why she doesn't like her.
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u/prettyxinpink 17h ago
I understand it’s hard but you cannot control how people travel you can only control yourself. Did she previously make frequent trips to see her parents? Otherwise you are allowed control the days she visits with you
I also think you need to consider if you just don’t like her or is there a legitimate reason she can’t stay with the baby overnight when your mother can? You will know the answer and if there isn’t a legitimate reason and you don’t mind the baby staying overnight and your husband approved that’s a whole Other story
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u/SecureChallenge7925 17h ago
No, before the baby, she would only fly here for Xmas and maybe one more time during the year. This will be her 5th time flying over this year. She flies specifically to see the baby not her parents..
I don't like her, her behaviour and personality and I guess don't want my son exposed to this too much.
In terms of her care giving skills, I don't like how she wipes his face after every bite and I don't think she's careful enough with the baby. Once he quickly crawled across the sofa, and almost fell to the floor, I caught him, she did too, a second later, and said "I GOT him", as if to mean why are you panicking for nothing. She also frequently comments on his weight, which annoys me. (She and her mother love to comment on people's appearance and weight and have called my sister fat while I was in the room. This is an example of behaviour that I don't like.)
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u/Explorer-7622 14h ago
If you're seeing red flags of negligence or abuse and your husband is oblivious, I would get him into counseling about how he was treated growing up and what it means.
He may have been manipulated by guilt and obligation and fear of her reactions, and told that this was all normal.
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u/prettyxinpink 17h ago
I mean even if you don’t let the baby stay with her overnight which is your choice it seems as if your husband wants a close relationship between his parents and his children so hopefully you guys can come to some sort of agreement or acceptance of each other
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u/weebod77 15h ago
I’m kinda on the side with your DH. She raised him & if you chose him to be your life partner, she must have done something right. MiL is not encroaching into your space. She’s visiting her parents who are probably elderly & catching up with her son & his family at the same time. You may feel she’s inconvenienced you by not making plans with you first…but she doesn’t have to. If you’re around then fine, if you’re out… then she most likely will do something else. You hit the nail on the head - you don’t like her. That’s fine… you don’t need to like everyone… even if she hasn’t done anything to make you dislike her ( being a bit loud isn’t really a valid reason) She most likely knows you allow your parents to spend time with their grand son & she wants to have that same time with her grand son. The fact she stays out of town means she needs to make more of an effort & she’s doing that… not to spite you but to be close and form a relationship with your son.
If you continue to resent her, things could get ugly.
You have a woman reaching out to support you, to bond with her grand son & it sounds like you resent that. There are many families who have people in their lives they wished cared and supported them more… you’re incredibly lucky to have her… if you’d only allow yourself to see that.
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u/Free_Owl_7189 13h ago
What part of ‘loud, impolite and overbearing’ did you miss? Sounds very much that MIL is ‘encroaching’ as you put it. I don’t like spending time with loud, impolite and overbearing people, and I sure wouldn’t want such a person to be alone with my helpless infant.
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u/SoSayWeAllx 14h ago
I agree with the sentiment but not the overall message here. It’s very, “you’re lucky to have food there are starving kids in Africa,”. We don’t know what OP’s experiences are with her mil that have made her not want to be around her.
HOWEVER, I do agree that for all intents and purposes, your mil is not a huge problem OP. She can come and visit, without telling you the dates. If you’re available, great. If you aren’t, or simply don’t feel like entertaining her, then don’t. Your husband can also take baby to see her without you if you’d like.
It’s fine if she visits, it’s also fine if you don’t take up her prompting to go away for days or have an overnight visit. Your husband needs to get on board in that respect. My own in laws would love to have my 3 year old and my 5 month old overnight for an entire weekend.
But too long off bedtime and nap schedule makes my eldest mean and she has preschool so they get one overnight every two or three weeks.
They still see her beyond that, but I’m not sending my baby to have an overnight with them yet, because I don’t want to sleep without her under my roof. My mil still asks every week if the baby can stay too. That’s fine, she can ask. But we say not yet.
I don’t like my mil. She’s polite to me but we’ve had a rocky past to say the least. She’s still a good grandmother to my children, so even though I have my issues with her, I don’t bar her from my children.
There have been some horror stories on here, but you and I don’t have them. I think it would be helpful for you to breathe and take a step back sometimes.
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18h ago
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u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam 16h ago
Thank you for your submission! However, your comment has been removed. Rule 3 on our sidebar: Be kind, be respectful, be supportive. Remember the human, and try to put yourself in their shoes before commenting.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us via modmail. Thanks!
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u/botinlaw 20h ago
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
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