I’m a first time mom, my due date is in 8 days and MIL is stressing me out

We have previously told her we don’t want visitors at the hospital, and will not have any visitors at home until I’m ready. We told everyone to expect to wait a week, maybe two. Everyone except MIL have been very understanding, she has tried several times to change our minds about letting her visit in the hospital after delivery. A few weeks ago she was alone with FH and tried to change his mind. She told him we were “taking an important experience away from her as a grandma” by not letting her meet baby at the hospital, like she has a right to be there and I think she makes it sound like her grandma experience matters more than my experience and me being comfortable as a first time mom. She tried to convince him to let her meet baby at the hospital “just for a quick 5 minute visit”. I think it will be unfair to everyone else to let her come, and she’s honestly the last person I want to see when I’m vulnerable after giving birth. And it pisses me off and seems very disrespectful to me that she tries to convince FH to let her come after both I and FH previously told her no. Fortunately FH told her no.

She also told FH that it will break her heart if my mom gets to visit in the hospital and she doesn’t. We never told her my mom will come (which she will not, unless I need her support after delivery). FH told MIL that the plan is for no one to come, unless “OP needs her mom to be there for HER after delivery”. He explained to her that it wouldn’t be about meeting baby but would be about my mom supporting me while I’m vulnerable. MIL basically told him it would be unfair and cruel, and I shouldn’t be able to have my mom come unless we let her come meet baby as well… It’s like she only sees her own needs and wants to punish me for not letting her come. Like she sees the birth of our first child as a competition between her and my mom. And like she wants control of everything.

What happened today:

MIL visited us today and told us she has accepted that we don’t want visitors at the hospital etc. but she has a few demands for us.

1. We need to tell her as soon as I go into labor
2. We have to call/text her immediately after baby arrives and also tell her all his info (weight, etc.)
3. She expects us to send at least 4 pictures and a video of baby every single day until she meets him.

She told me she previously mentioned these demands to FH and he accepted them. I said out loud that no one told me any of this, and I’m not accepting any demands from anyone. FH looked confused and immediately said that he never agreed to anything and these demands were news to him. MIL kept saying that this is how it’s going to be or she will show up at the hospital. FH and I told her no and we’re informing the hospital staff that we don’t want anyone there, so it will be a waste of her time to attempt to visit us at the hospital. She said that no one can keep her away if she’s determined, that she knows her ways and will definitely come if we don’t follow her demands. That she will even go as far as to order a white coat and try to sneak past hospital staff.

I told her our plan is to announce baby’s arrival, but we’re not telling anyone when I go into labor as that will be too stressful for me. FH added that he won’t tell her anything and will put his phone on do not disturb. And I told her we plan to send a few pictures, but not a specific amount and it will be sent in a family group chat so everyone receives the same info and pictures so no one is left out. She got quiet after that and left soon after.

After she left I told FH I was worried, he told me she was clearly joking and won’t show up. Even if she’s joking, it makes me angry and worried after everything she’s previously done to boundary stomp. I was definitely being too nice to her today, and explaining myself too much, I’m trying to keep the peace for FH. It would hurt him a lot if a conflict happens at this point in time, when he’s so excited to show off our baby and share this new journey with his family, I’m just frustrated over her entitlement and selfishness, and I’m worried about how it will be when baby gets here. I expect things to get worse and I just feel so done with her.

I gave birth 7 months ago, and being postpartum has been a rollercoaster (exhaustion, hormones, healing, wedding planning, financial, etc). My fiancé and I just moved into a rental home a couple months ago to be closer to his job. I was so excited for a fresh start.

Then my mom said she was coming to visit for a few weeks to help out. Great. So, she booked an Airbnb conveniently on the same street or so I thought.

One week in, she casually mentions she’s thinking of extending. I say sure, as long as she’s okay with the cost. She laughs and says, “Oh, I’m not paying by the night. I signed a 12-month lease next door.”

EXCUSE ME?

She didn’t tell me. Didn’t ask. Just... moved a few doors down. To my house. With her initials on the mailbox and a whole storage truck of furniture.

I was stunned. She kept saying, “It’s just until you’re back on your feet.” But I AM on my feet. Tired, yes, but parenting. Healing. Functioning. It felt like she decided I couldn’t do this without her, even though I never asked for her help.

But it got worse.

It has become overwhelming and aggravating. She started showing up unannounced. Like 6am “just checking if the baby woke up” or 10pm “wanting cuddles” with her or put her to bed. She’s been inserting herself into everything: nap schedules, feeding choices, even arguing with my fiancé about how he holds the baby. One night she told him, “You’re not doing enough and when you hold her you act like the babysitter.”

Then she started calling my baby “our girl.”

“Our girl doesn’t like that brand of formula.” “Our girl gets fussy if we don’t follow the schedule.”

She says “we” a lot. As in, “We don’t like that toy,” or “We didn’t sleep well last night.” Like I’m the nanny.

It’s fucking exhausting. I confronted her gently and she got so defensive she cried. Said I was being cruel, that she moved here out of love, and that “any other mom would do the same”. Making me feel like the ungrateful adult child.

My fiancé wants to set a firm boundary or ask her to leave, but I feel guilty.. she is my mom. She’s never been this intense before. And a part of me wonders if she’s just lonely or projecting something she hasn’t dealt with.

But I also can’t live like this. I feel like I’m not allowed to be my baby’s mom without her shadow over me. Im a first time mom, I want to experience motherhood in its entirety.

I don’t know if I should confront her harder, let her stay and try to coexist, or ask her to leave and risk destroying our relationship.

Has anyone else ever dealt with a parent trying to strong arm co-parent your kid... uninvited?

EDIT: Wow, I didn’t expect this post to resonate with so many people so fast, thank you to everyone who shared their stories, advice, or just straight-up tough love. I needed it.

After reading the replies, especially the brutally honest ones, I realized I’ve been prioritizing not upsetting my mom over protecting my peace and my baby’s space. That breaks my heart. That ends now.

My fiancé and I are sitting down tonight to make a plan. Here’s what we’ve already decided:

We’re locking our doors at all times. She will no longer be allowed to just “drop in.” Texts/calls will only be responded to when it’s convenient for us, not immediately or emotionally. I’m going to tell her directly that while I appreciate her desire to be involved, she is not the co-parent, and if she keeps boundary-stomping, she won’t be involved at all. I’ll probably bring my fiancé into that convo for backup, because I know she’ll try to cry or guilt me again. But this time I’m going in calm, clear, and with zero wiggle room.

I’ll update again after the conversation if anyone’s interested.

Thank you all uh… seriously. Sometimes the internet is a wild place, but right now, it helped me take my power back.

*EDIT 2: It didn’t go bad… but it didn’t go good either.

We finally had the talk tonight. It took a while to build up the nerve, and honestly, I felt sick to my stomach leading up to it. My fiancé and I sat my mom down and gently explained how things have been feeling. How we’ve appreciated her presence and help in some ways, but how the drop-ins, the unsolicited advice, and the constant involvement have started to feel overwhelming and intrusive. We made it clear we need space to figure things out as a family and that we want to parent our child without feeling like we’re under supervision.

To her credit, she didn’t blow up.

She got quiet. Defensive, but not combative. She said things like, “I thought I was helping,” and “I didn’t realize I was making it worse.” She even said she felt like she was “fired from being a grandmother.” There was a definite coldness… like she was holding back a bigger reaction or deciding what to do with the information. She asked a few questions, mostly clarifying things like, “So you don’t want me to come over without asking?” (Answer: Yes, please text first.) And, “You don’t want me giving advice anymore?” (Answer: Only if we ask for it.)

There was a long pause, and then she said, “I knew this was his influence, he’s trying to take you away from me.” My fiancé stayed calm (bless him), but it was clear she’s been bottling resentment toward him for a while.

I told her plainly: “No, Mom. These are MY words. You’re not listening to me, you’re trying to turn me against the person who is actually supporting me. I need you to understand that if you keep crossing our boundaries, you’ll lose access to this experience entirely.”

There were a few tears, and she brought up sacrifices she made and how she thought she was doing the right thing. At one point she even asked, “Would you be doing this if I was HIS mother instead of yours?” That one stung, because she doesn’t see how we’ve both been drowning trying to manage her presence.

Although, surprisingly, and maybe this is a small win, she didn’t yell. She didn’t storm out. She sat there and actually listened, even if she didn’t like it.

We told her we want to be the ones raising our child, and that the help she offers needs to be on our terms. Specifically, no more unannounced visits. No more inserting herself into parenting decisions. We said we needed space (physically and emotionally) to breathe, learn, and grow as a little family.

She said she was hurt but will “try” to respect our wishes. Honestly, I don’t know if she fully gets it. The vibe when she left was... tense. She didn’t slam the door, but she didn’t hug me goodbye either. It kind of felt like a polite ending to an awkward dinner party.

So yeah, not the worst-case scenario, but not the breakthrough I was hoping for. We're giving her time to process, and we’re standing by the boundaries we set. I’m nervous about what the next few weeks look like, but I also feel a small (tiny?) sense of relief for finally speaking up.

Appreciate everyone’s support and encouragement. Truly. Your stories and advice gave me the courage to say something today. I’ll update again if anything major changes.

I know this situation is so minor compared to what others here are going through with Moms and MILs, but advice would be appreciated.

My mom is normally very much a JustYES kind of a person. She's supportive, kind, reliable, and importantly knows when to treat me like a daughter and when to treat me like a fellow adult who's capable of making her own decisions. So this is current situation is out of nowhere and very annoying for me, but my fiancé thinks it's hilarious.

A few months ago I started a healthier overhaul of my life. I make sure I get a good night's sleep every night, I'm exercising more, I'm eating so much better than before, I've given up coffee and energy drinks throughout the day. You know, adulting correctly.

A couple of months ago, my mother commented that my skin was "glowing." I just reminded her that I'm being a lot healthier and it's probably showing in my complexion.

Christmas came and at Christmas dinner she offered me a glass of wine. All she had on offer was sauvignon blanc and pinot gris because she only drinks white wine. I can't stand white wine and only drink red and my mom knows this. But because my skin is glowing and I turned down alcohol, I'm clearly pregnant, right?

The next day my mom called me and asked me if there's anything I need to tell her. I hadn't made the connection yet (because my skin does look better and I don't like white wine, big whoop) and insisted everything was fine.

On New Year's Eve my grandmother greeted me with her normal hug and then put her hand on my stomach and said, "Before the wedding?" and proceeds to frown (she's old school Catholic). A little later I asked my mother why my grandmother thinks I'm pregnant and my mom replied, "You don't have to keep it secret, you know. A mother knows." I told her I was not in fact pregnant and she gave me that "Sure, Jan..." look. We got into an argument and I left early. I was going to have a few sips of champagne at midnight and because hindsight is always 20/20, I wish I had stayed and done that to show her I am not knocked up.

Since then I've had a few people (aunts and cousins) text me cryptic messages like they know the secret (quotes about motherhood, how my fiancé will be an amazing father one day, that they hope my niece has a best friend soon, etc). I responded to each of them that they must have texted the wrong person since I'm not pregnant, but I hope whoever is is looking forward to their bundle of joy.

I'm just so annoyed because I'm not pregnant! I've told my mother I'm not pregnant. Can't I just use a nice moisturizer and not have shitty wine? And even if I were pregnant, it would be my news to share!

I'm seriously about to throw a Vodka & Sushi Party just to shut everyone up.

She hasn't given up, she's just trying new ways.

"You don't think you need to be supplementing?" - her

"No....?" - me

"shrugs I dunno. Seems like she's just always crying and unhappy because she's hungry." - her

"Nope..it's been going really well actually. She's gaining weight and everything. This is what I want to be doing." - me

"Well you can't just spend all day feeding her. You're going to HAVE to do other things. There are other motherly duties than feeding her. I mean I had a job, 3 other kids and I was cleaning and breastfeeding -her

".....okay?" - me

"You have to let other people feed her. Pretty soon she's going to only want to nurse at night and not be on you all day. You'll have to do bottles then."

.......I stopped entertaining her until she finally left. She isn't giving up and swears my baby cries bc she's starving all the time. She texted me and said "nobody wants a crying baby" and that I need to supplement bc she's probably starving.

We unfortunately live with this woman temporarily. I cannot be here much longer.

TW: drug use and child neglect/abuse

Hi! Please don't share this anywhere. I am aware that this is a husband problem but is it also a MIL problem, and I just need to scream into the void for a moment. Throwaway account. A few details have been kept purposefully vague but the point remains the same.

Last bit of prefacing, I swear - I do not like my jnmil. She is cruel, selfish, a bad parent, a horrific pet owner, was a terrible wife to her late husband, and will never be trusted with more responsibility than brushing her teeth while she is in my home. I put up with her because my husband believes that someday she will magically become the mom he always wanted. He's unpacking that in therapy.

My DH and I (early to mid 30s) have been together for 6 years, and his family is "a lot" to say the least. Not least of all the matriarch, Jnmil (early 60s). She neglected her children for men, drugs, and alcohol during their formative years to the point where her oldest (SIL) moved out of the house as a young teenager and never went back. To this day, SIL (early 40s) has not stepped foot back into her childhood home. As all her children grew to adulthood (no thanks to jnmil), she's now decided that she can be the "fun mom/fun mimi" and her children are so desperate for a crumb of attention that they bend over backwards to accommodate her. DH is the baby of his siblings (SIL and BIL), and he witnessed most of the neglect first hand. I'm talking about collecting pets as a hobby leading to a shit and urine crusted carpet, piles of hoarding materials noticeable from across the street, overdoses of both her and whatever guy she was banging for heroin, opening lines of credit in her children's names when they were small to fund her stupid habits, the works. Somehow she is the true victim in all of this, which doesn't surprise me one bit.

Thankfully I have a nice, shiny spine and am able to advocate for myself (and DH when he's overwhelmed), but Jnmil thinks it's a sport to see how much she can get away with. From me? Jack shit. From DH? Well, more than he should. Especially when I am not around.

As such: Jnmil is staying with us for a week and has found a way to circumvent my one rule that I will never compromise for anyone - no overnight visitors for more than 7 days without a break. I'm happy to play the dutiful host for 7 days and nights, but then I need 7 days and nights to recharge, reclaim my home, and reconnect with DH as a couple. I do not think this is unreasonable, and I have had this rule for years due to her staying with us for once for over a month with no. prior. warning. She is currently on day 5 of her 7 day overnight visit, and I will be gone all next week for a work trip. This work trip is a big responsibility and I have been feeling the stress of getting myself, my projects, and all my things ready for this trip. Jnmil knows that I will be gone next week, and asked me if she could stay a second consecutive week. I told her that I am not comfortable with her being in my home while I am gone, and that she should coordinate with her other children what her plans are for next week.

Well, after I went to bed (early nights for me this week as I am burning the candle at both ends with work) she cornered DH with tears in her eyes and the same stupid sob story about how she "regrets that we aren't closer", that she's his mom, that she might die soon, and won't it be better for her to hurry up and off herself since no one wants her around anymore. DH caved, and she's staying at the house FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS because I will be gone for one week, and so I still "get the time you need without her" according to DH.

I am LIVID. I do not even want to go home after work today. She manufactures all this drama and strife, and then cries like a little bitch when someone points out her role in said destruction. Then she's the perfect little victim, and I'm the nasty DIL who "doesn't understand addiction/trauma/family bonds/whatever buzzword she heard on tiktok this week." Ya'll, I promise you that I understand these issues intimately.

Rant over, thanks for listening <3

Crossposted in another subreddit.

My MIL doesn’t like me at all. She’s one of the typical moms who doesn’t want her son to be stolen away by another woman, so my existence alone is enough for her to resent me. It doesn’t help that I don’t practice her religion and that we don’t plan on baptizing our children. This is a mutual decision between my husband and I. For a little extra context, she sends me bible verses and quotes about being subservient to your husband on a regular basis to get under my skin. After telling her very nicely and calmly to stop once, she had a full blown meltdown/tantrum about how I won’t let her save me, so I just ignore her messages now.

My daughter (4) loves Christmas. She loves decorating the house and helping bake the cookies and she gets to pick the tree out this year. She’s so excited it’s literally so adorable, she’s been talking about it since July.

She also is a very firm believer in Santa. She already has a mile long list of things she wants him to get her. Side note: she isn’t spoiled at all, some of the things on her list are random items she sees at the grocery store or things on our shelves. Our dog that we’ve had for six years is on her list. She just likes writing them (AKA making me write them)

My MIL was over today and my daughter was asking me to add another random item to her Santa list. As my MIL heard her say it, she immediately responds to her saying that Santa isn’t real, and that me and my husband are who buys the gifts under the tree. This obviously went over like a lead balloon with my child, but my MIL looked pretty happy with herself for the shit storm she just created for me and for breaking my daughters heart.

I immediately told her to pack her shit and to get the fuck out of my house and that she wasn’t welcome near my baby anymore. She tried to respond that she did us a favor and that our child shouldn’t be thanking a man who doesn’t exist for the nice things we do for her, so I responded that it was a rich statement coming from someone who has spent their entire life praying to a man who ALSO doesn’t exist. I also told her I was very sorry she let the devil breed hate in her heart, then I slammed the door in her face.

Husband is completely on my side and is completely shattered that his mom ruined something so special for our daughter, but we’ve received a few texts and calls from his siblings who think I was out of line and that I should be apologizing to her. I’m still so angry that I can’t really judge for myself if I’m in the wrong or not, but so really don’t think that I am. I think she crossed an uncrossable line and that I’m justified in not letting her have a future relationship with my daughter or any other children we might have later.

Not looking for advice, just to talk shit and vent.

Due to reasons, my MIL had to move in with my husband and I for a while. I'm South Asian, my husband is white.

Indian food is what I was raised eating and I love it to this day. Due to stay at home orders I suddenly have a lot more time to cook than I did before. I stocked my kitchen with rice, different spices and whatever else I would need to make what I wanted.

My husband doesn't mind and enjoys the food. My MIL on the other hand, does not. She's never liked me. Some stuff she says include "what kind of people use their hands to eat? Just use a knife and spoon like normal people". My husband has stuck up for me on all those occasions before, but having to live with her 24/7 is wearing him down.

After she moved in, she immediately started complaining. "Why does that smell so strong? It'll cling to the walls. Stop that." or "God, are you really feeding my son that crap? Just eat normal American food."

I know quarantine is taking its toll on everyone, so I decided to stay quiet. My husband did try to talk to her once, but that fell on deaf ears. Like always.

I woke up yesterday morning, go downstairs. Chat with husband and MIL for a while. Go into the kitchen, open my pantry, and there. is. nothing. My rice, spices, flour everything has been cleaned out. I had a rice dispensing machine that I got a few years back and that was missing too.

I go to the fridge, and besides milk, bread, butter, jam and eggs there was nothing. I get my husband and ask him what happened to the food. He looks in confusion until MIL pipes up and says that she threw everything out. When asked why, she simply says "My child isn't used to eating your types of food. Just make him what Americans eat" And heck did that piss me off. She has this insane thing about not acknowledging that I am American, or when she does she tells people that I got my citizenship through marriage.

Wrong on all accounts. I was born here and so were the last 4 generations of my family. I go grocery shopping and they were out of stock on basically everything. I come home and she still has the audacity to ask why I'm not cooking like I usually do.

EDIT: He did tell her that what she did was unacceptable and horrible. but we haven't threatened her with eviction just yet. I'm thinking of reaching out to my SIL to see if she'd take her in. My MIL's problem with moving to SIL's is that she'd be far from her friends. I don't even care anymore. We're in the middle of a pandemic, she shouldn't even be seeing her friends.

My MIL yells "English only" when I speak my native language to my son.

My MIL gave us dirty looks and sounded annoyed when we asked her if she has a toddler mattress for our son to sleep on when we visit, since the pack and play will now be for our daughter.

My MIL gives me dirty looks when she says we are all going out to a restaurant and proceeds to order appetizers for everybody, and I order an appetizer for myself on top of her order, and a side of sweet potato or hummus for my baby girl.

My MIL yelled at my son for playing with water drops on her dining table and having a blast and laughing with his uncle, and took the cup of water away, leaving him sad and confused.

My MIL complained to my husband that I don't clean up enough after meals in her house bc I am busy breastfeeding our daughter and changing her diaper.

My MIL told my husband last summer when I was 7 months pregnant, working full-time, and having our son with me while I work that I am not taking care of him (to which he replied, I can take care of myself, I'm the one who should be taking care of her, to which she rolled her eyes).

My MIL refused to turn down her thermostat from 78° last spring while I was pregnant and sweaty and couldn't sleep on her couch.

My MIL wanted to order pastrami sandwiches for takeout while we were there, and my husband asked if I could have soup instead (I was pregnant, but nobody knew, so we didn't want me to have deli sandwiches), and she rolled her eyes and gave him a dirty look. Several months later, we explained that that's why I wanted to swap out my order, and she yelled, "well if you had just told me that!" Shouldn't have my request been enough? Why was I obligated to tell you of my pregnancy to justify my food order?

My MIL wanted to order Chinese takeout on another one of our visits. I'd forgotten to write my order on the paper so I asked if we could call and add my orange chicken to the order, so my FIL did. Later when we were cleaning, MIl said "it was too much food we shouldn't have ordered the orange chicken."

And my MIL wonders why we don't want to visit them anymore (and of course vilifies me for "influencing" her son to not go there anymore and for "keeping" my children from her instead of actually wondering what she can do on her end to improve).

Yesterday I posted about my husband’s aunt (his mom’s sister) sending me an unsolicited message full of advice that felt more like judgment. This is a follow up, because things escalated.

For context: My husband and I live with his mom. We have three kids, and my mom stays with us to after I gave birth to our third child (about two months ago) One of my children is in school, and my mom helps bring her to and from. We do our part at home, clean up after ourselves, and make sure not to leave any mess behind.

Here’s the full message my husband’s aunt sent me out of nowhere:

“Effective time management is crucial, allowing you to cater to your children’s needs, prepare nutritious meals, and spend quality time with your children. Being part of a wonderful family, prioritize time management. Additionally, maintain cleanliness and order in your room and CR, and avoid relying too heavily on your own mom. You’re capable, and with three kids and your husband as the sole breadwinner, it’s essential to be thankful for your mother in laws help and support. This is just GIRLS talk.”

For reference, this isn’t the first time she’s done this. About a month ago, I posted a 10-second video about sneakers, and she commented:

“Oh, it’s nice that you cleaned the room.” as if I don’t usually clean.

I ignored both comments. Then today, she sent a follow up message:

“So, what do you say, girl? You don’t have any reaction?”

Yep! she called me “girl.” It felt belittling and confrontational. So I showed it to my husband right away.

He tried to talk to his mom calmly about how these comments were making me feel but the conversation turned into an argument. His mom doubled down and said: -We don’t clean enough. -It’s not enough unless it’s “general cleaning.” -She basically wants my mom (who’s only staying to help with the kids) to do more like a full-time maid. -She even said we “weren’t ready to have a family” just because our room isn’t always perfectly clean.

And then she said:

“If you don’t like my standards, you can leave.”

On top of that, heres another thing that broke me;

Just last week, I found out that one of the refrigerators where I store my breastmilk was turned off by my MIL - without informing me. She never told me. I only found out after I opened it and realized the milk had gone bad.

That was devastating. Anyone who’s breastfed knows how painful and exhausting it is to pump especially with a newborn and while recovering from birth. That milk was for my baby, and she just… turned it off, like it didn’t matter.

So after the talk she had with my husband we decided to finally move out. I’ll be staying at my mom’s place for the meantime with the kids. Her house is across the city, but she’ll help with my daughter’s school. My husband will stay with his mom for now, since his workplace and our small business are nearby. We’re currently saving for a home, but planning to rent first just to have a place that’s fully ours.

Between the messages, the breastmilk incident, the judgment, and being made to feel like a burden in someone else’s house, I just feel emotionally worn down. It’s not like I don’t try. I’m doing my best as a mom of three. I clean, I care for the kids, I try to stay respectful but it feels like it’s never enough for them.

Did we make the right call? Is creating space while we work toward independence a healthy step, or does it seem like we’re avoiding the problem?

Thanks for reading. Appreciate any advice or thoughts.

Hey everyone. I have had a really rough week.

I’ll preface my post and say my MIL is generally not horrible or toxic like I hear so many stories of, however she is a bit stubborn and clueless and now I’m dealing with the consequences.

My MIL is staying with us because her and my FIL are separated. It’s been fine overall. She has the basement to herself and most of the time I hardly notice she’s there. My one complaint though, has been her dog. My husband and I have asked her to keep the baby gate up at the bottom of the basement stairs because her dog is pretty out of control, runs around, gets into things he shouldn’t and scares our cat. We have to constantly remind her of this because she views it as optional, but it’s the ONE thing we asked her to make sure to do.

Well, last week I was walking down the stairs and her dog comes up behind me, gets caught between my legs, tripped me and I fell down 4 or 5 stairs. I’m pretty sure I went into shock. I immediately was in so much pain and was sure I broke both of my ankles. I couldn’t put any weight on either. As my husband is trying to help me up into an office chair and wheel me out of the house to the car so we can go to the ER, and MIL gets up in the situation and is stressing me out. I snapped at her and told her this was all her fault for not listening to the ONE boundary/rule we had.

X-rays and MRI showed I had broken my left ankle and badly sprained my right. I’m now in a lovely cast on one leg and the other is in a boot. I’ve had to use a wheelchair because I still cant walk on either foot and it will be awhile until I can. I have to take FMLA because there is no way I can teach right now until the sprained ankle heals at the very least. I have had to sleep on the main level because I can’t get upstairs. I have to rely on my husband to help with the most basic things.

MIL has mostly kept the dog in the basement now and will make passive aggressive comments about it. At this point I honestly just want MIL out of my house. My whole life is now disrupted and I’m in so much pain. I can’t sleep because of the pain. I’m so angry this happened. It was so avoidable and not a huge thing to ask her to do. I’m nervous about bringing it up with my husband, although I think he will support me no matter what. Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated!

TL;DR: MIL is staying with us. She ignored my request to keep her dog in the basement with her. Dog got between my legs and I broke one ankle and badly sprained the other. She continues to make passive aggressive comments about me wanting her dog in the basement. I’m so mad about my injuries and just want my MIL out of my house now.

I’m pregnant and just passed my due date (40+3). In my last post I mentioned MIL making demands about labor and the baby, threatening us to show up at the hospital (we told everyone no visitors at the hospital) if we didn’t follow her demands. Her demands were:

1. Inform MIL as soon as I go into labor
2. Inform MIL right after baby is born with all baby’s info (weight, exact time he was born etc.)
3. Send her at least 4 pictures and a video every single day until she meets the baby.

We told her no to all her demands and told her we will have her removed if she shows up at the hospital. (We’re informing the staff we want no visitors). But also told her we will inform her about baby’s arrival a few hours after he’s born and send everyone a picture of him in the group chat (of course with a message to not post his picture anywhere). I also explained to her that I don’t feel comfortable telling anyone when labor starts, as it will stress me out. So that is a NO.

After she left I panicked and future husband told me she was just joking and would never actually show up, and it seems like she listened and accepted our NO to her demands. I told him I doubt she was joking, and I don’t believe she will respect our no to her demands and will try to push through.

I ignored MIL’s messages (it was just memes and unfunny videos) after that day, and muted her.

Yesterday I found out she has been texting future husband, asking him if my bump has “dropped” yet, asking about my midwife appointment etc. Telling him labor hopefully starts very soon if the midwife “messed a bit around” with me doing my appointment (Eww???!). Future husband told her my appointment went well and didn’t respond to the rest.

On my due date she texted future husband “Has labor started? Remember to text me as soon as labor starts”. Future husband ignored her message.

Yesterday she texted him again “remember to tell me as soon as labor starts. Even if it happens at night, don’t wait until daytime to tell me”

I’m furious. I clearly told her NO (with future husband present) and now she’s texting him, completely ignoring that and trying to make it sound like we agreed to inform her. I feel extremely disrespected, and like she’s being extremely selfish and manipulative. It would ruin my trust to future husband if he told her, and stress me out during labor, but she clearly doesn’t care about that as long as she can get things her way. I’m at this point also 99% sure she wants to know when labor starts so she can show up to the hospital and try to manipulate future husband into letting her meet the baby.

I yelled to future husband that she’s being extremely disrespectful to me, that her demands were clearly not a joke since she’s now texting him like he has to tell her, that I’ve had enough and I doubt I will go into labor naturally when I’m constantly stressed and worried because of her. I worry the constant stress is harming the baby.

I worry I will end up having to be induced in approximately 10 days and she will guess I’ve gone into labor because so many days have gone by since my due date (where I live you’ll get induced 12-14 days after the due date if labor hasn’t started).

I told him if I ever get pregnant again, we’re lying about my due date, because this is hell and I feel like she is making me spiral into a depression. He told her the due date this pregnancy because he trusted her to not go crazy, but look what happened now… he agreed to not do this the next time.

I demanded future husband to remove his location on Snapchat etc. which he immediately did (he has previously told me she’s not crazy enough to check his location, which I know she is because she has done this previously in other situations). I also told him he needs to make her stop asking when I go into labor, because if she asks just one more time I’m going no contact and she’s not meeting the baby at all. He texted her and just told her “we’re not telling you when labor starts, we’re telling you when baby gets here.” To which she responded “ok, but call me when he gets here”. So I think she realized she’s not getting what she wants. I’m still furious though.

Yesterday she sent me a picture (probably something she found on Facebook) with the text “To my dear daughter in law. I didn’t give you the gift of life. I gave you my amazing son. Thank you for not selling him to the circus. I know how tempting that option is some days. Love your mother in law.” What are your thoughts on this? I feel like it’s manipulative but I can’t pinpoint exactly how. Maybe love bombing? It just feels strange.

I’m so frustrated and I wish I could just block her and never see her again, but I don’t feel like that’s a good option right now as it will cause a lot of drama and conflict, which is the last thing I want or need right now or during our baby’s first weeks of life.

I posted about her saying this to me a few months ago. So here’s a little update on her shenanigans.

My MIL is super sick with a respiratory infection so we are obviously avoiding her. My breast pump broke so I got a replacement shipped to me but it went to her house because that’s where my original pump was mailed to because my baby was in the NICU and I needed it to be brought to the hospital. I went to pick up my pump that I made sure was not touched by her and just left on her front porch. She immediately ran outside and started walking towards the car to see my baby. I told her not to. Multiple times. She ignored me and opened the freaking car door and started, very closely, talking to my baby. I’m so over this. She clearly is incompetent.

ETA: i didn’t lock the doors because i was just walking to the porch and back to the car. she walked out while i was in the process of putting the pump in the car. it happened in seconds. she sped walk to the other side of the car and said “IM JUST GOING TO PEAK THROUGH THE WINDOW” and then proceeded to open the door when she saw he had his car seat sunlight cover thingy on. i swear if i had any idea she would’ve done this those doors would’ve been locked.

I was at the pharmacy down the road from her house when i got the text from usps that the package was delivered. i called her and told her not to touch the package because she’s sick and she said “well someone’s going to steal it so im going to move it”. i told her NOT to touch it and i’ll be right there. We have been avoiding her for the past week because she is sick so she knows she needs to stay away from us. I was trying to be quick because the baby was crying so i hopped out the car, grabbed the package, and headed back to car. within a second she was out the door and speed walking to the car while i was still putting it in the back seat and i kept telling her “stay away, youre sick”. I, wrongly, assumed she knew to stay the hell away from us because we already had that convo a bunch of times this week. If I had any idea she was going to come outside, the car would’ve been locked. i wouldn’t have even gone there.

Trigger Warning - Animal Cruelty (I consider it to be)

My husband and I, we have an 8 weeks old Doberman puppy. We had to leave the city for a week and we asked MIL if she can care for our puppy while we're gone and she agreed. She likes dogs so we left, thinking our dog is in good hands.

Yesterday we came home and were shocked to find our puppy with his ears taped. MIL had taken him to the vet and had this done, without saying anything to us. And she presented it as a surprise to us, expecting us to be happy. First I almost passed out and then I was ready to strangle her. Who does something like that to a dog that’s not your dog, without asking the owners what do they think about these kinds of things?

And MIL didn’t understand why are we so upset and angry. She was like ”What? You were going to crop his ears anyway!”

No, we weren’t! If she called us and asked, we would have told her straight out NO. We’re 100% against cropping dogs’ ears, tails, etc. for aesthetics. If there are medical reasons behind doing that – fine. But if you only do it so that the dog would meet your beauty standards – you’re so cruel and disgusting. I’ve said it and I mean it.

I was so mad and my husband was even angrier. Like, who the hell does she think she is? She was asked to dogsit and that’s it. Who gave her permission to mutilate our dog? Who does shit like that behind owners’ backs?

So when she saw we’re not appreciating her ”efforts” at all, she offended. She whined about the money she spent. Well, nobody asked her to do it and now she’s crying about her own stupidity. MIL was like ”A Doberman without cropped ears and tail is nothing but an overgrown Dachshund. He won’t win any prizes in dog shows with floppy ears and that silly long tail.”

We weren’t going to participate in dogs shows. We don’t need a superstar, we want a sweet and loving family dog. We would have never in a million years changed his appearance in any way, shape or form. He was perfect for us just the way he was.

Originally we were going to pay her for dogsitting but after this, she’s not getting a single cent and she’s never staying alone with our dog again. If we need a dog sitter again we’ll ask our friends, anyone but MIL.

We’re going to see our family vet tomorrow to see what we can do about this. Also because MIL’s not saying where did she got it done, hopefully, it wasn’t a run-down market hut that just positioned themselves to be a clinic. I do have some questions for Doberman owners here – is it possible to reverse it? It’s been 4 days since she did it. If we took the tapes off, would his ears return to their natural state? Or is the damage already done and it’s better to let them grow upright? Please share if you have some experience.

If he’s going to have upright ears – well, there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s just so upsetting that someone made that choice for us, something that we would have never allowed to be done.

Backstory: My "mum" had me (20f) when she was 15, and said she wasn't ready for a baby. She left and my dad who was 16 at the time raised me by himself.

She contacted me a year ago, after she gave birth to my half brother. She gave a long speech about how "she feels like a mother since she gave birth to her son and how she just didn't feel the connection with me back then and she's ready to be my mom again". Lady, no. You disappear for 19 years and expect to be my "mom"?. Fuck no.

But my dad wanted me to give her a chance since she was "young and stupid" when she left and "he didn't want me to regret it later". I decided to play nice since he asked me (and I hate it when he's disappointed in me). It doesn't really go anywhere. She just wants to talk about her life, her husband and her newborn. She doesn't really ask me about mine so it gets awkward really fast.

So forward to my dad's birthday. I make an appreciation post for my dad and post tons of cute pictures of him and I. She likes the post, but commented "hahaha he should've had to push you out too. He got the nice parts".

I don't want to stir things up, so I just let the comment be. Then in February, it's her birthday. I didn't post anything. I sent her a happy birthday message over WhatsApp.

The next day, she asks me why I didn't make her a post like I did for my dad. Again, I didn't want to upset her so I just said I was busy or something. She drops it. We keep talking about "normal" things like (omg what did that politician do) or the rising rent prices in my country for the next few months. But now she suddenly starts asking me why I call her by her name and not "mom" since we've known each other long enough to get comfortable.

I honestly tell her I don't feel comfortable calling her mom. She gets really upset. "So the past year of effort I put in means nothing to you?" She continues on about how she's so hurt that my dad got a post on his birthday and she simply got a message and she "thought we were closer than that".

I simply hang up on her. I'm really angry right now. A year of "effort" and you want me address you as mother? You've missed the first 19!. I have no memories of you, no pictures with you - YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER. As far as I'm concerned, I only have one parent and you're NOT it.

Yesterday, DH and I had it out. I could tell he had been talking (yelled at) by Momma Suuuurley by the way he was acting when he got home (kinda stand-off-ish and talking a lot of he missed his faaaamily). Well, I told him if he missed them so much, he could always go see them. I have never, in the history of ever, kept him away from his family.

Then, he started up. I was looking directly at my husband, his soft brown hair....his thick beard.....looking directly at my husband of 10 freaking years and hearing his mother’s voice spew from his mouth.

“Why do you hate my mom so much? What has she ever done for you to be so mean to her?”

So, we fought. Most things I haven’t put here, but let’s just say she has a long, storied history of boundary stomping, being overly overbearing, excessively “checking in,” being controlling and being demanding. Towards the end of our angry whispering match (we don’t yell, especially when the kids are in the house), he let another one of his “well, mom says....” comments slip.

Apparently, she called him and cried how she was still sooooo disappointed we didn’t see her on Christmas. He offered this weekend, she cried harder and said it wasn’t the same. Christmas was a day for faaaaamily and “you let Apples take that away from us.”

Because I don’t have a family, but go awf Momma Suuuurley.

They did come to an agreement (without me, of course) though. I was informed that we would be visiting Saturday (ok, whatever...let’s drag the kids out when she could always come this way, but ok) AND we would “make up” for Christmas on fucking Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.

She’s trying to get me riled up with this level of petty. I’ve never seen her on freakin Valentine’s Day. Is that even considered a real holiday after the age of 22?

So, here I sit, pissed awf the next morning because DH won’t even negotiate her request of Mother’s Day with me. I have a mom. My children have a mother. She has a long history of making Mother’s Day alllllll about her and I have had at least 5 years free from that holiday with her (DH goes alone). Now, she wants all of us, all day.

If you’re wondering why holidays are so important to her, it’s because holidays produce holiday pictures she can show off to all her grandmother friends and pretend to be grandma of the year....even though she rarely sees our kids. Especially the oldest, but she’s being extra lately because of the baby. Like, after oldest LO hit kindergarten, she was legit satisfied seeing him for photo ops on major holidays alone. Never attended a basketball game or school play. Would give birthday presents at Christmas (alongside his Christmas presents). As a matter of fact, she drove 2 hours to attend his kindergarten graduation with all intentions of going to lunch after the ceremony...until she learned that my mom was also going to lunch...and then she immediately canceled and went back home. She just wants control and to see the baby. I legit feel bad for oldest LO.

So, I guess we go to war. Tomorrow will be awkward to say the least.

Edit: some of this advice was hard to take, but I accept it....all of it. DH is being an ass. I let him step all over me (even though it was his mother’s words, I gave him space to wield them) and by me giving in, I’m letting her win. She’s punishing me.

So, I called my husband and let him know four things:

1. It is his job to find us a licensed counselor and set an appointment. He has until next Friday. He has to do this since I’m legit at the end of my rope and the boundaries with his mother are his problem that’s negatively affecting our family.
2. I’m not leaving this house to go to her house until she comes to our house. Period.
3. She will apologize to oldest LO for missing his birthday.
4. I’m not leaving this goddamn house until she comes here to visit first. It warranted repeating.

I told him he could either back me up, or he can go live with her and they could spend every holiday together, starting with MLK day. He didn’t say much (probably cause he was around his coworkers), but after we hung up, he texted me “I’m sorry.”

I’m tired, but I gotta keep going. You all are right. And more so, this is his problem, but I have to quit enabling him by backing down like I used to.

What he doesn’t know is that if she ever decides to visit, my mother will be here when she does.

Oh....I told him that I wanted to tell her myself that we would not be visiting tomorrow. I’m going to enjoy this more than I probably should.

*all names have been changed or removed in this post to protect privacy

Me and my fiance are getting married in September 2022.

I have one sister, and my fiance has one brother and two sisters. I have asked my sister to be my maid of honour and a few close friends to be my bridesmaids, and my fiance has asked his best friend to be his best man, and his brother and a few close friends to be his groomsmen.

We both felt we shouldn't feel we have to ask anybody we didn't feel comfortable asking and chose not to interfere with each others choices out of respect for one another. I get on well with my fiances younger sister (SIL2), however I struggle with his older sister (SIL1) sometimes and I am not close to either of them as I live 3.5hrs away. So I decided to just ask my own sister and close friends instead, which I thought was perfectly understandable.

Both my fiance and I still wanted to include his sisters in the day, so we decided that we would like SIL1 to be a witness and SIL2 to do a reading during the ceremony. We also wanted to ask my sister's partner of 6 years to also be a witness, so there's one witness from each 'side'.

So I attended SIL2's hen do back in March, and shared a lodge in Center Parcs with his mum and SIL1 for the weekend. I hadn't asked my bridesmaids by this point, and was taken aback when my future MIL and SIL1 began very clearly putting pressure on me to ask both of my fiance's sisters to be my bridesmaids. The conversation went something like this:

\both future MIL and SIL2 were discussing future BIL's ex-wife*SIL: It all went downhill with her after the bridesmaid incident.MIL: She didn't ask SIL1 or SIL2 to be bridesmaids, which I wasn't happy about. She then asked them to be ushers and I said no, and I was upset because looking back at the video it's all her family and not ours. SIL: yeah that's why I asked only family on both sides to be my bridesmaids and not my friends.*me sat there awkwardly knowing full well I have no intention of asking either of his sisters to be bridesmaids, attempting to change the conversation.**

So I left this weekend feeling pretty stressed about telling them they weren't going to be bridesmaids, and spoke to my fiance about the conversation that took place and how uncomfortable I felt. He agreed that it was a good idea to tell his family about our decisions for both bridesmaids and groomsmen, and he said he was happy to do this himself.

So back in April he called both his sisters, and they were fine with it. They in fact said they didn't expect to be asked, and said they're happy with the role they've been asked to fulfil. It went smoothly at first, no dramas.

My fiance then decided to FaceTime his parents to let them know as well. So when he tells his mum about my bridesmaid choices and that I won't be asking either of his sisters, his mum goes crazy - she rushes off into the background of the screen and can be heard screaming, shouting and crying. Apparently the call lasted around 45 mins.

Later that evening, I get a WhatsApp notification for a group which contains me, my fiance, his mum, his siblings and their partners, which I will copy and paste below:

To my dearest family,Today I have had the news that I have been dreading, Not that my father has passed away although I’m not sure I could have been any more upset as I thought this would never happen to me & my family again because as usual I had more faith in my family members but sadly I was proved wrong. GROOM & BRIDE have decided as you know not to include GROOMS OLDER SISTER & GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER as a bridesmaid at their wedding as is BRIDES SISTER*. Why i ask myself as they are all sisters & surely deserve to be treated the same! Could it be that* GROOMS OLDER SISTER*?* GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER*? or maybe both don’t fit the model criteria surely Not! one couldn’t be this vain & put beauty & a perfect figure before a family member could they? To say I am disappointed is an understatement as I may not have achieved a degree in my life but I do have life experience & I know for a fact that friends come & go but family is forever, Not that there is a limit of how many bridesmaids one can have at a wedding! Yes* GROOMS OLDER SISTER has been given a role the same as BRIDES SISTERS PARTNER who isn’t even an in law yet & GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER a poem to read! History is repeating its self sadly not worthy of having the same role as the brides sister! GROOM you should know me by now & know that I will not have my children treated second best to anyone else’s. It’s up to GROOMS OLDER SISTER & GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER if they want to except these inferior roles but I know what I would do! Just as well GROOM that you only have one mum or I guess I would have been substituted too!

I was totally gobsmacked after receiving this and left the WhatsApp ground immediately and deleted my MIL on Facebook at my fiances request, so she was less likely to contact me directly and so that I wouldn't see any potential status updates which may have provoked me to respond to her. She has my mobile number, but I haven't received anything directly from her. Since then, I have had zero contact with my future MIL.

Initially, I did get a message from SIL2 after all of this happened, offering support and saying she was ashamed of her mothers behaviour. I thought after a week or so MIL would look back and be embarrassed by her behaviour and we might get an apology from her - nope!

A few weeks later, MIL sent me a very bland birthday card (usually her language is very warm and OTT) with a cheque inside - I don't see this as an apology, and chose not to acknowledge or accept the cheque. My MIL asked my fiance if I'd received the card and the cheque - he told her firmly that yes I had and that I would not be accepting it, that 'it does not make up for the way she spoke to us'. A sincere apology would have been much better.

This caused uproar. She has said she stands by everything she said, that 'nothing she would have done would be right', that she will always stick up for her daughters, and has accused my fiance of 'losing his family values', and that fiance and I have to 'face the consequences of our actions.'

My fiance has been great in sticking up for me and us both throughout this whole ordeal, but the barrage of emotional abuse from his family continues...

My future FIL who is usually level-headed sent a long text to my fiance which said: the protagonist remains silent whilst she continues to speak through her mouthpiece - you, GROOM*!* Referring to me.

He said that me declining the cheque was 'abhorrent'. He asked my fiance, 'How do you think it makes your sisters feel, both of their brothers getting married and not being a bridesmaids on either occasion?!' and that they will 'hold a grudge for years to come' because of it. He asked my fiance, 'How would [my parents] feel if I had asked SIL1 and SIL2 to be bridesmaids and not [my] sister?' (which isn't really the same thing...)

His sisters have also now started saying they're hurt by the decision, which is a bit of a backtrack on how they originally reacted. SIL2 actually said her fiance wouldn't have let her ask her own sister and not his sister to be a bridesmaid at their wedding. Thankfully my FDH isn't like that...

They also feel their partners have been overlooked (one is engaged, one is married with kids) and that it's not fair to include my sisters partner and not theirs. Clearly this is simply a matter of there simply being too many people for all of the roles if we also want to include our close friends (which we very much do), and also not wanting a huge bridal party. People aren't entitled to whatever role they want, surely that's our choice?

My fiance and I won't be changing our minds on our decision, but if anybody has experienced a similar situation and has any advice for dealing with a crazy, controlling, overbearing MIL then please, PLEASE share!

UPDATE: I wanted to add (I forgot) that according to FDH and SIL2, MIL didn't even ask her own sister to be her bridesmaid back in the day when she married FIL! OH THE HYPOCRISY!

I think I’m not overreacting about this one. So my husband and I, we took our 4-year-old son to MIL’s house. She lives in the countryside with a forest behind her house and he was going to spend the day with his grandmother while we’re doing job-related things in the city.

In the evening we come to pick our son up and everything seemed fine. I noticed that he’s a bit slow and apathetic but we thought that he’s just tired from playing all day long. We come home and as I’m undressing him, taking off his shoes and jacket, he winces when I pull the sleeve on one of his arms. When the jacket comes off, I see that his arm is visibly red and swollen. He said it hurt and didn’t want no one to touch his arm and when I asked what happened to him, he said ”snake”.

My husband and I, we’re both in shock. My husband grabs his phone and calls MIL and he’s like ”Our son was totally fine when we brought him to you. What happened to his arm and why is he saying that a snake did it?”

MIL said ”Oh yes, he was bitten by a snake when were taking a walk in the forest. But don’t worry, it was just a grass snake, it’s not venomous.”

She sends us a picture of the snake that she took right after it happened. It was some gray snake and my husband asked MIL why didn’t she call us immediately and why didn’t she say anything when we came to pick him up. She was like ”Because it’s no big deal, it’s just grass snake, I have been bitten by those too. Just wash the wound and he’ll be fine in a few days.”

So we kind of trusted MIL because she has lived in the countryside her whole life and we believed that she knew animals and could tell them apart. We called our doctor and she confirmed that while the grass snake’s bite can be painful, it isn’t dangerous.

A few hours go by and our son gets worse. He starts vomiting, he has a high fever and his arm is turning bluish. We rush him to the hospital, I tell the doctor what happened and show him the picture of the snake that MIL sent us. He looks at it and he’s like ”Ma’am, that’s not a grass snake. That’s a viper.”

My heart dropped into my stomach because vipers are venomous snakes. There are many species of them and those who live in our region aren’t super venomous but their venom can still kill a human, especially a child. So my son was admitted in the hospital and given antivenom serum. Now he feels a lot better but still needs to stay in the hospital for observation.

We call MIL again and tell her everything. She was repeating the whole time ”It cannot be, I know snakes, that was definitely a grass snake!” Well, it wasn’t, MIL. I googled pictures of vipers and many of them look exactly like in MIL’s picture. It’s possible that she was just mistaken because grass snake and viper look kinda similar, they’re both gray snakes with some minor differences. And I was interested in how that happened in the first place. I’m not a zoologist but I’m pretty sure snakes don’t prey on humans, they tend to avoid humans and only attack if they’re bothered in some way.

MIL said ”Well, it was on the stump in the sun and maybe he poked it a bit. I just turned my back for a moment. He’s a big boy now and should know himself that snakes aren’t meant to be touched.”

No, MIL, he’s just 4 years old. He’s still very little and doesn’t fully realize yet that the thing he wants to explore could be dangerous. That’s why you’re there to make sure he’s safe. We left him at your house and we trusted you to keep him safe, that was your responsibility. Of course, sometimes accidents happen that no one is responsible for. Like, if you were walking and a tree branch fell onto his head, no one would blame you for that. But if you’re not looking after the child to the point where you don’t see he’s touching a snake, that’s not ok. And if you’re unsure of what kind of snake bit him, just call an ambulance.

She doesn’t fully admit her fault, claiming that children are like seaweeds, moving so fast it’s hard to follow them. Nothing tragic has happened, our son is fine but I don’t know if I want to leave him alone with MIL again. This could have ended a lot differently after all.

Ok so I have two kids 6f 8m and I’m currently 7 months pregnant! I was brought up in a family where everyone helped out and did chores and when you did these chores when you were little you’d get a treat just for encouraging them, this wasn’t a big treat just like a candy bar or a little toy something around £2 at most.

Me and my husband talked about all this and agreed this was a great idea, my husbands family never had these kinds of rules and it lead to my husband and his sisters being super lazy ( my husband had never washed his own clothes, loaded a dishwasher or even cooked anything until he met me and it was a hard habit to get out of)

My MIL came over a few days ago and we were all sat in the living room drinking coffee and the kids were playing when I remembered we had bought some nice biscuits for when my in-laws came over so I asked my daughter if she’d go get them from the kitchen. My MIL said to her not to do it and I could do it because I was the mother. I was kinda confused but did it anyway.

Later on my MIL pulled me to the side before leaving and told me I can’t use my children for child labour and how she hopes I get off my ass and stop being lazy. I said that my children should have chores and that I shouldn’t have to do everything just because I’m their mother. She said I’m abusing my right as a mother. I was seeing red but she left before I could scream at her.

My husband did hear anything as she pulled me aside privately but later agreed with me and said he didn’t want his children to turn out like himself.

I’m really pissed at her but should I bring it up again??

MIL has always been crazy about holidays - all three (adult) children NEED to be there. For a while, especially Christmas, DH and I tried to do an "every other year" approach. i.e., one year we do with his family, the next year with mine. My parents were more than happy with that, MIL was not. She'd do stuff like "come over for just half an hour" and then keep us hostage there for hours. Keep in mind DH is an absolute coward as well, and does not fight back. The first COVID Christmas we told her that we would not be going anywhere, we would be staying home. Not to my parents or his parents. She was having NONE of that, and called us to negotiate all day long. I am not joking - it was from morning until evening. I posted on here and showed him all of the comments that were calling him out, that he needed to set her straight, that she spent more of her Christmas trying to get us to come rather than actually celebrating with who was with her. Something finally clicked for him then, and he stood up to her for the first and probably only time.

So, here we are again. Over Easter, we all got sick because she had to see us once a week the entire month of April. That in itself is too much, but she likes her surprise drop ins as well, and then a family member died and had a major group gathering. So we told her we were not coming for Easter and she said that was okay, because everybody else was sick anyways. We didn't have plans with my parents because they know she's insane with holidays, and we just kind of agreed on a "next weekend" sort of up in the air thing. So we got to finally NOT see her, but we both knew she'd do a "make up" Easter, because how could she possibly survive not celebrating a holiday with everybody there?

Unfortunately, the weekend after Easter (so this past weekend) was DH's birthday. We went out for dinner last night. It would have been fine but she brought up a "make up for Easter", which I was expecting. I wasn't expecting it to get so gross. I should also say now that over the years, I have told DH that he needs to stand up for her, why can't he, can you please be on my side etc... he always agrees, acts like I am right, but he will also openly say "I don't know why I'm such a coward for her" "I don't know why I can't stand up to her" and just lets me deal with it. I have told him a few times already I'm worried for Christmas, because it's my family's turn, but you know it'll turn into a shit show. He's acting tough now, saying we'll put our foot down (lol, I will put my foot down) and say no.

Anyway, she brought up a make up for Easter weekend. She asked if I've asked my parents about Mother's Day and if we have plans. I said of course not, I don't even know when Mother's Day is right now and we haven't planned that far ahead. She really said "Oh, so I win!" and laughed. I said back, "It's okay, my parents have accepted that you win all holidays at this point." and honestly, this is true! At this point after all of these years of drama and trying to figure out how to see each other, my parents have just accepted that she won't allow it, and that we will just work around her "needs" because it's so insane and stressful and causes so much drama otherwise.

She sounded SO shocked! She started stuttering and said, "oh... I don't need to win every holiday!" I said back, "but you do". It just dropped off there, I guess because we were in a restaurant, it was her baby boy's birthday and she didn't want to get into it, whatever. I was happy to have said that.

When we got home, DH starts going off about how he didn't think I was too bitchy but that was an appropriate response, he didn't know where she was coming from saying "I win"... I have said to her before that she treats holidays like a custody battle, but she doesn't seem to care or if never got through to her. This time, she genuinely sounded shocked. I don't know if it's because I brought my parents into it as well, or I just really called her out. Dh said how he's so tired of seeing everybody as often as we do. But did he say any of this to her? No, he just stayed quiet like always.

I need MIL to understand that I also have a family. That not only do I have a family, but I would like to see them. She purposely chose Mother's Day, a holiday that benefits her but also one ahead in time enough that she knew I wouldn't have plans set up with my family yet. She expects us to give any and all of our free time to her. I want to hope that my tiny little comment will have woken something up in her, made her realize, but I also know it won't. If we can't make it to whatever she has planned, she will just drive an hour+ to our place and drop things off, absolutely unnecessarily.

When it comes up again, closer to the date, I am going to say to her that she needs to allow me to also see my family. That she needs to remember it is not all just her side. Maybe throw in that they aren't happy about this either. She has tried a few times to invite them to her place instead, and they have been, but not for a holiday. That is because they have their own traditions and cooking in their own kitchen and blahblahblah, right? She can't just change everybody's plans to revolve around her. And idk if that one is a little too rude, but it's true!

So, that's where we are at. I told DH that I know I'm all alone on this, and that at this point I am going to have to get a little more btchy or straight up with her. He didn't blink an eye at that, he just agreed. She really said "I win" when it came to talking to a holiday - I knew she was nuts about who gets to see who for stuff like this, but that's truly how she is seeing it. It isn't a battle!

I have suggested many times that DH and her start going out for mother/son dates, get seeing him out of her system because she needs to so badly, but he won't. He is never going to stand up to her.

Like I said, she is getting worse, more pushy about the holidays lately, and she needs us all there. I thought it would be the opposite - she understands that all of her 30+ year old children have lives, we are grownups etc. But no, she needs everybody there with their loved ones.

If anybody has any other basic sort of things I could throw out for when I confront her, I would greatly appreciate it. I also absolutely think she will just throw out a "invite your parents!" for this Mother's Day, but I want to say something along the lines of "they want to cook and celebrate in their own home" like that is so unreasonable lol, and also that you can't just invite other people to your house to make it all work out for yourself.

I'm still so grossed out by her saying "I win" and just laughed about it. That's really how she has been thinking about this for all of these years. I'm going to have to get more harsh these days.

EDIT: I really appreciate the feedback, and all of these comments. But I also would appreciate stopping telling me I have no spine or no balls. I have been fighting this woman and telling her no for 10+ years now and completely on my own. I know my husband is a coward and that's partly why this is so difficult. I have been saying "no is a complete sentence" to both DH and MIL for YEARS. They don't care. I came here for some extra help and I appreciate it, but I need y'all to understand that a lot of basic stuff has been tried before. I know that's why we are here, because we have caved so many times. But this year I have told him that I am ready to break up if we don't deal with her and that's why and how I am here. She has no boundaries even when I have tried to set them, she will show up at our workplaces unannounced, drop in at our places even though we've told her not to.

edit 2: OKAY, regarding the word "allow"... I wanted to use that as in, "hey MIL, take a look in the mirror at how controlling you are, you literally will not allow me to see my family" I will use a more harsh and blunt word. I know I can do what I want, I just came here to find some good ways to figure this out.

FOR CONTEXT: My MIL is a nurse, and only works part-time at the hospital I had given birth at. She was off for a few days at the time.

So, I had gone into labor on May 16th and unfortunately, someone in the hospital had contacted my MIL, breaking HIPAA, to tell her I was in labor. Turns out, a friend of my SIL worked in the hospital in the cafeteria and had brought my breakfast. My MIL, after this friend from the cafeteria told her, was frantically texting my parents asking why I was in the hospital to get information on everything. Literally everyone but me.

After I told my husband I was in labor, he finally got to leave military tech school when I went into labor to be with me. As SOON as he got there, my MIL found out from my SIL's friend and went nuclear. She said things like "So, I found out you're I'm town.", "Our family that is gone would not believe you're acting like this." (His family that'd PASSED AWAY.) Then she said, "All of our family is dead to you anyways." Then texted a barrage of insults to my family about us being secretive and terrible people for not telling her I was literally in active labor.

She then got some military spouse to text my husband and tell him that my parents are horrible people and scammers and how she could report them to the VA for being scammers. Now, my parents honorably served in the military, so of course this is ludicrous and will absolutely be taken to court because it is so damaging.

But, my MIL began to spread lies calling me and my family "toxic" ALL over Facebook and said that she hopes "One day, all will be made clear." It's actually insane. My husband and I's memory of my child's birthday will be tainted with my MIL's drama and it breaks my heart because it was meant to be special. It will always be special, but it's just a bit sad now, if that makes sense? Thanks for reading 💓

Oh, and my husband will have to collect his things from her house when he gets out so if you have any advice for him/us for collecting it, it would be so appreciated. And we're no longer in contact with her, she hasn't reached out to my husband, but hasn't blocked him. She blocked me and my family, though! 👍

So basically I (24f) am half white half Asian. My dad is Dutch, my mom is Singaporean (Chinese). We’ve been living in the US for almost 20 years now. We moved when I was 5.

So, I met my boyfriends mom a few weeks back, and it went okay I guess. A few days ago I found out she’s Facebook stalked me.

She found a picture of me with my dad at a black tie event. I was holding his arm. The Asian features really came through with me, so I don’t really ‘look’ like my dad.

We meet again, and halfway through the conversation she casually goes “where’s your sugar daddy?”. Conversation stops. I’m just like “no? I don’t have one?”

She pulls up my Facebook profile and shows me the pic. I just laugh it off and explain that’s my dad. She then asks me whether I was adopted. I again laugh it off. She lets it go for a while.

She brings it up again! “Well, I hope your dad did a DNA test when you were born” At this point I’m just like what it up with this woman? Maybe I just had a really sheltered upbringing but I’ve never met anyone who was this brand of weird?

I tell her very plainly that I don’t appreciate her insinuating that my mother cheated on my father and left. That night I get messages saying “I took a joke too seriously” from my bf and “she was just making fun of the fact you don’t really look that much like him”.

TW - sexual abuse/r*pe, physical abuse, domestic violence, ableist slurs

I just recently left my husband. And by left my husband, I mean I left a note saying that I was done and my cellphone by the door, my son and I waltzed out to the minivan, and proceeded to begin to drive from California to New York with not much but $200 for gas, some canned goods and snacks, and a few bags of stuff/clothes. That's how desperate I was. I left my whole life behind. Even our beloved cat, which my son and I are hurting very much over.

I think what bothers me a lot, not the most, but a lot, was my MIL's role in this situation. She would rather call every single woman on earth a "lying whore" than admit that her son is a violent, drunken batterer and a misogynist. She has personally literally witnessed me being raped, being punched in the face, being verbally abused. She's witnessed him mock our son with Cerebral Palsy when he was struggling with his crutches, laugh when he's fallen and hurt himself, and call him r*tarded. She acted like she didn't see it. She just walked away. She played it off and minimized it. She made jokes. She tried to sweep it all under the rug.

A year ago I previously tried to leave, I filed a protection order and everything. MIL was there in court, calling me crazy and troubled. She even called CPS saying I was "delusional" and "out of touch with reality" trying to gaslight the fuck out of me. My husband agreed to have MIL support me in closing the CPS case, in exchange I would drop the protection order, tell the court I was mentally unwell (not true), and go to an inpatient mental health facility for a week (I have anxiety but not even that serious, I didn't need that and it was clearly punitive) and then come home and "know my place" and be a "better wife and mother to my family". So out of fear, I did it. I was quiet for a whole year until I finally left at Christmas.

I just need support and love and help to unravel my feelings here. It feels like MIL is also abusing me, and it's tough to try and deal with abuse from my husband when it feels like his mother is on board with it. It feels like my son and I are being ganged up on.

CW: ableism

So, I can't walk very long distances, can't climb stairs at all and am mostly in my wheelchair. MIL doesn't believe I need my wheelchair. Following is a part of a conversation I had with my MIL.

MIL: Can you walk?

Me: Yes, depending on how far I have to walk and how I'm feeling that day.

MIL: So you can walk. Then what's up with the wheelchair?

It was my birthday last week, and MIL decided to throw me a party. On the deck of her house that's currently under renovation. We get there, and the front of MIL's house is all torn up. There's no walkway, there's cement and rocks everywhere. It was all blocking the front door. Basically, even if you weren't in a wheelchair you wouldn't have been able to get into the house through the front door.

According to MIL, that wasn't a problem! Since the party was on the deck and you don't need to go through the house to get to the deck. All you need to do is go to the backyard, and climb the stairs on to the deck. Easy right? Not. MIL had not told anyone that her house was under reno, so we were all taken aback. When husband and I get to the backyard, MIL and husband's siblings were all on the deck having food and drinks.

There was no feasible way for me to get up there unless I was carried. I was ready to leave until my BILs started clearing the tables and chairs and bringing them down onto the grass. MIL was having a fit - "that's my deck furniture!" or "It'll get grass stains!" but in the end they all effectively moved the stuff down.

MIL was grumbling, but put on a nice face for the rest of the party. Later on I heard her complaining about why I didn't just climb the stairs since I could walk. She doesn't get that a person can walk, AND need a wheelchair at the same time.

So, that basically sums up what a disaster that day was.

Also, where I live gatherings up to 10 people are allowed, and we didn't exceed that number.

Hellloo hi it’s been a while!

So my due date is next week and my MIL has now said it multiple times that she will just “hold the baby” we don’t need a car seat for the baby. I’ve told her multiple times “no car seat no baby period.” Her response “I didn’t put any of my babies in a car seat.” To make matters worse, DH has now been saying the same thing now “yeah we can just hold the baby” like what the actual fuck. Btw we have bought two car seats - one for my car and one for my husband’s car and yet she wants to “hold the baby.” I’m fucking livid.

I honestly can’t believe I have to write this, but I’m still in shock.

A little while ago, I lost my mom unexpectedly. It was devastating and painful. We planned a small, intimate funeral, exactly how my mother would have wanted it. Just close family and those who truly mattered to her and to us.

Today, my MIL decided to tell me that she’s hurt. Because I didn’t come to her for support during that time. Because I didn’t want her to come over. Because she wasn’t invited to the funeral (mind you: she met my mom once and didn’t know her)

Just to be clear: I don’t have a close relationship with her and she has a history of ignoring boundaries and making situations about herself. This wasn’t about her in any way and now she’s managed to make even my grief about my mother’s death somehow center around her feelings.

She literally told me she felt “excluded” and that it “hurt her” that I didn’t lean on her or let her be there for me. My mom died and she’s upset that I didn’t give her a role in that process. I can’t even begin to process the audacity.

I had to vent!!! Don’t know how where to go from here..