r/Jewish • u/FalseMountain9527 • 8d ago
Venting š¤ Feeling confused and ashamed
Throwaway because many of my friends are pro-Palestinian
I (F17) am of Senegalese and Spanish-Jewish origin. My mom is Muslim and my dad was Jewish but my parents broke up when I was younger( like 8 )and went no contact, so Iāve been out of touch with my Jewish heritage for what feels like forever ( and to be honest sometimes I feel like Iām not even Jewish because I know so little ) My mom never denied that part of me though and although my family is Muslim theyāre very open minded, when I was little my younger cousin even wanted to convert to Judaism, but she could never help me get in touch with that part of me so I kind of scrambled to reclaim that side of my identity and thatās how I became fascinated with Israel.
When I was little no other kid knew what it was and my mom thought it was cute but that was all there was to it. Now since oct. 7 everyone my age knows about Israel but theyāve been very critical of it some even saying it shouldnāt exist and because of that I got into an argument with my best friend of literally ever. She (F19) was born and raised in Senegal and immigrated when she was like 12, her family gets along very well with mine so we used to spend all of our time together. Recently though she posted a story of those posters where they say stuff like Israel is starving ppl etcā¦ and at first I didnāt really confront her because I figured she just didnāt know better,,, but when she came over for barbecue I decided Iād use this opportunity to explain to her the situation and she wouldnāt hear any of it.
I explained how important it was for Jewish people to have a place for them, a safe haven to practice our culture and just be who we are and she just ??? Disagreed ??? She told me something and thatās what stuck with me and why Iām feeling ashamed, she asked me : if tomorrow Afro Americans decided that the us arenāt safe enough for them anymore and decide to just settle in Senegal and people are moved out of their houses to make room and now the French army is back on the territory, would you support that ? And I was like well no but thatās because theyāre Americans, they have their country and their culture and all that and then she asked me if my father didnāt also have that. She was like āis ur father just Jewish or is he Spanish AND Jewish?ā
And yeah, my dad spoke to me in Spanish, and although I donāt remember it all too well, I do know that my familyās history is IN Spain, and ever since then I stopped talking to her and Iāve been feeling ashamed because now Iām questioning everything I believed in.
Iām not saying Israel doesnāt need to exist but Iām not sure I agree with the method used by the IDF? Our āsafe havenā hasnāt know peace because who ever decided to cut the land didnāt do so equally and didnāt house people who were moved out and I feel like this isnāt our fault but idk I feel ashamed because I thought if I ever got the chance to become Israeli then Iād be a real Jewish girl but now Iām not even sure I want to visit the country anymore, and I do feel like my ancestry is to be upheld (??) but I feel like my friend was kinda right, that I already have a culture and now Iām thinking and Iām ashamed to think so but I genuinely believe that Iād rather work hard to be accepted among other Spaniards as both Spanish and Jewish than fight people for a land my family has no history or ties to, because at the end of the day antisemitism is the root of the problem. If for whatever reason we lose the war then I donāt want to feel unsafe but I donāt think Israel is whatās gonna keep us safe, itās failed to do so so far and now everyone I know is against their methods in the war and Iām no longer sure theyāre wrong to disagree Iāve spent so long fantasizing about meeting other Jewish people or like being accepted as such that I completely forgot that I could be Jewish, Senegalese AND Spanish.
This is really just word salad and English is not my first language, so please donāt be mean. I havenāt told my mom about it and I genuinely have like no Jewish friends so I have no one to talk to about this and Iām terrified that Iām just being antisemitic for questioning all that since I wasnāt raised as a like āproper Jewish personā?? Iām not even sure how to word it
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u/tangyyenta 8d ago
Large scale Arab immigration to Israel/ Palestine did not begin until the Jewish Russian/ European obtained permission from the ottoman caliphate to RETURN to the land, bring investment and improvements, sewers, clean water , electricity and employment. Let me say this again. The Arabs did not immigrate to Palestine in large numbers until after the Jews revitalized the land. Jews always lived in Israel. There was always continuous populations. Small, oppressed.., under foreign rule. But The small strip of land is ours. The surrounding Arab Muslim countries have oil, shipping ports, and their own governments.