r/KelownaBC • u/AshleyWilliams78 • 6d ago
Man goes insane on fellow apartment resident after she rejects his offer of "friendship" following one friendly interaction between them
33
u/GutturalMoose 6d ago
Dear mods, don't be like r/Kelowna and protect creeps.
Last time a woman was ignored she was murdered in this city. Don't have that burden on your soul
7
u/Waste_Airline7830 6d ago
I literally just left r/Kelowna today because of this. A mod literally tried to justify deleting posts to protect the guy's identity because it's doxxing and "would rather have 100 criminals free than an innocent guy in jail". You can't make this shit up. They are either completely oblivious or morally bankrupt to enable this sorta shit by silencing the community's voice.
10
u/Neve4ever 6d ago
There's a non-zero chance that the guy in the video is also a mod. Lol
6
u/VibroTweed 5d ago
That was immediately my first thought. That or a close friend. It's really pathetic after what happened to Bailey.
6
u/FrozenOcean420 5d ago
I think buddy is lacking close friends.
3
3
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 4d ago
Loneliness epidemic on full display. This is unfortunately part of the male mental health crisis and while I don’t condone what he is doing at all, to a degree it’s sad to see people shitting on him because this type of thing occurs after year and years of hurting on the inside.
2
u/cernegiant 3d ago
Nope.
Going through your own struggles does not excuse acting like this.
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
Of course it doesn’t. But this is the end result, as a society we should be questioning how we got here and why it doesn’t get course corrected along the way.
2
u/cernegiant 3d ago
One of the ways we get here is people like you not be willing to condemn behavior like this and instead looking for ways to make the perp a victim.
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
Christ you’ve got a few screws loose. Open your fucking eyes or turn the screen on and READ. Nowhere is his behaviour condoned or acceptable and yes it should be punished, but if there wasn’t a mental health crisis and there were places for him to go and get help 5-10 years ago he wouldn’t be in this situation. You can’t do anything about the past but we can in the future.
1
2
u/LopsidedMonitor9159 2d ago
Why don't all the men in this 'loneliness epidemic' hang out with each other then? It seems like a problem that would solve itself.
You can spend your days hanging out with this creep if you're so sad to see him hurting, I'm much more concerned about the women he's trying to assault.
1
u/leavenotrace71 4d ago
Give us a massive fucking break. You’re sympathetic to a man who feels ENTITLED ENOUGH to a woman’s attention that he’s HARASSING HER in PUBLIC?? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?? Women are not responsible for your loneliness - your awful personalities are.
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
Yikes. Get help. Who said anything about women being responsible? There needs to be more men’s supportive groups and it needs to be acknowledged and they need to not be made to feel like less of a man by going to them. Not everyone suffering has an awful personality and I’m sure they didn’t before the suffering began. Social cues can be learned.
1
u/leavenotrace71 3d ago
Get absolutely fucked if you think we should “feel bad” for men who harass women.
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago edited 3d ago
I think you should feel bad for anyone who becomes unhinged due to their disability. Their mind isn’t right. Regardless of what they do. Sad that we live among emotional lunatics like yourself. Wouldn’t be surprised to see you in a video in the future screaming at someone.
→ More replies (0)1
1
1
u/Grfhlyth 4d ago
The male loneliness epidemic is just men acting like entitled babies tho
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
You’re part of the problem if you think that’s the case
2
u/Grfhlyth 3d ago
There is no problem to be part of. It's just a bunch of losers who hate women wondering why none of said women are showing up to blow them under their computer desks for being talentless, know-nothing nobodies
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
Talk about extreme. Not everyone is like that. Consider spending less time being on the internet / watching porn if that’s what you really think.
1
u/Dingcock 6d ago
You can't make this shit up. They are either completely oblivious or morally bankrupt to enable this sorta shit by silencing the community's voice
That mod didn't "make up" 100 criminals free over 1 innocent, that concept has been around for hundreds of years and is really where the presumption of innocence comes from in our justice system while you are simply presuming he is guilty.
I mean, he probably is guilty and I don't really have a position on the issue I'm just pointing out that it's not exactly some crazy idea, it's actually extremely common and easy to understand.
1
u/Waste_Airline7830 5d ago
Yeah I wasn't trying to debate on the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. I was talking about the fact that they tried to deflate the situation and silence the community using this.
1
u/Waste_Airline7830 5d ago
Maybe I am misunderstood. When I said "You can't make this shit up" I meant to imply that I wasn't lying or making things up, this truly happened.
1
u/HFCloudBreaker 4d ago
That mod didn't "make up" 100 criminals free over 1 innocent, that concept has been around for hundreds of years and is really where the presumption of innocence comes from in our justice system while you are simply presuming he is guilty.
Yeah dude we're not in a court and that dude is clearly screaming at this woman. Jesus christ get off the cross.
0
u/Common-Age-2011 6d ago
It's kind of a slippery slope though. This doxxing seems right because its meant to spread awareness of a potentially dangerous person. I think it should be left up but I can understand the reasoning for its removal.
8
u/VanCityLing 5d ago
Not doxxing! His full name, identity, address and or job were not shared. This is not doxxing.
Dude allowed himself to be videotape behaving this way in a public space. If he was that worrief he should have stfu and left her vicinity when the camera came out.
6
u/rediphile 5d ago
Was it really doxxing though? It seemed more like a "keep a look out for this guy" not a "his name is X and his address is Y let's fuck him up".
-1
u/Amazonreviewscool67 5d ago
Isn't it technically against the rules to doxx people without official police reports?
I'm not vouching for the guy but I mean it seems like they are just following their own rules which I'd prefer more Reddit mods actually do.
6
u/Reasonable_Beach1087 5d ago
She says in the comments she has called the cops more than once and they've basically blown her off
7
u/VanCityLing 5d ago
Not doxxing.
Nowhere is the full name, identity, address and or job shared of this person. This is not doxxing.
Dude allowed himself to be videotape behaving this way in a public space. If he was that worrief he should have stfu and left her vicinity when the camera came out.
5
6
u/MarcusXL 5d ago
This is NOT doxxing unless it gives his full name, address, etc. It's just a video of a person.
13
u/AshleyWilliams78 6d ago
Writing to add, I am not the woman in the TikTok video. I'm just sharing this in the hopes that this man can be identified.
5
u/GutturalMoose 6d ago
He is already known to police
15
u/AshleyWilliams78 6d ago edited 6d ago
Based on the woman's updates on her TikTok, they don't seem to be in much of a hurry to do anything about him. One of the officers made a point to tell her that he had to stay 10 minutes late on his shift because of her.
11
u/Logical_Funny6355 6d ago
I live near Kelowna and the RCMP have the same attitude here. When I woke up to a man in a drug psychosis grabbing at me from my bedroom window at 5AM and the police took 45 minutes to show up and left without even speaking to me. When I called to follow up and ask why it took so long, I was told that because we don't have 24 hour policing the officers who responded were on-call and had to get out of bed to deal with me. He was having a bad day and took it out on me.
The way the RCMP handled the situation is why I ended up with PTSD and will never call them for help again. I don't know what their role is in our society anymore, but it sure isn't to help women who are being harassed, assaulted, or abused by men.7
u/billwongisdead 6d ago
I live in rural BC have been practising law in BC for 16 years. This experience of the RCMP is typical. I used to tell people don't bother calling unless there is someone breaking into your house. Now i tell people, buy a gun the RCMP aren't coming.
4
u/FrozenOcean420 5d ago
This is why woman need to yell fire instead of rape. Maybe the commenter above should call the fire dept next time.
3
u/Logical_Funny6355 6d ago
I've got a rusty axe next to my bed and have since surrounded my home with security cameras. I've also ruminated an unhealthy amount about how I could have handled my situation using my own education & skills without calling 911. I thoroughly regret waiting for the police to bother showing up while the man got more and more agitated.
1
u/Waste_Airline7830 6d ago
That's fucking insane.. yet consistent with the common experience with RCMP.
3
u/Mayalestrange 5d ago
When my mom, a woman then in her 50s, was assaulted in public, an RCMP officer came to her home to give her a speech about how her statement being used to press charges would affect the man's life (and the guy was in his mid 30s, not some wayward teen). They are absolutely useless thugs.
2
u/Logical_Funny6355 5d ago
They are part of the problem. I used to be fundamentally pro-police; I even accepted and paid my speeding tickets without complaint because I respect the social contract I thought we had. But then I was told that if I wanted the RCMP to respond to a man in a drug psychosis grabbing at me in the middle of the night, I should tell the mayor to fund them better (thats a quote from the constable who took my call) and I stopped trusting that social contract and police altogether. Now I believe that if I call the RCMP for help, they won't help me and they'll get mad at me for wanting help. I followed the civilian complaint process to try to resolve my experience, but it turns out the civilian complaint office lets them investigate themselves. The local officer they had investigate my complain was angry at me for filing the complaint and yelled at me that he was trying to be empathetic but I wasn't making it easy for him. He was frustrated with me because I wouldn't agree with his "fact" that I lived in a basement suite with my landlords upstairs. I kept insisting that I am a single mother living in a 1 story home with my 2 kids and my landlords live on vancouver island. He berated me and yelled at me until I was hysterical, curled up, crying in a ball on the chair. It was never resolved. We couldn't get past the disparity in "facts" about my housing. That was extremely confusing and traumatic for me.
As part of trauma therapy, I have to accept the facts as they are and not want resolution. So I have to accept that I can't trust the RCMP to behave with integrity, and the civilian complaint process is a facade that is controlled by the police. I also have to accept that the way the local RCMP responded to me during the break in and after during the civilian complaint investigation process is an expected and approved response because at no point did anyone acknowledge that they did anything wrong, it was always turned an put on me - I was wrong for needing the police when they weren't on duty and I was wrong for complaining to the civilian oversight and causing an investigation into their response. I was also, apparently, wrong about basic facts about my life and home. I now understand that the police aren't for me and asking them for help in a crisis will only make that situation worse for me and my family. I've adjusted my understanding and expectation of society accordingly. The PTSD from the break-in evolved into Major Depression which festered into Persistent Depressive Disorder. I used to be an optimistic, ,enthusiastic, "were all in this together" type of person. Now I know the world is fully of bad people who are allowed to hurt me and asking for help will only make it worse.4
u/Mayalestrange 5d ago
I'm so sorry that you suffered that. My mom was also deeply affected by the experience and the way she was treated by the RCMP afterwards absolutely made the trauma worse. I'm convinced policing is a profession that attracts bullies that want authority and should never rightfully have it.
2
u/SemiUrusaii 5d ago
This applies to police anywhere in Canada, basically. The difference between now and twenty years ago is night and day. In Toronto, the cops just don't show up unless there is a gun or a stabbing. After a situation where you really need them, you learn that you're on your own.
2
1
u/LopsidedMonitor9159 2d ago
And they don't care. They'll loop back around after he kills her to fill out the paperwork.
6
1
6
6
u/PhotographNo403 5d ago
The mods @ r/Kelowna are horrible humans and like protecting abusive, high-risk men.
In r/Kelowna, they have a highlight saying, "stop posting the angry man yelling at women. "
So I left the group and messaged the mods they are part of the problem. I also called them out for diminishing gender based violence as the man in the video is physically blocking a woman from leaving as well as the verbal part of her experience.
Now I'm muted for 30 days to r/Kelowna, which I'm no longer a part of.
Protecting abusive people makes those mods disgusting humans.
2
u/TheHeyHeyMan 2d ago
So, ok, I unfortunately know the main mod in charge of r/kelowna (by association) (he also brags about being a mod) and he literally is friends with this dude. Like actually. Mike is also dangerous and the police know him.
-1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 4d ago
Another word is “disabled people” - this man clearly needed mental health help years ago and just doesn’t want to be lonely. No need to pile on him like a man hater.
3
u/microfishy 4d ago
Lol troll harder bruv. Perving on and harassing women isn't a disability.
2
u/LopsidedMonitor9159 2d ago
Don't waste your time. This guy is a troll who keeps posting that this man is just a poor "victim of the male loneliness epidemic."
He honestly believes he wouldn't be trying to assault this mean lady if she'd just touch his penis for a while.
0
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
Perhaps check yourself in to a facility with this guy because your ability to identify social queues / disability is far gone if you do not believe this is a disability. And learn the definition of pervert. Not condoning anything he did but you’re fucking retarded. Cheers.
1
2
u/liquor-shits 4d ago
So now he terrifies women.
0
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
Yes that’s the unfortunate end result. Why are we at the end though? What got us here?
1
u/PhotographNo403 3d ago
What a stupid comment, and it says a whole lot about you..... Trying to discredit that the guy's s major creep saying he's disabled is gross and creepy as well.
0
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 2d ago
Are you seriously trying to suggest he is normal and just having an outbreak or what is your angle? Like are you retarded?
You are telling me you watch that video and don’t think he has some sort of mental disability? Get your own head checked
1
u/PhotographNo403 2d ago
Please go see mental health professionals. They are there to help you.
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 2d ago
You’re the one who needs the help. Maybe you and the guy in the video can be friends and we can solve two issues at once.
3
u/fanglazy 6d ago
Call the non emergency police line and report this. It’s not going to lead to an arrest or anything but it’s important that a file is begun so there is a record of escalation (which I really hope there isn’t).
2
u/the_moog_hunter 5d ago
She says the police have been called multiple times but he doesn't answer the door when they show up. So ineffective...
1
3
u/Disastrous_Candy9122 6d ago
She needs to pack a bag. Go stay with family or friends. Don’t continue to pay rent there. Send that video to the property manager. Find a new place to live. Unfortunately by the time he is dealt with she could be dead.
2
u/East_Bed_8719 3d ago
For anyone this may be relevant for, I'm not sure about BC's tenant laws but in Ontario there is a specific form you can submit to break your lease if your safety is compromised like in this situation.
2
u/Disastrous_Candy9122 6d ago
This is terrifying. The lady shouldn’t have to move. I would though. Some one like that is going to kill somebody. Waiting for the police or property manager to do something is not wise.
2
2
u/JustPick1_4MeAlready 5d ago
I tried sharing this on Are We Dating The Same Guy (BC and local) and I got banned.
This is exactly the kind of person women need a warning about.
3
u/fazerlazer911 5d ago
My sis had to deal with a guy like this for few years. Sometimes i was there and while the guys behaviour is unacceptable, ladies pleease i beg you. For your safety and any1 there for your safety, put your ego aside and resist the urge to make a caddy remark back. Especially if the dude is leaving. It can set them the fuck off and the next thing you know you're in a physical altercation.
2
u/Glitterpaws0 5d ago
I read a post in r/vent today about a guy who was asking why women his age (early 20s) “have no social skills” (are not friendly to him).
Unfortunately your advice here is probably part of it for some of them.
I agree with you here that to reduce a violent interaction is to reduce participation in any interaction. I wish more people understood this.
1
u/Waste_Airline7830 4d ago
While I see your point of concern for safety, I disagree with the "Handmaid's Tale"-ish normalization of women silencing themselves in the face of harassment and abuse. Instead I would encourage women to raise their voices and when/if you are in danger, but furthermore to be prepared to stand up for someone else when they are in need of it.
1
1
u/rogerbonus 6d ago
"Criminal harassment" is the charge they should be looking at
1
u/stealth_veil 5d ago
The courts don’t care about poors, renters and working class people, criminal harassment is only charged when the victim is rich and powerful.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/SemiUrusaii 5d ago
So, I don't know how I feel about doxxing in general, it's not something I spend any time thinking about. I will say, though, that if you have someone on video who is clearly committing a criminal act, it seems weird to be against doxxing them. Like if someone committed a hit and run and the license plate was on video, would the mods blur it? That makes no sense to me.
The man in this video is doing what could be construed in court as criminal harassment. He has made contact with this woman many times when she's clearly expressed she wishes no contact with him, she says she's afraid of him, and he's yelling and swearing at her and moving his arms quickly and violently.
If he were charged with criminal harassment and plead not guilty and took this to trial, there's a nearly 100% chance of conviction, based on this video alone. This is basically proof of him committing a crime. If you think he could somehow beat the charge, go ahead and explain why, because his case looks absolutely hopeless.
So here we have a video of a man committing a crime and he's at large. I see no reason why he shouldn't be doxxed. He should be doxxed so that the police can find him and charge him because he's a threat to at least one person and likely more.
1
u/T3naciousf3m 4d ago
Naw women are not allowed to speak out about men. This world would fall apart if women were listened to.
1
u/sonia72quebec 4d ago
Why does he have access to the parking garage if he doesn't have a car? They should take his key away.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Few_Bodybuilder_6872 2d ago
"you've created a spiritual disturbance"
That's fresh and terrifying. As a man, I'm sorry you have to put up with these mentally unstable individuals
1
0
u/Slow_Struggle_396 6d ago
Call police
8
u/Smashley027 6d ago
The first two rounds of police did absolutely nothing. Police historically never take this stuff seriously
6
u/EZontheH 6d ago
Which sadly, I kinda understand. The police can't reasonably be expected to police the behavior of every citizen, they aren't babysitters. I understand why they don't put the same emphasis on something like this compared to an "actual" crime that has been committed. We need to commit more resources and authority to community support workers and mental health professionals. There should be a mechanism for this woman to go to the building superintendent and open a file on this man.
The horrible part is that this could easily lead to a sexual assault or murder if not checked early on, at which point the police will for sure be involved and take things seriously...that's of no comfort to OP or her family though.
I dunno what the answer is to be honest. I don't want a police state, but there needs to be authority figures with the capability, means, and willingness to help.
3
u/GhostOfMufasa 6d ago
Well said. It's a very tricky thing for cops to handle coz yeah exactly they wanna do something but basically unless the dude actually commits a crime they can't necessarily hold him or arrest him for anything. And yeah sadly that may only come at a time too late if he's already done something. So yeah we definitely need better community resources across the board coz sadly there aren't enough cops to handle some of these issues on a more community level coz if we go full police state then people end up complaining about their rights being infringed so it's a tricky line to tow. But yeah hopefully the powers that be are able to find a balance since it's up to them to figure out these matters whether it ends up being via dedicating more resources or putting more mechanisms in place to help monitor people like this coz you don't wanna end up in a "too little too late" scenario.
1
u/LopsidedMonitor9159 1d ago
Harassment is a crime, though.
1
u/GhostOfMufasa 1d ago
Yep and they take the necessary steps within the confines of the law be it restraining orders or what not but their hands are tied until something escalates. It's why even for example in domestic abuse cases they can't do anything until one of the parties has probable cause beyond it being just a verbal altercation. That's why me and the previous comment were explaining that there's always a fine line that the police have to dance between because you can't go to an extreme on one end and end up having people detained or arrested on false cases without anything proved but then you also can't be too lenient and not monitor or keep track of people that need to be kept track of that's why you end up having all the several procedures and or community initiatives that then help the system to try and get that balancing act
0
u/grrrlscoutt 1d ago
The cops will literally arrest a mentally ill homeless person for the "crime" of being homeless in public or physically assault a college student after theyve just attempted suicide but they can't arrest a narcissist for harassing a woman on videotape? Tell me again that their hands are tied. Lol literally ridiculous take.
1
u/GhostOfMufasa 1d ago
I mean your statement was pretty self explanatory. Nobody is saying they can't do better. Them not having empathy for the homeless/vulnerable and for college students is literally part of the problem. When we talk about things needing to be improved I'm literally talking about across the board that's why I mentioned that things can be done on a community level to ease the strain on their resources and adversely it gives them less of an out when things like this happen because then we can say the community took xyz steps and xyz resources were allocated to this xyz needed to be done and it was or wasn't done and every facet can be held accountable across the board.
2
u/McLovin2182 6d ago
Lmao "call police", as if that means anything. Learn how to, and be ready, to protect yourself at all times
1
u/rediphile 5d ago
Yeah, police are a last resort that people need to understand might show up if the conditions allow.
People should think of it like Search and Rescue. If the weather is good and they can safely get to you in time, maybe you won't freeze to death that cold night on the mountain. But like, maybe pack a jacket if you're going into the mountains? Prepare to handle it on your own as best you can, even if you're hoping you never need to do so.
1
1
u/Large_Detective_194 5d ago
This is the definition of doxxing: search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular individual) on the internet, typically with malicious intent. The video does not have malicious intent, it is just to notify others of the possible dangers with this man. There is also no private or identifying information about him. We need to buy those mods a dictionary.
0
u/stealth_veil 5d ago
The sad thing is, he will probably sue her for posting this video and “defaming” him
0
u/Meta422 4d ago
I can not say this with enough urgency, he will hurt you. If not you, another woman. Please take this evidence to a domestic violence shelter or advocacy group in your area and ask them for help and advice. They will know the appropriate steps you can take and how to get the police to take this seriously. This is unacceptable, and you are not safe.
1
u/AshleyWilliams78 4d ago
Thanks, but I'm not the woman in the TikTok video. I crossposted this from r/thatsinsane , and I don't think that OP is the woman in the video either.
-1
u/Suitable-Cod9183 5d ago
Okay if she feels scared or threatened why not just walk away? She's just irritating him more and more risking her life. Lights are on but the place is empty.
2
u/Zero_Travity 4d ago
She lives there
0
u/Suitable-Cod9183 4d ago
Yeah, and she could go either home or outside away from him. Instead she is making a bad situation even worse. She can call help after she's safely away. Is there no common sense anymore? Safety classes I've taken my kids to, the police always say to get to safety and then call. Maybe there's a camera there but it sure wasn't safe because he seems unhinged.
2
u/deeohcee 4d ago
Did you miss the part where he's holding the door yet blocking the pathway? Which way should she be going to get away from him? Into the elevator? Where's the common sense in that?
-1
u/Ill-Beautiful-8026 4d ago
Doxxing is illegal and gets innocent people hurt and in trouble all the time. That may not apply here, but it happens all the time. You can justify it all you want but the truth is mods are not allowed to let doxxing occur it is strictly against subreddit rules.
Redditors and reddit mods aren't going to solve this situation. Give your fucking heads a shake. The police are and should continue to be involved with the protection of this woman's safety.
The nerve of you keyboard warriors calling foul on mods upholding site-wide rules is honestly pathetic. Twisting it into some bs about how they are incels just further reinforces how unbelievably out of touch with reality people are becoming online. Big yikes. Go touch grass.
If you have legitimate concerns about this womans safety and want to do something about it, contact her or contact the police. Get the fuck off reddit.
-1
u/MontrealTrainWreck 4d ago
Not sure what this public shaming hopes to accomplish, other than perhaps make a strange, angry and possibly mentally unstable man even more angry and unstable.
If the victim felt shorted by the attending RCMP officer, she should have contacted a supervisor.
She should also show this to her building's manager or management company.
0
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 4d ago
Agree here. All it does is make the other lonely people reading it become more mad and hateful and they’ll eventually get to a point like this too and snap.
1
u/Chunderpump 3d ago
"Lonely" and "completely fucking unhinged" are two very different things, and the former does not justify the latter.
1
u/Grouchy_Meaning7178 3d ago
Nowhere is it justified or should it be left unpunished. Help needed to be in place 5-10 years ago so something like this doesn’t happen, but we can’t change the past, so now to protect from the next 5-10 years. Do you honestly think there will be less of these scenarios 10 years from now if we do nothing? Get your head out of your ass
16
u/Impossible-Still-766 6d ago
This is how women die… this is terrifying