r/KitchenConfidential • u/BraileDildo8inches • 15h ago
In the Weeds Mode What's on your dry erase board
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u/JustaCFatchick 15h ago
To be clear it's the name of one of our wing sauces.. but the board does have me laughing today
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u/dumbass_shroom 15h ago
the whole thing is hilarious. the tape on the wall saying scitzofrenia, the soup being garbage suicide sauce fabulous
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u/i_was_axiom 14h ago
The misspelling and placement (of "scitzofrenia") are almost artistic. It speaks to me.
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u/crowcawer 13h ago
Good, because it’s the new dessert.
It looks like crème brûlée.
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u/i_was_axiom 13h ago
But it tastes like flan and no one believes you when you say so.....
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u/w-ngo 14h ago
This is hands down the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on this subreddit, I’m saving this and sharing it for years
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u/poor-obscure 10h ago
We poisoned a Celiac today and i needed this so hard. Agreed.
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u/imnotpoopingyouare 9h ago
That’s so fucked up and I laughed my ass off lol I’m so sorry, I’m sure it didn’t feel good.
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u/RevenantSith 15h ago
Suicide Wings, or Garbage Wings?
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u/guy_fleegman83 14h ago
Why not both. I worked with a guy who specialized in Fat-Fucker Food. Everything he made was crazy awesome
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u/AdMurky1021 14h ago
Garbage Soup. A little bit if everything
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u/plasticpralines 14h ago
I can’t believe why they would serve this at a restaurant
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u/crybabykuromi 13h ago
i made a joke like this on the kitchen whiteboard and the next day the cops were there and i was dragged out of the kitchen by my employer’s wife and then put on a temporary leave 💀 oh and the answer is no, the owners had never worked in food service before
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u/BlameItOnThePig 13h ago
I’m sure it’s a common hot sauce name, but any chance you’re in Jersey at the jug lol
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u/JustaCFatchick 13h ago
Nah, Windsor Canada at Joes lol. But it is a common name, this is the second place I've worked in this city that has a suicide sauce. Recipes are only a couple ingredients off each other
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u/BlameItOnThePig 12h ago
Ahh I figured it was a longshot but I fired anyway. Put a pinch (more) of garlic in your sauce and see what it does 👀
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u/JustaCFatchick 12h ago
👀👀👀
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u/BlameItOnThePig 12h ago
If you like it, add an extra pinch again next time and repeat until it’s perfect. Garlic and cayenne are great
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u/Ok_Marionberry8779 13h ago
Is it all the other wing sauces combined in one ramekin? 🤔
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u/JustaCFatchick 13h ago
Nah, it's your basic "tough guy" sauce.. 3rd degree, capsaicin, jap juice .. no real flavour, just burning lol
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u/Ok_Marionberry8779 8h ago
Lmao we had a triple hot like that with 5 quarts of toasted arbol chilis
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u/Grammeton 15h ago
Steve and Candice are fucking
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u/SuchSmartMonkeys 15h ago
I came to say Candace and Steve obviously love eachother and need to fuck already
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u/StellarJayZ 14h ago
So we're not counting the night they both closed, hit the bar up hard and used the managers office as a love nest?
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u/JonasBona 15h ago
Im pretty sure Candice is fucking Steve
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u/StellarJayZ 14h ago
The Candace and Steve having intercourse was obvious to everyone, but no one has noticed this is definitely strap on pegging territory and Steve and Candace are trying to treat it as an Olympic sport.
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u/CaptainSnarkyPants 14h ago
I didn’t peg Steve as that sort
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u/pewpew_lotsa_boolits Ex-Food Service 13h ago
These penetrating thoughts just come out of nowhere sometimes.
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u/pewpew_lotsa_boolits Ex-Food Service 13h ago
Hey man, we’re not gonna kink shame Steve. Poor guy started off with a little pinky grazing the brown starfish while getting some much needed attention, and from there it just kinda…snowballed. I’m proud of Steve for his confidence and acceptance of what he enjoys, and I’m envious of someone so comfortable in their own skin.
And besides, NGL, Candace is freaking HAWT and the thought of her wearing nothing but a strap on and a wicked grin makes me want to go hide in the keg cooler for a little bit.
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u/_Chernobly 10h ago
hey man there are people that can help with these kinds of thoughts
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u/MikeisET 15h ago
What are they doing with the rubber spatulas and deck scrubbers tho?
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u/Gloop_and_Gleep 15h ago
You don't know about the rubber spatulas and the deck scrubber?
I remember my first time ...
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u/fairycoquelicot 15h ago
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u/LSRNKB Ex-Food Service 14h ago
On a quick scroll I thought the text below said “mutton button” so now I need to find an excuse to say that phrase more often
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u/MinervaDreaming 10h ago
My wife wants me to ask Brooks what their workout routine is for that dump truck
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u/StevenInPalmSprings 15h ago edited 15h ago
Steve here. Send the first two items for me, stat! You can 86 the wart cream.
PS: I’m really not interested in Candace. She’s just my beard.
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u/MaggieMakesMuffins 14h ago
You're so brave, Steve.
(I'll send the wart cream in a dildo box, I got you sweety)
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u/shmegsnbacon1 13h ago
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u/tatk_tale310 11h ago
The note amongst a rainbow field of dicks and buttholes needs more love lol
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u/GreggFarnn 13h ago
Thanks guys. Surely you were all unaware of the walkthrough I had planned with our director of ops...
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u/phillyfanjd1 13h ago
Why are honey, anchovies and raclette all listed as dry goods?
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u/GreggFarnn 10h ago
As I remember "dry goods" became basically everything we would order from Chef's Warehouse
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u/Express_Area_8359 15h ago
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u/Yourlilemogirl 15h ago
After all the Brooklyn 99 and The Good Place I can hear this man's voice perfectly in my head forever
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u/AesopsAnimalFarm 14h ago
I always hear him in Community where hes supposed to be teaching Chang and Annie how to act and he just loses his shit
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u/therocketsalad Retired 14h ago
Jason Mantzoukas, and he’s a national treasure. You’re welcome.
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u/otosandwich 13h ago
Loved seeing him on Taskmaster. Figured I'd see a different side to him, but it seems the characters he plays are just a slightly exaggerated version of himself.
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u/king44 14h ago
He was just on the latest series of Taskmaster in the UK. He was on because he's a huge fan of the show and reached out and asked them if he could be a contestant, and they were like, "Yeah, sure, that would be awesome."
And it was awesome. Javiemartzoukas forever!
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u/oncloudeightandahalf 14h ago
"I'm locked in!"
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u/DayBowBow1 13h ago
You need to watch The League. That's where this gif is from and he's even more unhinged.
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u/Day_Bow_Bow 12h ago
He's great in his one episode of Twisted Metal. Plays a bad-ass coked-up sex-cult preacher.
I was surpised to see that episode was written by Ify Nwadiwe, who is a regular on Dropout.tv.
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u/DaWayItWorks 15h ago edited 15h ago
He shows up in Twisted Metal too as !<a preacher>! If you can believe that
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u/TheProofsinthePastis 15h ago
"Dick pills for Steve" seems like the logical next step.
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u/Beer_me_now666 15+ Years 14h ago
Better be the gas station kind of boner pills, I don’t fuck with no big pharma, can’t trust ‘em.
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u/TheProofsinthePastis 14h ago
I almost added "Gas Station" as a qualifier, but figured it was a given 🤣
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u/Dannimaru 20+ Years 13h ago
Oh man automatically where I went. Let's all get Steve the high grade stuff
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u/RezzKeepsItReal 15h ago
“86: The will to live”
Wrote that on the board the day we first opened our doors a little over 3 years ago, it’s the only thing nobodies ever erased 😂😂
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u/bakedinsandiego BOH 14h ago
I wrote that same thing on the FOH white board about a month ago and no one has erased it yet, either. 🙃
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u/Falsified_identity 15h ago
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u/IcariusFallen 15h ago
Sixteen dollars for a fuckin brownie?
As bad as the prices where I work.
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u/Falsified_identity 15h ago
It's not just a brownie, it's a GF brownie sundae with like, a half pound of fuckin chocolate on it.
Might as well call it the death of Wilfred Brimley bowl
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u/MissRiss918 12h ago
But gluten free food is so HeAltHy…
I am a gluten free baker (celiac disease). The number of people who believe that. Like no, ma’am the slice of cake you are eating is full fat and full sugar, but yes it is made with rice flour.
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u/Cat_tophat365247 15h ago
Came here to ask about that! $12 for a gin fizz???
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u/righthandofdog Ex-Food Service 14h ago
$12 for a featured cocktail would be on the low side in Atlanta.
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u/CD274 14h ago
Yeah prices are wild in Canada. But I know from drunk friends that the state liquor stores are cheap
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u/Cat_tophat365247 14h ago
Lol. Liquor stores are definitely more my speed. I'll make my own cocktails especially for that kind of dinero.
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u/JustaCFatchick 15h ago
Can I have a list of the STI's... turns out my brother is Clap intolerant lol
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u/verseandvermouth 13h ago
The second part is the blueprints for…something?
We don’t talk about the first part.
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u/throwawaypsbs 14h ago
Candace and Steve just need to fuck already and stop making everyone else live in their sexual tension.
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u/DrNinnuxx Catering 12h ago edited 12h ago
Currently some quotes from Dante's Inferno, including:
- Abandon all hope ye who enter here
- In the middle of the journey of our life I found myself within a dark woods where the straight way was lost
- There is no greater sorrow then to recall our times of joy in wretchedness
Someone got themselves a library card
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u/SilasJKaiser 10h ago
From a place I left a while ago. Added in stages, with the frog being my contribution. Lasted a good 2 months with people eventually updating the day of the week appropriately.
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u/BigbirdSalsa 14h ago
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u/butt_huffer42069 11h ago
What the fuck is buffalo flour?
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u/BigbirdSalsa 11h ago
We grind up the bones of buffalo and sift it in to a flour which we use for shamanic rituals and daily offerings to the buffalo gods.
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u/JetKusanagi 10+ Years 15h ago
This reminded me of when the servers got a hold of our board and started drawing a bunch of pictures and shit on it. The chef got annoyed and hid all of the markers in his office lol
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u/NCGranny 10h ago
My daughter and her family use theirs for the grocery list.
I was visiting and added " bag of dicks" to the grocery list when no one was looking.
My 11 year old granddaughter got in trouble for it. Hahaha
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u/PhotojournalistOk592 10h ago
In the PNW there's a burger chain called Dick's. I have, in fact, eaten a bag of Dick's
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u/Itonlymatters2us 14h ago
Sales, food cost and labor stats, but maybe we should add an HR\PR nightmares section.
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u/NotTheoVon 12h ago
Candice and Steve hooked up at the Staff party in the bathroom and now this is where we are.
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u/afternoonnapping 14h ago
Nothing inappropriate unfortunately but this made me think of this South Park episode
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u/reluctantlysharing 14h ago
Candace and Steve need to get over themselves and just have sex already.
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u/MaggieMakesMuffins 14h ago
I'm Candice and I'm not sorry. Steve sparkles and it's time for him to face his truth. Xo
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u/jess_lebel24mtf_ct 13h ago
Love how Steve was keeping it real deodorant, dignity,vagisil,she out there going toys toys he's gay . Lmao Steve got her no doubt
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u/Comfortable_Phase944 10h ago
We ended up erasing the end bit bc our prep cook has no sense of humour :(
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u/PoopPant73 15h ago
Steve is beating the brakes off Candice’s vage. He’s got speed bumps and she can’t focus because of her sore “medical” condition….😂
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u/StellarJayZ 14h ago
I gave the person I worked under a ride home, and she asked if I wanted to come up and have a beer. 35 minutes later...
Then I'm like this seems like it may last, so it's up to you if you want our coworkers to know, I don't care if they do either way.
She went with nah, and while we never went past dating she's still my friend and we do a lot of hikes together.
Western Washington, hiking is kind of a big deal here.
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u/J03m0mma 15h ago
I once yell for my Kitchen manager if we had some Vagacil in the First Aid kit. He asked why? I screamed back I wanted to see if we had some Vagacil cause Carlos is being a little bitching about everything. I think his pussy hurts. Every one busted out laughing. Even Carlos and it put the guy in a better mood that shift. 😁😁
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u/NotSpanishInquisitor 11h ago
Scribbled “buy ranch” into “butt ranch” one time and it never got old for some reason
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u/Winterwynd 9h ago
Does anyone else think Candice and Steve just need to fuck and get it out of their systems?
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u/Antique-Coach-214 8h ago
So, Steve and Candice are just passive aggressively fucking with each other every day?
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