Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

[u/MLModBot]

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

[u/greyfox92404]

I imagine that this might sounds strange but I think your reaction is normal.

Most people can't go into an uncomfortable environment with new people without some prep time to emotionally prepare. And an impromptu club outing after a board game meetup with new people is the kind of thing a lot of people need time to mentally prepare for. Especially if you don't club. Or drink. Or know those folks yet. Or know that part of town yet.

That's not to say that you shouldn't feel any specific way about that night. But I don't want you to feel like an alien for having an anxiety spiral after all those impromptu situations.

I'm a dungeon master and have been for a long while. And I've talked about this feeling with one of my fam that's also a DM. I need a social break after DM'ing. Like I'm socially exhausted for the night. I love to DM, I think I'm good at it. But I've spent all my social energy setting the tone for the table and we'll play for 5+ hours. I would not be ok going to an uncomfortable setting with new people after I DM. I'd probably bounce before I spiraled or drank too much to compensate because I know myself by now.

So while I get it, I'd probably feel some way about it too, I hope you don't feel like you did anything wrong.

[u/throwaway135629 → u/greyfox92404]

Thanks, I appreciate your comment. I'm sure it doesn't change anything in the end, but I kind of knew it was coming. I had met up with this group last week, and there was discussion about going out to the real nightlife scene after but nothing materialized - I figured I should be prepared for it to happen again this week, and I was torn all week. It felt like a lose-lose situation, decide not to go out and look "lame" and miss out on bonding with the group, or go out and embarrass myself by being, well, my anxious and awkward self.

You can see I ended up doing the latter. I don't think I necessarily did anything wrong, but I do feel like it was a bit of a bad decision. I'm afraid I ruined things after working up the courage to try to join this new group and failing. And I do resent myself for not being the type of person who can just enjoy clubbing and other normative social activities. I've always been envious of more social people, "normal" people, (I get that I'm doing the incel "normie" thing), and was secretly hoping that some switch in my brain could be flipped and I'd become like them, but I need to let go of that fantasy and accept that I'm a boring, awkward introvert.

[u/mr_mandible → u/throwaway135629]

You don't need to go clubbing if you don't want to. And it's fine to call your sibling when you're upset.

It sounds like you gave it a shot (which did take courage), confirmed it wasn't really your scene, and now in the future you can hang out for board games and peace out if they go to a club again. People generally respect someone who knows what they like and don't like.

And if it makes you feel better, I know plenty of interesting/social people who don't like clubbing (and plenty of boring people who do).

[u/throwaway135629 → u/mr_mandible]

Maybe. I'm not sure I want to go back. I can't go this weekend anyway because I'm out of town for something else, so I guess I have time to think about it. I'm not sure if there's anything else I can do in this town socially. Should've thought about that before I moved here. Should've moved to an actual city instead of a town with three blocks of downtown so even when I bomb socially like this I can just move on and pretend it never happened. It feels like I've ruined my tiny attempt at a social life. Maybe I shouldn't be social.