r/MensLib • u/futuredebris • 16d ago
The cure for male loneliness is feminism. Seriously.
https://makemenemotionalagain.substack.com/p/the-cure-for-male-loneliness-is-feminismCurious your thoughts! I wrote about how the answer to male loneliness is caring, and how caring is really, really hard. Especially for those of us who’ve been socialized as men. We’ve been told that anything outside of going to work or optimizing ourselves by lifting weights, sitting in ice baths, and pounding creatine isn’t worth much. That caring for others isn’t a “productive” or “efficient” use of our time. That someone else will always end up doing it. That we’re not supposed to do it because women are naturally, biologically designed for it and we’re not (which is untrue). That if we do it, we’re less valuable, like a woman, less of a man. But showing up and caring is both good for other people and us. We have to do more of it.
38
u/Nuclear_Geek 15d ago
I'm afraid this is based on a fundamentally false premise:
I speak from bitter experience that showing up for other people, actively and regularly is not a cure for loneliness. In the short term, it can make you feel better, and make you feel part of something bigger than yourself. But you know what happens if you show up to help, actively and regularly? You get taken for granted. To reiterate a common complaint, you're only valued for what you do, not who you are. And when you do it regularly, those you're helping often feel less need to connect with you - after all, you're the reliable guy, you'll always show up. No need to bother making an effort to keep you engaged or care how you feel about things, you're going to be there regardless.