r/MensLib • u/futuredebris ​ • 20d ago

The cure for male loneliness is feminism. Seriously.

https://makemenemotionalagain.substack.com/p/the-cure-for-male-loneliness-is-feminism

Curious your thoughts! I wrote about how the answer to male loneliness is caring, and how caring is really, really hard. Especially for those of us who’ve been socialized as men. We’ve been told that anything outside of going to work or optimizing ourselves by lifting weights, sitting in ice baths, and pounding creatine isn’t worth much. That caring for others isn’t a “productive” or “efficient” use of our time. That someone else will always end up doing it. That we’re not supposed to do it because women are naturally, biologically designed for it and we’re not (which is untrue). That if we do it, we’re less valuable, like a woman, less of a man. But showing up and caring is both good for other people and us. We have to do more of it.

3.4k Upvotes

82% Upvoted

547 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

2

u/Nillavuh ​ 19d ago

Why, exactly, do you think this would help?

2

u/greyfox92404 ​ 19d ago

Because it would allow you the choice in whether my comments should still be viewable vs relying on my choice. That you can weigh if my comments would serve as a harmful reminder since their comments are deleted.

It would be easier to remove my comments and ignore your words and I'm trying to instead lean on your guidance.

1

u/Nillavuh ​ 18d ago

You seem to have answered some question that I never asked you. You appear to have answered something like

Why did you give me comment-controlling privileges?

when what I asked you was

Why do you think this would help?

I think the confusion here is because, sadly, you set the poor guy aside when you read my question and don't seem to care about him anymore, so I'll add a word that should clarify what I am asking you:

Why do you think this would help HIM?

I don't even understand the rest of what you're saying here. "my comments would serve as a harmful reminder..." a reminder of what, to whom? You are somehow making this super weird and way more complicated than it needs to be. Like why are you going to such great lengths to avoid just saying sorry to the guy?

2

u/greyfox92404 ​ 18d ago

I know you can't know this but when he reached out to me directly in a private message yesterday, I expressed that I could not possibly know him in the way that he knows himself and that I was sorry. That was before our conversation.

He shared some details about himself that I won't be sharing, but it was clear to me that my continued conversation with him isn't helping him feel better. That's not in an effort to set him aside, that's me recognizing I'm just making it worse for him. I don't plan on reaching out to them again and I think both of us understand that would probably only make it worse.

And I get there's probably nothing I can say that's going to make you feel better about me, that's okay too.

As this relates to our topic on hand, my first instinct when someone tells me that my words has caused them somewhat of stress or grief, is to delete them. So there's not a reminder of that conversation. I also imagine there's some value in leaving my words up so that you can critique them and point out my failings.

Given that any choice I make would inherently be in service to myself, I wanted to offer that choice to you.

-1

u/Nillavuh ​ 18d ago

Well, maybe it is time to learn how to make decisions on your own that are for the benefit of others, without needing them to do that for you. If you're genuinely at a loss as to how to do something that you think will help someone else, I think you really need to work on that about yourself, my man.

I mean for real I also find it odd that you don't seem to have the slightest clue how to get this guy in your good graces, or mine. I've never had this problem, ever, with anyone, because I take the time and make the effort to get to know people, understand them, and know what sorts of things they appreciate and what works for them. It baffles me that you don't know how to do this, and it baffles me even more that you'd willingly hold this position of power and authority, with plenty of influence, without knowing how to do this.