r/MensLib • u/MLModBot ​ • 10d ago

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

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u/insane677 ​ 10d ago

Wishing I had a cute girl who I could buy nice things for.

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u/DameyJames ​ 10d ago edited 9d ago

Most girls don’t want nice things as much as they want someone who makes them laugh, has passion, communicates clearly and genuinely, and is generally compassionate and kind.

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u/insane677 ​ 9d ago

I do all of that and they just want me as a friend.

Don't mind me, man. I'm just in a shit mood today.

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u/DameyJames ​ 9d ago

There’s no magic combination for chemistry unfortunately, just things that improve the odds. Best advice I can give is just keep working on yourself for your own growth and try to earnestly foster friendships with women that have zero ulterior motives beyond that which you may also already be doing. It’s a weird time to be dating though

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u/miguel-styx ​ 9d ago

they just want me as a friend

Unless they are exploiting you then buy nice things for them, you get to know a lot more about women when they are friends, surround yourself with women in your life who want the best of you regardless of whether they are romantically into you or not. They are really good practice on what kind of a person you are looking for.

Don't fret about your cute girl, she will be there for you in time.

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u/insane677 ​ 9d ago

I keep hearing that but I'm almost 30 and it hasn't happend.

I've had great friendships with women. I value them greatly and I'd do anything for them. I don't try to befriend women just to get in their pants, incase that wasn't clear.

But so many times I meet a girl and I think something may happen and nothing does. It's like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football.

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u/miguel-styx ​ 9d ago

I think something may happen and nothing does

It's okay if nothing happens, moy tovarishch, my current girlfriend did not think so either, affection just grew among us, and where came affection, came in desire. It's true that intentionality plays a role in the pursuit of it too, but the kind of expectation of transactions in relationships gives an impression of many that the world owes you that kind of romance, even if personally you have no intention to do so.

Also, things fizzling into nothing is a natural part of this process, desire is after all is extremely complicated: it shifts and changes, what you want may not be what she wants, you may want physical comfort and companionship and she might want emotional security and safety which is why it's equally important to expose yourself to degrees of relationships, because it teaches you what you want and what you can provide, no matter how exhausting it is. Do not have faith in the expectation of transactions, work on what can you provide. You're working on the muscles of emotions, they will be tiring at times, but you know you will come back stronger.

It's like losing weight: I know this, because personally I struggle with diabetes. The meds, the investments, the exercises and the dedication is exhausting. Sometimes I just want to sit on the bed and think of not doing things, but is the investment worth it? Fuck yeah! There's more to life in living than in the dead, you might feel stuck now, but it cannot be forever if you keep on pushing, I keep pushing because I know being healthy is important, being confident is the most rewarding.