r/Mindfulness • u/buttdookieboy • 2d ago
Question I feel empty and I need advice
I sound SO nihilistic. But it’s how I’ve felt in the past two months.
I’ve always kind of been a fun, easygoing and energetic person. I know it’s against basically every rule ever to say my age online, but I’m 15, and I think that it’s really important to provide that information since I don’t know if it’s hormones or just genuine sadness. Also I kind of need advice from people who are or used to be my age, so there you go.
I have a loving family and really great friends. I’m not that insecure of my looks. I don’t hate myself or anything. I just can’t pinpoint why I feel this way and it’s so frustrating not knowing the root of it all. A year ago, I was being bullied really heavily, which made my mental health decline. At least then I had a reason to be sad. Now I feel super guilty about feeling like that again, cause I think I don’t deserve to be sad. I barely have any thoughts now, and when I do, they’re just in the back of my head and I don’t feel them. Music doesn’t make me inspired anymore and inspirational movies barely do anything. Which is weird, cause I’ve always been the type of person to feel everything all the time.
There’s a huge chance the cause could be social media? I think? At the same time, I barely use it and my screen time has been the same for 5 years. Nothing has changed in the real world but in my head it feels like I’m angry and sad all the time with no real reason. I don’t feel like a kid anymore and it’s terrifying. I’ve known since I was a kid that I should cherish my time as a kid (and teenager) since they’re special. I don’t ever want to be an adult and it feels like I’m becoming one. Clearly I’m not though, since that’s an immature thought.
I want my energetic self back but she feels like an entirely different person when I describe her. I feel like she’s gone forever and I don’t wanna be this shell of a person for the rest of my life
(For all the people who will say ‘talk to a friend or family’ I kinda can’t. I’m not gonna expand on that cause oops privacy…but yeah just keep in mind I would rather not)
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u/gclup64 1d ago
hey, 25F here and i relate to your post. esp feeling like i dont deserve to feel sad bc of all the good things in my life like a loving family and great friends. first of all, you’re extremely intelligent to be reflecting at this level at your age. so when you’re capable of mental gymnastics, our brains can turn that against us. just keep that in mind. also, there’s so much more to learn and explore in this world that you probably don’t even know about yet. there’s something out there that will speak to your inner child/ true self and spark new passion, there’s people out there who will surprise you and help you grow too. i’m a firm believer that our society (at least in the US but mostly everywhere) has been designed to separate us from our communities and make us feel empty, useless, alone. don’t let the daily hustle bring you down, especially with how challenging school is nowadays too. read about growth mindset— for real, even if you’re rolling your eyes at that, it helps you realize there are other ways of interacting with the world and interpreting your own experiences. btw, you’re right to think social media and hormones are contributing factors here, however it’s almost always never any 1 thing that’s the problem. it’s a combination of many things, and maybe the previous experience of being bullied is still weighing on you too. give yourself the compassion you need, and maybe seek out a counselor or therapist if you can. just talking to a trusted adult (esp a professional, who knows the best practices) can be a huge relief. breathe, take it one day at a time, and you’ll be okay. good luck :-)
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u/AdIll2552 2d ago
Do you like the Ocean? Image life as a tide riding against a shore. You will experience many rises and falls so long as you remain true to your feelings.
This current sensation is but one of many that equate to a well loved and understood life. Don't shy away from the onset of something different. The new sensation will remain as long as you resist it and will grow in vileness if you leave the sensation unaddressed. Like a pebble in your sandal, dont walk with iot there longer then nessesary. Address the pebble. discard it in a thoughtful place. (not in the other sandal) and move on with your most desired activity.
Also if you need a long term copiong friend who others would never suspect take up the pass time of calling yourself a "writer" and when ever you have a strong sensation then go to your jurnal and write down the feelings. Others who pry wont want to read it and it will appear your doing your own thing. If you must keep your cards close to your chest id suggest confiding via some avenue by means of being anonomus.
I as a respondent do not need to know your age and gender, all I need to know is that your reporting is honest and truly at the heart of your matter. I as a rando on the internet extend support but understand this: the best friend you will ever have, if you past and future self. No lie. not one other person in the universe will wash you, feed, you, love you, like you can. Do not discredit these relationships with your other temporal selves, they are important and you believe in them and they in you. And they too have emotions like you once did and you will again.
Never allow others to poison the well you use to drink from within. it is pure for you and no other person.
Be well, and if it is ever too great know your heart is still beating and it will never give in! You and your heart, you got every day you will ever face and you will be a greater entity for it!
-OwowA
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u/Spiritual-Seat-1901 1d ago
Find an outdoor hobby! Get a cool camera, go on nature walks, and take pictures of flowers and moss and bugs and mushrooms. Or start collecting rocks, pick flowers and press them, just lay in the grass and watch the clouds. Nature nature nature. I think that’s a good place to start. Remember who you really are. Get back to the simplicity. Your roots. Remember that you’re alive, just like the grass and the trees and the birds. Breathe the fresh air. Watch the sun set. Jump in puddles. Cry with the rain. Remember what’s real. ❤️
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u/FreedomStack 1d ago
I get what you’re describing, it’s scary when you don’t feel like yourself anymore. Sometimes it isn’t about one big cause, but about how drained your mind has become over time. Even small steps like journaling, walking without your phone, or just sitting quietly with your thoughts can help you reconnect with yourself little by little.
I read something in The Quiet Hustle newsletter about how losing your spark doesn’t mean it’s gone forever, it’s usually just buried under noise and exhaustion. That really resonated with me. You’re not broken, you’re just in a season where your mind needs gentleness and patience.
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u/Jessibrowny 1d ago
What you’re going through is very common at your age, caught between childhood and adulthood. Feeling empty doesn’t mean you’ve lost yourself forever it means you’re in a transition, still figuring out who you are.
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u/twofrieddumplings 2d ago
32F here. I can relate to not wanting to grow up at your age — and not wanting to confide in others. There are many stuck feelings that you’re not allowing yourself to feel or process because you don’t even feel safe enough to tell people about. I know the times I regret telling others about my thoughts and then being judged for them. In fact because of my inability to keep my thoughts to myself, I was made to see social workers and shrinks, taking time away from school. It’s not a good feeling especially for an ambitious student like I was.
Since we are on the mindfulness sub, let’s take a small step. Take things one thing at a time. At 15 there’s still a lot of the world and yourself that you haven’t explored yet.
Growing up I was told never to be my own boss because of all the business failures in my family, At 15 I was under the impression that I will just keep going to school and stay in the rat race. But it all changed when I was 16 and discovered the world of e-commerce and the entrepreneurial bug has been with me ever since. Mind you, I still went to college, but with the understanding that my degree doesn’t 100% determine my future. A lot of my fellow students in my major (math) went on to become teachers exclusively. But I’ve worked in several industries, including education and tech. It’s true that I’d wanted to be an academic but when my grades weren’t good enough, I didn’t hesitate to pivot to computer science and learn AI back in the 2010’s. Nobody has it all figured out, not even public figures, but they do have a direction and they set goals to achieve.
Also, in case no one’s told you, the only constant in life is change. Instead of mulling over a bubbly self whom you feel like is gone forever, it’s okay to rebuild yourself from the ashes and put one foot in front of the other. All you need to do is to be open to receiving it. It won’t be the old you but it’s going to be a better you. Stay grounded. Remember to breathe. You will make it through.