I have turned all my joys into obligations, and I feel stuck. How do I reset my thinking?

[u/Playful_Lecture7784]

Hey all.

First off, a very quick short-form backstory; I lost my job in October of last year and aside from one two-week stint at a call center, I've been jobless since. Money hasn't been an issue thanks to my fiancee, but finding meaning has been.

I find that over this past year I have re-worked my hobbies and joys to fill the void that the "obligation" of work has left;

-I no longer just play a video game because I want to, there has to be a reason; is it a game I bought a while ago and havent? Is it a new game that I don't want to see go unfinished? These should take priority over playing games "just because I want to"

-I can't start a new TV show or book without overthinking it as an obligation; how long is the series? Am I willing to commit to that? If not, I am unable to start.

-I can't do things like go for walks without there being a motive; I should be trying to be active to lose weight. I should run an errand while out. etc. etc.. It's never a walk for its own sake.

-I rarely indulge in my art anymore because I feel like I should be trying to do something "productive" with it; take commissions, make money, or work on projects that tie into obligations from other hobbies (I play D&D weekly and am the "storyteller" figure, so I feel like time spent making art that isnt related to the stories I tell is wasted, for instance)

I've turned everything from a joy, into an obligation. Everything has to have a motive. I no longer feel like I am capable of just "doing" things for enjoyment, I feel wasteful doing that. I keep telling myself I need to relax, but when I do, I pick up one of the above joys of mine and just.. overthink it.

I overthink it all. The world is a scary place right now, and without getting too political about it, every time I go out I wonder what kind of things I'll see; what kind of people will I run into? Will they want to harm me because I was born different? Do I need to be ready for that? Everything is thought through to every frightening conclusion.

I know mindfulness will help, I just don't know where to begin, and how to approach it... for me. Not as an obligation, like homework, but like something to actually help me. I just don't know how to dismantle this "everything needs to have a goal, an endgame, a strict adherence" mindset.

I could use some pointers from people who maybe read this and think "I've been there." I hope I can gleam some wisdom from you all <3

Thanks for reading this far

[u/MindfulnessForHumans]

Hi there, I like to teach people to completely delete the word should from your life, and replace it with "want", or I want to. If you don't like something, stop doing it or try to reconnect with the underlying reason that you want to do it, or the reason that you started doing it. If this still resonates with you, you may continue with this activity. If it doesn't, then consider reconnecting with yourself, and starting over with new things that bring you joy.

If you'd like a free 5 week mindfulness-based coaching program, I have 2 open slots left currently, which realistically are gone at any time. Feel free to let me know if you're interested!

[u/Playful_Lecture7784 → u/MindfulnessForHumans]

Thanks for your response. It gives me a lot to think about, since I DO tend to think of my daily events in terms of what I SHOULD be doing, and can't really remember the last time I chose to do what I WANT (even in like... subsequent steps. Like I would say I WANT to go for a walk, but went in with the mentality that I SHOULD do X, Y, and Z during the walk because I SHOULD be getting these things done)

I appreciate your offer for the coaching program but unfortunately I'll have to decline. The 5 week freebie is very generous, however I have absolutely zero income and would not be able to go beyond that, which would I think impact how I react to it all mentally, knowing it was limited.

I'm sure you'll find others in no time though :) again, thanks for your kind advice.

[u/MindfulnessForHumans → u/Playful_Lecture7784]

I'm super glad it helped you!

About the program, I totally understand. I would not try to upgrade you to paid at all. The total intervention is free, and planned for 5 weeks. It would be purely for charity and training purposes for me as a coach!

(If anyone else is interested, I currently have 2 slots open still!)

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