r/Mommit • u/Defiantly_Resilient • 6d ago
How to balance a clean house and a happy house
So for background, I grew up in a house that should have been condemned and CPS should have removed my sisters and I.
That being said, I now am struggling to find a balance between a clean house and a happy house. I obviously struggle with keeping the house clean because of my childhood, so keeping up with everything is difficult. I find myself acting like a drill Sargent with my 6yr old and sometimes even my husband.
I work full time so weekends are usually when we do our cleaning up from the week. Again, because of my childhood I am very anxious and stressed about the house turning into the dump I lived in before. So I am probably more intense than others at times.
Does anyone have tips, ideas or schedules they use to keep the house tidy with losing their minds ? I don't want to be a drill Sargent, how do I make cleaning the least painful? I would appreciate and welcome all thoughts and help on the subject. Im literally starting fresh and have no idea how to do this
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u/FattyMcButterpants__ 5d ago
What has helped me was becoming more minimal. The less stuff I have the easier it is to keep order. And even when it’s messy everything has a home so easy to put it up instead of stuffing it somewhere.
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u/bloop-bloop-bloop- 6d ago
I like the idea of a schedule. Then your brain can know it will get clean and when, while the rest of you can enjoy being in the new better happy life you've made for yourself.
You are not your parents. It is going to be different because you are making it different. Even if you let a few things go here and there, you won't let it be how it was when you didn't have any control over it.
I grew up with moldy dishes in the sink and a broken refrigerator sitting in the middle of the kitchen and a bathroom floor that was spotted black. My daughter will never. But I still just pick up the clutter at the end of the day and wipe counters in the morning because I spend my time with my family when I can. There's balance. You'll find it if you keep looking.
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u/Defiantly_Resilient 6d ago
Thank you for this, it can be overwhelming when your worried about repeating the past.
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u/Olives_And_Cheese 5d ago
It's not very scientific, but I have a sort of... Rating system for the rooms in the house in terms of cleanliness importance, and I try not to dip underneath those scores, but I'm not going to stress if I don't rise above them.
For example, the kitchen I like to keep at least a 7/10 cleanliness score. Bins need doing, food can't be left out, and counters should be clear. But sometimes the dishwasher gets backed up, sometimes the sponges need cleaning/replacing, sometimes the hob needs doing. But as long as it remains 7/10, meh, I'll get to it.
Bathroom is an 8/10; it's smaller and easier to keep clean than the kitchen, and can be a lot grosser if not dealt with.
Husband's study 0/10 - not my problem.
Daughter's bedroom 6/10 - she needs a clean space, but her toys being perfectly tidy is only so high up the priority list
My bedroom 3/10 - used to be my pride and joy, but it's just somewhere I collapse at nighttime.
Living room - 7/10; guests see it, we spend the most time there.
Basically... It's all about setting realistic expectations and goals, and not stressing too much if everything's not a 10/10. If I can go into my living room and think 'This is about 75% clean' then I'm done - I can chill out 😅.
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u/Mother_of_Gingers11 5d ago
Omg this is exactly what my brain has worked out but I’ve never been able to put into words. Priorities definitely help😂😂
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u/AbjectSwan99 6d ago
As someone who witnessed very different standards of living between my mom and dad after their divorce — and saw my moms stress over cleaning and keeping up as a single mom, and my dads mental illness on show in his chaotic home — I relate to you hard. My mom never made keeping house look effortless or enjoyable and my dad made messes look like a bad symptom.
I do not keep a tidy house all the time but I’m on the path there and hoping to have happiness in our home too, as I also don’t want to make cleaning pathological and stress y or else an aversion for my kids…
I have found that finishing up school lunches in the morning allows me to focus on cleaning up at that time of day, setting a nice scene to come home to. Not always possible but sometimes it is and I love that.
My husband was away for a week and I kept my house and routine so well because we had fewer distractions/outings and kept to a decent bedtime. I learned a few things:
When my mom came over she would unload the dishwasher for me. So now I ask my husband to do this, leaving the machine available to fill when I find the energy/or whenever anyone has a dirty plate that needs a home out of sight!
When I do the final half of bedtime my husband walks the dog and rinses and stacks the dishes.
I still offload laundry to grandparents whenever possible because — partly — my freaking washing machine is tiny and inefficient / ancient.
We also decided to invest in storage for our basement (off marketplace or other) so we can really ensure everything has a place.
I’m pregnant and know I’ll be drowning if I don’t get to that place before baby!
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u/duskydaffodil 5d ago
I downloaded an app called Todoist, it’s a widget on my Home Screen so anytime I open my phone I see it. My husband has it on his too. I know the things I need to get done every day, dishes, tables/counters, vacuuming, tidy clutter, wash/dry/put away one load of laundry. So I have those set to occur daily. Then I have weekly things repeating on different days during the week. Dust, toilets, bathroom counters/mirrors, wipe appliances/cabinets. Then I have every other week or once a month like mopping, showers/tubs, dust lights/ceiling fans. I have much more on my list but this has been helpful for me.
I also have to tell myself “it’s okay if the house is messy today. If there’s toys everywhere, laundry piling up, or dishes in the sink. I spent my time making sure we have a clean bathtub to use” because sometimes those tasks are just time consuming! Sometimes I get so caught up in day to day mess clean up that I don’t get to deeper cleans. But setting it for a certain day a month gives you a deadline, and whenever you’re thinking “ugh the shower is gross” you know it’s not a today problem, it’s a 20th of the month problem.
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u/writermcwriterson 5d ago
Honestly, we hire a cleaning service to come once a month. They do a thorough job, and it's much easier to stay on top of everything in between. It's a small luxury, but one I'm very willing to work an extra couple of hours during the month for.
Beyond that, I vacuum Monday mornings (right after dropping my 2 YO at daycare, before starting my work-from-home day) and wipe down bathrooms Saturday mornings. At bedtime, we take turns: one of us leads bedtime while the other does dishes and straightens up any clutter. We tend to clean up the kitchen and messes immediately so they don't get worse or pile up.
We also decluttered a TON, so there's less stuff to get messy, and it makes everything feel more manageable.
Our daughter is only two, but we're starting to involve her in cleaning as part of the household so it's a habit. She knows she has to clean up her toys and books before naptime and bedtime, so we sing a song and she does it without hesitation. She's also starting to try to "help" wipe up messes and spills. That one's definitely a work in progress, but she'll get there.
Overall, we don't have a militantly clean house, but I've accepted that it's a losing battle with a toddler and that's ok for this season in our lives. It's tidy and I'm not embarrassed if friends or neighbors drop by - what little mess they may see is totally reasonable in a house with small children. There are only so many hours in the day, and it's more important that we get to spend time together and that she grows up with less stressed parents.
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u/Next_Firefighter7605 5d ago
Prioritize the kitchen and bathrooms. But the second most important thing is tidying at the end of the day. Never let it get really bad and overwhelming.
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u/PureImagination1921 5d ago
My tip is relax your standards and do as much as you possibly can during the work week, even though it makes for long days. There’s nothing more valuable than precious family time on the weekends and you don’t want to waste your 52 Saturdays a year cleaning - that doesn’t make memories, and if you’re feeling like a drill sergeant, it also doesn’t make for a calm atmosphere. Chip away at the must-dos during the workweek instead.
If you can hire a cleaner, that could also be a great option.
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u/QueenInTheNorth2020 5d ago
I don’t have kids yet and my parents house were fine growing up. However I have extreme ADHD and NEED to have the house clean and organize for my mental health. So I do that. I don’t care that others find it extreme. My husband understands and that’s all that matters. I keep things minimal. Every little thing has a place to go (a drawer/basket/shelf). If something doesn’t serve a purpose I declutter it, even if it’s a gift from a friend. I have no experience with kids toys but nobody needs a ton of stuff, not even kids. Kids stiff can go in designated bins/shelves as well I guess. If it takes less than 5 minutes to clean up/put away then I do it/get it dine immediately and not left for later. Do what brings you peace. Other people’s opinions don’t matter.
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u/Sonja80147 5d ago
I was never a near freak until I had kids. I think I’m so overstimulated I crave calm everywhere else. So I feel you!
It’s critical hubby helps out. For me, things got better when I accepted he doesn’t do his fair share. That sounds weird. He actually does a lot, but my standards are higher. There was a lot of tension when I held him to that.
I’ve learned to get up early. Like, real early. 4-5am. What doesn’t get done the night before gets done in the morning. Then I feel good about leaving for work and coming home.
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u/Apprehensive_Egg9182 6d ago
Recommend the book How to Keep House While Drowning to get started for some practical tips for when things are hard.
Edit: spelling fix in book title