r/RomanceWriters • u/Awkward-Ad2224 • 8d ago
BIPOC and diversity
I'm totally new with reddit and writing. Please give me direction and advise. I have a BIPOC secondary character, Celeste, and I want to be respectful and realistic. Can you please tell me if the following passage is real/insulting/not there yet?
"But back at the table, no one had missed a thing. From the moment Vikram approached, Hal and Celeste had watched every beat of the exchange without even pretending to give privacy. Hal sat back with his arms crossed, smirk tugging at his mouth, watching like a man who already knew the spoilers and was just here for the bloopers.
Celeste leaned forward instead, elbows planted, chin cradled in her palms like a front-row seat to a K-drama. Her eyes sharp, tracking every glance, every ping-pong back and forth, sipping it all like tea she had no intention of keeping to herself later.
Together, they bore witness to every word, every smile, every subtle turn of power at the table, an audience of two, riveted.
Now, watching Vikram’s back as he walked away, Celeste couldn’t resist. “His back is even foineee!” She stated without lowering her voice, leaning off her seat and craning her neck to follow his form."
2
u/Arthur_Frane 8d ago
First glance, I think you are on the right track. I say this as a white man in America, so grain of salt and all that.
The line about "tea she had no intention of keeping to herself" does, however, read a bit like an attempt at sounding Black. I would get a sensitivity reader who speaks AAVE natively, and can help you write more authentically.
1
u/Insecure_Egomaniac Author 7d ago
How secondary is Celeste? This seems to be a lot of paragraphs following her very closely. Despite that, I don’t see anything to indicate her race, unless you’re saying she’s Black because she used the word “foine”. Other races use that word.
1
u/charm_city_ 6d ago
Hi! Speaking as a white writer who writes interracial romance, the advice that helped me: 1- read books by non-white writers and notice what words and descriptions they use and don't use 2- carefully read some blog posts and articles by non-white writers on this topic, especially in regards to skin, eyes, and dialogue, 3- for references to race, skin color, other physical characteristics make sure you refer to everyone's skin color (etc) or hair texture, not just the non-white characters, and refer to it equally, not putting in extra references for non-white characters and 4- pay a sensitivity reader, they may give you tough love, and I got plenty, but the lessons carry over to future works.
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u/leesha226 8d ago
Tough love, this needs work before getting to the representation of Celeste.
The second paragraph is very muddled. The first simile is incomplete and currently reads as if her palms are the front row seat. Her eyes are tracking and sipping in the same sentence and the use of tea is clunky.
I'm guessing the bit you are actually asking about is the dialogue; you've given no information on the race, age or location of the characters, nor the timeframe this is set in, so any advice is going to be thin at best.
That said, I assume Celeste is meant to be a Black American of some age in a relatively modern setting.
Within that framing, and the small amount we have, she seems heavily stereotyped and her dialogue is grammatically incorrect (and yes, I mean AAVE grammar).
If you want her to be more than a caricature, you are probably going to need to do a lot of research, and find someone to do a very thorough sensitivity read.