BIPOC and diversity

[u/Awkward-Ad2224]

I'm totally new with reddit and writing. Please give me direction and advise. I have a BIPOC secondary character, Celeste, and I want to be respectful and realistic. Can you please tell me if the following passage is real/insulting/not there yet?

"But back at the table, no one had missed a thing. From the moment Vikram approached, Hal and Celeste had watched every beat of the exchange without even pretending to give privacy. Hal sat back with his arms crossed, smirk tugging at his mouth, watching like a man who already knew the spoilers and was just here for the bloopers.

Celeste leaned forward instead, elbows planted, chin cradled in her palms like a front-row seat to a K-drama. Her eyes sharp, tracking every glance, every ping-pong back and forth, sipping it all like tea she had no intention of keeping to herself later.

Together, they bore witness to every word, every smile, every subtle turn of power at the table, an audience of two, riveted.

Now, watching Vikram’s back as he walked away, Celeste couldn’t resist. “His back is even foineee!” She stated without lowering her voice, leaning off her seat and craning her neck to follow his form."

[u/leesha226]

Tough love, this needs work before getting to the representation of Celeste.

The second paragraph is very muddled. The first simile is incomplete and currently reads as if her palms are the front row seat. Her eyes are tracking and sipping in the same sentence and the use of tea is clunky.

I'm guessing the bit you are actually asking about is the dialogue; you've given no information on the race, age or location of the characters, nor the timeframe this is set in, so any advice is going to be thin at best.

That said, I assume Celeste is meant to be a Black American of some age in a relatively modern setting.

Within that framing, and the small amount we have, she seems heavily stereotyped and her dialogue is grammatically incorrect (and yes, I mean AAVE grammar).

If you want her to be more than a caricature, you are probably going to need to do a lot of research, and find someone to do a very thorough sensitivity read.

[u/Awkward-Ad2224 → u/leesha226]

I'm grateful for all the feedback! Thank you!

[u/pentaclethequeen → u/Awkward-Ad2224]

And to add to the previous commenter, please understand that BIPOC is not a catch-all for all people who aren’t white. It’s very concerning to me that you’re asking for feedback on a “BIPOC” character but didn’t think to give us their race, nationality, or anything. This makes me feel you think we’re all the same and we’re not.

[u/Awkward-Ad2224 → u/pentaclethequeen]

I'm very sorry. You're right. I need to do some character development before jumping in. Creative writing has a lot of researching and dimension development that I had no idea was required. Definitely not just sitting down with a typewriter!