I am in my early 30s. I wasted my 20s stuck in my head, not getting out of comfort zone and being stagnant in life, just working.

I am 32 now, and want to experience what people in their 20s experience - making new friends, going on fun dates, partying, growing out of my comfort zone.

However, I also have my own responsibilities, which includes caring for my family, getting married, working hard for my career.

I wish I didn’t waste my 20s, with no drive and addicted to porn.

Is it even possible to experience 20s or should I just move on and focus on being 30?

I couldnt do it anymore. Rotting in bed, day after day, week after week, month after month.

I felt burnt out, even tho, i was just laying in my bed scrolling away. All the interests i once had were gone. Nothing excited me anymore. Not even the scrolling, thats so trained at tickling the last bit of emotion out of me could make my heart beat faster.

One day, i took a real hard look in the mirror: Underweight, scrawny, untrained..

I need to change, i cant stand seeing myself slowly losing that spark that i once had, but what should i do?

At the next family gathering, i met my older sister again. We talked about our future goals and what we were up to. When i mentioned that i had no future goals and that i wasnt even doing something with my life, she looked at me worried. She knew as much as i did, that i suffered from my lifestyle.

„Go to the army“ … „what?“

„you heard me, go to the army.“

i looked at her confused, but then remembered that she did a year there right after school.

She then told me to try it out, it helped her alot. Having nothing to lose, i trusted her blindly. So i applied.

And guys, let me tell you, it was GROUNDBREAKING for me.

The structuring of my day, 24/7, 5 days a week was GAMECHANGING. I didnt have much time to waste on the phone and even when i did have time, i didnt feel the need anymore!!

But how??

Having some kind of authority around you 24/7 helped me immensly focusing on my newly found goals. And that carried over into my life after the military.

I imagined a „drill seargant“ to command me to do things that i dislike doing. And trust me, you dont want to disobey.

I understand, not everybody wants to go to the military just to get their life back together, but you can still use the authority „hack“.

After some time passed, the effect got weaker, so i had to find someone or something to help me stay on focus and get sh*t done when i didnt feel like doing it, and luckily i found a solution. You can use AI/Programs/apps that hold you accountable, some even offer real life consequences!!

So. Go to the military folks, it works. Or get a digital drill seargant, works aswell.

I recently watched a video lecture from an MIT professor who said your ability to speak, write and the quality of your thoughts are going to determine your life. And yes in that order too. Here is how you can implement them in your life.

Speaking : Your articulation, how you express what you have to say, how you communicate your feelings and with how much eloquence and confidence you are able to say it to others. This is the most important skill you can work on for your self improvement journey. I have been very fascinated by speaking and the power of storytelling and have made it a practice to do it on a daily basis and it has been great. I have improved at conveying what I have to say by a lot. As you read this, I am literally conveying my thoughts, experiences and stories. So this is essentially a part of storytelling. Work on how you speak, the best way to do this is to just communicate with other people, this way you make great bonds, and in the process learn how to express yourself. The other way is to come in front of a camera or a mirror everyday and just speak, yes it will suck at first and you might not even like the sound of your voice, but by day 10 you will get used to it and even start observing yourself making great improvements in the way you speak and present yourself.

Writing:  This is as important as speaking, and is very much interrelated to speaking. This sets you up for speaking well because if you can write and express what and how you feel then that is half of the work done, you just need to start small and write whatever. Yes whatever, do not fall for the trap of having to write perfectly, just write whatever comes on your mind at first. This is what journaling is, as a bonus this will definitely clear your mind up and give you similar benefits to meditation (okay, not exactly the same so do not quote me on that.) Either way, this will make your head feel much lighter if you use writing to just express whatever you have in your mind, that is how I started writing 10 years ago and have not left it since, as a result I can formulate my thoughts much better which equals to better clarity of mind, which also equals better thought formulation and expression. You have nothing to lose and everything to win, just start you will love it eventually I promise.

Your thoughts: According to the Stoics, you are essentially your thoughts, so the quality of your thought will literally dictate and guide how you live your life, I am not saying doing these things will give you a permanent sense of nirvana but that you will be able to better navigate through difficult circumstances in your life, as a result of doing these things which will give you a sense of competence, and a healthy sense of trust in yourself. This should lead to better quality of thoughts, and a healthier mind space. Now what you decide to do with it is your choice, and the sky is the limit.

So go out there, learn to speak and write well and the quality of your thoughts will naturally improve. This in turn should lead to a better quality of life, and as for me? These things have largely held true and have worked, not only in terms of tangible results, but also the peace and fulfilment that these habits have given me.

i’m always told i’m pretty and i think i look good in like selfies but then someone takes a full boys photo of me and i look disgusting. i don’t understand and it’s making me very self conscious. pls help

I used to treat time like an enemy always running out, never enough. I tried every hack: Pomodoro, time blocking, strict schedules. None of it lasted.

What finally helped was changing how I related to time:

• I set just two focus anchors each day (one AM, one PM).
• I stopped thinking “I lost an hour” and instead asked, “how did I invest it?”
• If I was wasting time scrolling, I saw it as a signal that I needed rest.

This made time feel like a partner, not something I was fighting against.

I read a line in The Quiet Hustle that stuck with me: “Time expands for what truly matters, and contracts for what doesn’t.” It helped me focus more on intention than control.

Curious, how do you make time feel like it’s working with you instead of against you?

I don’t really want live for just myself.

I don’t feel a desire to be ambitious.

The most I want is to just try stuff. Experiences and aspiring hobbies.

I don’t wanna start a business really.

But apparently it’s not healthy to have your happiness based on someone else. An external source.

I just can’t find happiness within myself.

I’ve worked out. I’ve lost weight. Dieted. I have education and a career. I have friends I hang with tho I’m trying to find ones that want to hang more often.

Ive been working on my health and mental health. Im on psych meds but I haven’t started therapy yet and that appointment isn’t until early September.

But even if I go idk how to even want to live for myself.

I don’t want to. Living is kind of agonizing but somehow I’ve done all of this working on myself but yet I’ve nothing to show for it. And no one to share it with. I don’t feel like I exist. I feel invalid. Dejected by life itself.

I desire to live for someone else. Live vicariously through them… support them.

I am people pleaser because I am scared of conflict. How to stop?

I keep feeling like something is always wrong in my life. There’s always an issue — my job, money, parents, or my boyfriend. I end up exploding over one of these things, especially when my period is about to start.

What makes it harder is that in those four areas, I feel like I still carry a lot of resentment from things that happened in the past.

Does this happen to anyone else? Could it just be hormones?

I’ve been in therapy for about a year and a half, and I feel like I need other alternatives or a different approach.

If you’ve been through something similar, what worked for you?

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” - Mark Twain

I've done numerous things to try to prove to myself I am good at something.

This mainly comes from where I am in life right now. Im 18 years old but I'm very behind most of the people my age. I started working at an overnight stocking position at Walmart but I cannot get the hang of this job. My managers don't like me, literally the other day I was tasked on "zoning" a section and I took very long to do it, and one of my managers saw me and went "you're not done? Holy shit." So I started rushing it and half assing it. Stuff like that has happened all week and I thought that maybe I'm on the right pace and that manager is just an asshole, but now none of my managers like me and my coworkers don't seem to like me either. I've tried talking to a few but they either ignore me or don't really wanna talk.

At that note, ive had 3 other jobs.

I worked at McDonald's recently and I also sucked at that job. I kept it for about a year and half but ended up quitting back in December.

I work at a comic book store right now along with my Walmart position and I've worked at the comic book store for a while. I suck at that comic book job and my boss is very hard on me. He's made it known I'm stupid, fat, retarded and other mean things because I struggle to get my job done without being on my phone or getting distracted by random things. I also struggle to engage in conversation with costumers and struggle to sell them products like I'm supposed to.

When I was 15 I reffed soccer games. The parents constantly yelled at me for making terrible calls and I knew they were terrible calls. I struggled to focus on the game and would zone out or get bored. And then I'd have to make a gut feeling call not even understanding the rules because I was too impatient to learn the rules and read our packet.

But this isn't the only reason I think I'm good at nothing. I reffed soccer because I had also played the sport for 6 years. I was always in the middle of good and bad and it was only because of my speed and size that I was good. I was taller, thinner and faster than most players so I was able to keep up with them and play good defense. But I never had good ball control, never made many goals and obviously struggled to get along with teammates. I ended up quitting the sport back in 2021 after a bunch of unfortunate things happened surrounded out final game. I only got 2 minutes of play time and almost fumbled the whole game in those 2 minutes, I asked a girl out and got rejected really badly, worse than a "no" and I ended up getting in a huge physical fight with my father that night, I lost all taste for the sport and never went back to it.

I've tried NUMEROUS Different hobbies, all of which I've failed to understand, be decent at, or get into

Chess Writing Reading Drawing Video games Video editing Photography Piano Trombone

Theres more but I've tried all of those and I've completely failed all of them.

Recently my physical appearance has fallen too. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and PTSD and during my depressive episodes I don't take care of myself. I eat a lot and I don't shower or brush my teeth or clean my room, I do all that once I get in a better mood. So I'm not even good at the basic human capabilities.

I don't know what to do. I already want to quit my Walmart job which shows my resolve and my ability to push through difficulty but I think about killing myself at work becusse if I'm not good at an entry level Walmart job, will I be good at anything? I feel hopeless I guess.

If anyone has any tips or information on how I can improve my situation that would be nice. If you have questions don't feel afraid to ask either.

Hi everyone,
I'm a Japanese male in my mid-50s, currently on Day 70 of no porn and no masturbation.
At this stage, I wanted to share a direct before-and-after comparison of my body and mental data not to show off, but to offer real-world numbers for men wondering,
"Is it too late to change in your 50s?"

Measured Data: June 22 (Before) → August 31 (Day 70)

Personal Observations

• Testosterone Surge: I felt the strongest hormonal/mental spike around Day 30–50 more assertiveness, confidence, and “drive.” After Day 60, that intensity mellowed out, but I still feel steady and centered.
• Scent / Pheromones: Some people around me have told me I “smell different” lately not in a bad way, just “cleaner.” Personally, I’ve noticed less body odor, especially during sweat. It’s subtle but real.
• Energy & Sleep: My mornings are clear, I fall asleep faster, and I no longer wake up in the middle of the night. This has changed everything productivity, mood, patience.

Closing Thoughts

I’m not doing anything extreme — just avoiding porn and letting my system reset.
No crazy supplements. No intense workouts. Just awareness, consistency, and listening to my body.

If you’re in your 40s or 50s and wondering whether change is still possible…
It absolutely is.

Let your body recalibrate. Give your brain silence.
The results may surprise you.　Happy to answer any questions.

• 10-minutes workout every morning
• 1-2 minutes of cold water at the end of the morning shower
• No more than one or two glasses of alcohol per week
• No processed foods or sugar (except in fruit)

That’s it, simple as that, works like a charm

For context i am a 21M and had always been locked in with myself for self improvement. i have a routine i follow for the past few years, i workout 5-6 days a week constantly, work, and go to college. However i been super isolated besides hanging with one of my friend every other weekend. I had recently lost a friend group due to conflict and had always had people that didn’t seem real to hang around with. For the past month i just am locked in but i feel isolated which doesn’t help. it seems harder to make new friends but i am currently fine with where i am at but i guess mental health and self improvement and putting yourself first is better? anyone can relate or comment on this?

I meditate daily to regulate my nervous system and for me to stay calm in stressful situations. Even if I am sad I meditate and ask for peace. Meditating helps me navigate negativity and other people's energy. What about you?

Hey everyone,

I’m currently trying to teach myself some new topics and I’m wondering what the best tools (or combinations of tools) are right now to support that with AI.

Specifically, I mean situations where I already have my own resources (like PDFs, documentation, notes, etc.) and I’d like to feed them into an AI so I can ask targeted questions about them or dive deeper into research.

I keep seeing options like ChatGPT, NotebookLM, Perplexity, Claude, etc. Some people seem to mix them, others stick to one, and I’m not sure what makes the most sense in practice. Ideally, I’d like something that handles PDFs well, provides solid answers, and maybe even citations/links when possible.

So I’d love to know:

• Which tools do you personally use for self-directed learning?
• Any recommendations for the best way to integrate PDFs or personal notes into AI workflows?
• Do you combine multiple AIs (e.g., ChatGPT + Perplexity), or is one enough?
• Any hidden gems for getting high-quality, reliable material out of AI?

Curious to hear your experiences! 🙌

My family has rarely had much more than indifference towards me.

Most people really like me at first. Find me really engaging and charismatic. Then they grow bored of me after some time. If they stick around they inevitably hate me. Typically for something that randomly happens.

I have had one romantic relationship. She was all I ever needed or wanted. She was then the only lesson I ever needed to know it wasn't for me. Similar to everyone else's interactions with me, we were deeply infatuated with each other for a little over a year. Then she grew bored. Then she started cheating on me. Then left me.

I have never had a meaningful friend. No one would call me their main friend. I'm probably towards the bottom 3 of family members anyone would reach out to or save from a fire. I am fairly certain my ex never actually loved me.

At this point my eyes kind of gloss over as I develop a new relationship with someone. All I see is the timer ticking away towards when they inevitably grow bored of me then either discard me or grow angry.

If I keep up my current financial situation, I'll have full financial independence in about 8 years. Compounding that, I'll be able to buy most things I want in about 15. In other words, after 15 years I'll have all of the things I want that money can buy. If I don't have love or meaningful relationships, what's the point? 30 years from now I'll be living in absolute comfort with absolutely no one to enjoy it with. Literally what is the point of life if I can't find anyone to enjoy it with?

This is one of the main drivers of my suicidal nihilism. There's no point in fun hobbies if there's no one to do them with. No point in a big bed if there's no one to lie next to in it. How do I figure out what's wrong with me? How do I figure out what I'm missing or lacking where people have no more than a fleeting interest in me?

Can you tell me how should I do it? Should I do a day for coding, day for art, and day for music?

Hi there.

Male 36

So something thats been bothering me for a long while is that in general I feel like I'm the black sheep no matter where I go. Hence why I don't really make the effort to make connections and focus on myself...

Years ago I used to be thin (social life was way easier)! Now that I'm at a normal weight / adding some muscle to my frame by all means not jacked but getting there. I feel like I intimidate people just by being there chilling with a resting bitch face.

Now I hardly speak to anyone I mean maybe 1 or 2 people that I know but no friends / girlfriend but I do have my own place and photography is doing well. But social life is crap.

Any advice?...

I improved myself a lot, it’s gotten to a point that I used to be a shut in that everyone was disappointed in, to seeing the life I daydreamed living become something I have to get used to. And all this time I just think “well, there’s millions of people out there like me, I’m not special, I’m not that different”

But I’m just so damn lonely, it’s like I exist in this world that no one else sees.

Yeah I’m ND, thinking differently is almost a guarantee, but people around me are just so amazed with what I have to say. Then there’s art, I study intensely every day, it’s the main thing I always do in my free time and has been for the past 2 years since it gave me a reason to keep going. I can see myself ironing out my issues and starting to have a voice, I have fans of my work now. It’s like more and more though, I can’t relate to most artists I come across. And I get a ton of attention that it gets nauseating.

I thought that working on myself and tearing down my walls would make it easier to find friends and relationships, but it just created new ones. I can’t live the lives that others have, I can’t stop being passionate about art, when it works for me, I can’t stop thinking the way I do and just let it evolve naturally. Almost every issue I run into happens because I didn’t want to accept that I’m different and could have taken the actions taking it into account.

I’m not the main character, I’d hate every second of my life if the world revolved around me, but it feels too egotistical to feel like I’m as great as people say and that I’m just different, I can’t tell if it’s because of my dad’s abuse or unconsciously taking notes when a Redditor pushes me down and I remind myself I bleed like everyone else.

But I really want to stop feeling frozen inside, I don’t know which way to grow. I never thought I’d get this far.

hey everybody i recently turned 21 this august and i need some tips and wisdom from you guys regarding life. i m trying to improve my health so ive been going to the gym while also preparing for cs executive,but sometimes i feel like i m missing out on a lot of things such as going out with friends having fun etc.

whenever i see status of my friends they all seem to be enjoying while i m stuck in my routine ngl i do feel bad ive never been to parties(strict parents) nor had drinks.my own brother has so many friends goes on random trips with his car etc. I wanna do all these things too but it wont be happening cuz my parents wont allow me to stay overnight anywhere so i m trying to uplift my physical strength and overall fitness so that i can go for one day trekking and similar stuff. how to navigate life further?what should be the balance and priority....i want to make my career but have fun too.

i m lucky in one regard though, i have an amazing boyfriend he's my peace and i feel so lucky to have him honestly he motivates me soo much he is my first boyfriend and we're gonna marry after a few years too.

how to enjoy my 20s to the fullest without comprising studies?and how to make friends😭

Since childhood, my family has had this belief that whenever we planned something in advance, it always failed. Because of that, my mother always told me: 'If you plan or think too much about something ahead of time, it won’t work out.'

I grew up hearing this and saw it happen often, so now I avoid making plans or visualizing my goals because I’m afraid they’ll fail.

The problem is, everywhere I read and hear that planning, visualizing, and setting goals is important for success. But my mind automatically resists because of what I was taught.

How can I break out of this mindset and start planning without fear?

Write down just one thing you’re grateful for each night.
It trains your brain to notice positives, lowers stress, and improves sleep over time.
Simple, but surprisingly powerful.

I’ve spent most of my 29 years believing I wasn’t a good person. I’ve always had good intentions, but I never really felt like I did enough to deserve feeling good about myself.

Since I was young, people have called me kind, harmless, and nice. For a long time, I just accepted those words because it was easier than facing how I actually saw myself. Deep down, I thought of myself as a coward. Nonconfrontational. A fraud.

I’ve carried that feeling into different parts of my life, even my relationships. I’ve been through three of them, and each one failed. Part of me always wondered if I was the reason, if being this version of myself was never enough.

I still find it extremely hard sometimes. But I still try. And I keep asking myself where i am just a nonconfrontational coward, or am I a genuinely empathetic person with the capability for kindness? I don’t know. Should I care? I don’t know.

Yes, the kindness in me is real. I’ve always known that. But I never valued it. I hated myself for a long time, and if I’m honest, a part of me still does.

Today felt different though. A few small things happened that made me realize something I’ve never let myself believe. I am a good person. I can help people. I can make things a little better. And that counts for something.

From this point on, I feel a natural pull to take better care of myself too. To quit doing the things that are wrecking my physical and mental health, like porn and cigarettes.

So tonight, for the first time in a long while, I’m going to bed thinking that maybe I’m not such a terrible person after all..

If someone satirized my life they'd have to downplay my complete inability to effectively communicate (or listen) because the audience wouldn't believe it. I'm living in my own little world and almost always fail to communicate basic (but important) information to those around me. Worse still is that occasionally it will pop into my head that I should say something, and miraculously, I forget mere seconds later. It's as if I have a squirrels brain.

Why am I abysmal at communicating and how can I get myself into a mindset where I actually communicate effectively?

This might be too much for Reddit, im not really sure. I’m starting therapy in about a month, but until then, I’m just stuck with myself. So I just sort of wanted some place to get a few thoughts off my chest

A couple nights ago, I had a bad experience with alcohol. This isn’t really about alcohol, but it forced me to look at myself in a way I’ve been avoiding. I went out drinking with friends, and by the time we got back, I was blackout drunk - blurry vision, stumbling, completely out of it. I started spouting off vile shit, something which I’ve regrettably done before but this time was much worse: obscenities, inappropriate comments, harassing people walking past, just being an insufferable dickhead. My friends didn’t say anything, but I know I was disgusting.

The next morning, through the hangover, my first thought was I have to stop drinking. And I will. Alcohol seems to cause all bad in my life, exonerates my worst issues and turns me into someone grossly unlikeable. Then I looked up whether you can change the way you act drunk with the consensus being not really. It seems drunkenness doesn’t give you new traits, it just strips away the filters. Everything you do when drunk is really you.

That’s when the self-realisation started snowballing. People don’t really like me. I have a circle of friends but plenty find me unpleasant, especially those I barely know and honestly, they’re not wrong. I’ve also got this weird mix of narcissism and self-hatred. I know I’m not ugly, but my brain insists I’m better-looking than I actually am, so I walk around with this inflated ego. That bleeds into other garbage - like objectifying women, acting arrogant, and never really paying attention to other people. I can’t hold a decent conversation, I come across as cold and unlikeable. and when I’m drunk I’ve done things that make me sick to even remember. Things that genuinely make me want to end it all.

I do have ASD, and I’m not throwing that out as some lazy excuse. It explains why I stumble socially and why I have such intense periods of depression and self loathing, but it doesn’t justify the way I treat people. The truth is, I don’t know how to be good. I don’t even know where to start. I just know that right now, I hate myself, and I’m starting to realize everyone else probably hates me too - or at the very least, they have every reason to. I want to become a better person, not even necessarily for others but just so I don’t feel so disgusted with myself daily