(We’re both girls- just to clarify!)

My best friend came to stay for 3 days. It has been over a month since I’ve seen her and she lives 2 hours away so I really wanted her to have a good time and I was so excited.

But I think I fucked it up. She went home today and I just feel so deflated. I don’t think she’ll be trying hard to visit again any time soon.

Here’s what I did right:

• I cleaned up the house LOADS. Mopped, scrubbed, clean sheets, fresh flowers on the table.

• I got food for her. She has a lot of dietary restrictions, and I bought her own selection of food for her to eat while she stayed and she seemed to enjoy it.

• I brought her to a market that I thought she would like and I think she did like it.

And I think that’s it.

What went wrong:

• I don’t have a car so we had to use public transport and walk in the wind and rain sometimes.

• I have insomnia and the stress of the weekend made it so hard for me to sleep so I was getting hardly any sleep at all.

• we didn’t do any of the fun laid back things I wanted to do because we had to constantly go out to do all the things we had planned. It felt like a let down.

• no pictures. We usually have lots of fun pictures when we’re together but she took none and I only took a few.

• because she came at a weekend, everywhere we went was so crowded and it killed the vibe.

• she was tired and didn’t really want to stay up and chat as much.

• I felt like I was awkward sometimes and came across wrong. I asked her if she was okay because she seemed like she wasn’t enjoying herself and she said I didn’t have to keep asking her which made me feel guilty.

I helped her to the train station and she thanked me for a lovely time but I’m just sitting here wanting to cry. It wasn’t a lovely time. I feel like she’s so happy to be away from me.

What can I do to fix this? Maybe I should distance myself so she can forget about the bad vibe and see me with fresh eyes?

I’m in my late 20s with two college degrees, a solid savings foundation, and I’m married. For years I worked weekends, so I rarely went out or socialized — that’s changing now. I’m trying to open up more, meet people, and enjoy life outside of just work and saving.

I’ve also been very focused on financial security, sometimes at the expense of experiences. Lately, I’ve realized I want more balance — to travel, meet new people, and “live a little” while I still have my youth and health.

To those in your 30s, 40s, or 50s: What’s something you wish you had done differently in your 20s?

Hello, I have autism and have been struggling with social situations my whole life. I'm in high school right now, and I barely have any friends, and the ones that I do have, we only really talk about video games and school. How do I get better at social interactions as an autistic person? Is it over for me? Are social skills innate and unlearnable as an autistic person? (I'm 15, about to be 16)

Thank you

I’m just an 18 year old girl, moving away to a new country in a few days for college.

All my life I’ve been battling shame and anxiety about social parts of life, as I’m always messing up. I thought it was just my parents criticizing me for every word, but then I realized, as a lot of people noticed the same mistakes, that even though harsh, my parents were right.

I hate myself with a passion as my standards for myself and friendship with others are high. I have a strict criteria I don’t meet, and I’m not satisfied enough being friends with someone who doesn’t fit it. So I’m stuck in a loop, where people who meet my standards don’t want to deal with me as I don’t fit theirs, and people who don’t meet mine… well, I can’t find myself wanting to spend time with them. It’s a very contradictory hypocrisy of mine, I know.

I’ve never had friends in kindergarten, despite being highly social and eager to have friends. I was annoying. Gosh, how annoying I was, everyone was saying that. And still am, kinda. I care deeply about what others think of me and try to be as nice as possible, but never let others get too close to me because I know they’ll find me even more annoying then they already do.

I can’t even explain other things in details. I hate myself not for any particular reason but because I don’t even feel human. I look at others when they interact with me, and I know they feel the same way—as if they’re talking to something weird, inhumane, something alien, wearing human skin.

I started distancing myself. I don’t have any close friends, only acquaintances. I tried to come back into social life dozens of times, and always ended up disappointed. I only can make friends online without actually messing up a ton, and when I do meet my online friends in person, right after they usually start pulling away themselves, gradually, disappointed.

Everything I do is weird. I don’t have “social anxiety” in a typical way. It’s not like I can’t speak or order a pizza on a phone, it’s just that there’s something unsettling in me that others notice and keep their distance just in case. Shame, shame, shame, shame is burning through me like lava every day of my life, and all I ever wanted is to apologize to others for my existence.

Anyway.

I’m living right now. Alive, breathing, whether it’s a good thing or not. My family cares about me, despite getting annoyed at me often, and I know that if I wasn’t their bloodline I doubt they’d actually like me.

How do I come in terms with that?

How do I accept this, and finally relax? I waited 11 years to finish my school, counting every day until I leave it and won’t see those people who saw me at my worst and hated me, deep down, and I can’t let this happen again in university. I can’t. I just want to calm the heck down and survive this without being annoying and miserable.

For me it’s when I’m checking out at a grocery store or something, and someone else in line, or the cashier makes a comment about my groceries while on the conveyor belt. “Oooh, that looks good…” “Wow looks like the party’s at your place tonight!” etc.

For some reason it’s just painstakingly awkward for me. And then you then see everyone else in line looking at your groceries as well. You just feel exposed, man. Never know how to respond other than “fake chuckle Haha, yeah…”

What about you guys?

So recently I've tried recording myself talking as well as recording videos of myself to see things like my mannerism just to get a feel for why others may not gravitate towards me as much as they do everyone else. What I ended up realizing is that, I kinda have a Mike Tyson effect. If you took a picture of me and tried to guess my personality, you'd probably guess something WAY different compared to how I actually behave and it made me realize that maybe that super mismatched aesthetic is probably just jarring to people. It's like seeing Ice Cube but when he opens his mouth you hear Bill Gates (in mannerism, not voice). Nothing wrong with either guy but I can see how the contrast of seeing an intense looking guy like Cube but hearing someone timid like Bill would be subliminally off putting. Something about it just feels off yanno. Like getting a Hellcat with the performance of Mitsubishi Mirage. I also tend to take weird pauses in my speech that others don't really do. I knew I tended to pause but I never realize just how long I'll stop talking for. So that's another thing to work on

If you feel like reinventing yourself, it's a good place to start because we usually aren't aware of how we interact with others. Our brains will rationalize a lot of things, so you could be behaving in a way that others find peculiar and never realize it

i know there's nothing wrong with smiling, but lately i've noticed people find it really weird when i'm just smiling for absolutely zero reason. especially when i go up to an acquaintance i haven't talked to in a while and i'm just giving them big ass toothy smile. i would find it bizarre and will probably stay away from the person.

also, i do it in inappropriate situations, like when i'm getting scolded by a teacher or someone's talking about a serious topic. i can't help it; i smile when i'm uncomfortable and sad. i smile when a bad situation occurs so my mother asked if i enjoy sad things and if i need to be tested for antisocial behavior (like what, that's not how it works). i smile when i'm angry too, and my classmates and teachers (gently) tell me it's a bit creepy (which is fair, i suppose).

I never really go out drinking or partying but a friend and I decided to. I got drunk at a bar waiting for him and some guys I struck up a conversation with said they were going to a club. I've never been dancing and I was still waiting for my friend but I decided to. I decided to just get out and dance, never having danced before, and got a lot of smiles with people and danced with a handful of girls. This one girl seemed interested in me and tried getting me to do a dance move with her but I couldn't understand her because it was so loud, I was a bit drunk, and kept messing up. She tried talking to me but I could hardly hear her because it was so loud and the only thing I remember from the conversation was her asking if I was ok. I ended up moving on from her because the energy didnt feel right for some reason or it was just weird because i kept asking her what she was saying, i cant remember exactly. My friend showed up later and said I was dancing really good and a lot of girls looked interested in me and he was confused why I didnt try to get anyone's number. I think I had a good time because I wasnt focused on trying to meet girls and I just wanted to drink and vibe. I feel like if my goal was to meet girls i would've come off as creepy as I was dancing by myself most of the time with random people for like 20 seconds at a time. My goal was just to dance with people that matched my energy and at the time, maybe it was the alcohol, I wasnt picking up on a girl being really interested. If people turned their bodies away from me or stopped looking towards me I just moved to dance with other people. Is there something I should do differently in the future to connect with people? I know clubs aren't great places to converse, maybe i was subconsciously afraid of rejection and just a bit drunk

Okay this might be a bit of a long read but here goes.

So little context, I’m a 30y/o male in a fairly big metropolitan city and have lived here for most of my life. Also, right when the pandemic started, I started to have chronic back pain that effected almost every aspect of my daily life, it still affects me to this day but i am better at managing it but am very limited in what i can do. I also feel like a have an undiagnosed social anxiety and might even be on the spectrum a little bit (also undiagnosed), it’s not debilitating or anything but i definitely think it makes me come off as awkward and i’m always in my head about what i should say, how it will be perceived etc. I feel like i try to be present and proactive in my friendships, but it never seems to be reciprocated or that no one seems to have any interest in being friends or having me really included in their life.

So my problem is that I have very few friends and whenever i do hang out with people it’s usually one on one bc i don’t belong to any friend groups and i don’t feel like i’m particularly close to anyone (or in perspective i don’t think people want to be close to me if that makes sense)? Also the few friends i do have, they are all friends that i have made recently (within the past few years). The thing is i used to belong to multiple friend groups but i had a few life changes and have essentially been phased out of all of my friend groups. Like I never get invited out to get together or anything anymore and it’s been like this for years. I have plenty of interests and hobbies, so it’s not like i’m the most boring person ever. I usually frequent local cafes and never really talk to my baristas outside of just ordering coffee. And where i live, there’s lots of social events that I sometimes attend, before with one of my friends but now usually alone and it’s so hard for me to talk to people and insert myself into conversations especially when i’m alone and people are usually there with their friends.

So lastly, I have so many opportunities to make friends or even just practice my social skills but my anxiety makes it so hard for me to do any of that. I guess my question is 1.) how do you make new friends without coming off as weird or awkward, 2.) how do you get invited into new friend groups, 3.) how do you make these friendships last? and 4.) how do you approach friendships where the other seems uninterested or it’s just slowly withering?

I’d appreciate any advice, i’m just tired of all of my friendships not lasting and feeling alone

I'm very meek and lately, I've been trying to put myself out there more, and improve my social skills. I'm in therapy, and my therapist has given me ideas how to practice what to say, and how to act.

That's all fine in-theory, but when I'm actually put in social situations, it's as if my brain goes into 'autopilot' mode and goes totally blank, I can't think of any of those practices whatsoever, and usually I just make an ass out of myself, or don't say anything. I've spoken to my therapist about it, but they're just saying things like: 'You gotta practice!' but how am I supposed to practice if I'm out of my head??

I feel helpless to fix the problem, like I'm completely out of control in social situations. Has anyone else beat that problem, and if so, how??

Blah

like that feeling of instant connection or having your own bubble

Its been a while since i lost my friend group. I'm ready to not be alone anymore. Theres this girl in my dance course I'm taking at college that is really cool. The problem is making friends has always been really really hard for me.

It was so devastating to lose this last group because it took so much effort to establish myself and that was already after years of having been in the same environment as them. I don't have years this time, I have one semester. How do I build up a relationship from scratch to the point of maybe hanging out?

I've barely talked to her except for some basic things, her major, where she's from, how she likes school. I've gotten thus far with other attempted friend-makings in other classes in the past. Made sure to show interest in them, try to relate with them in some way, but it doesn't go anywhere. I'm always the one texting them with dry replies (eventually no replies) back. What am I missing?

I don't use social media (which I know would make things a little easier, but I can't stand it there) and I am socially awkward in certain ways I do and don't notice (neurodivergent). I think I can overcome these obstacles. I don't want to wait for "the right people" to come to me. I want to have a relationship with the people I think are cool. I am done waiting.

Hey guys I have a question. So I have a habit of over sharing with friends and I’m starting to regret it. My friends are great people but I’m starting to realize that there are certain things where I wish I would have kept to myself or just my parents. I don’t know why I keep doing it but it seems like it’s a combination of not thinking things through or anxiety/stress. I’m worried that my friends will think I’m stupid for oversharing and stop talking to me… How do I stop oversharing?

I have absolutely terrible rbf and even my regular facial expressions look angry and upset when I feel the exact opposite. I’m also pretty mellow and low energy so I feel like this causes a lot of one sided tension with friends and people in general so idk what to do about it. I’m pretty open to talk to and I think when put in the situation I socialize fine but even my smiles look fake sometimes when they’re genuinely lot. Idk what to do about this to make people feel more comfortable especially with people that need extra reassurance cuz it’s genuinely not on purpose

All three of my roommates I am really cool with and there chill with me. But the thing is all of their friends from HS are all at the same college we all go to. All my roommates went to same HS. But it’s now been the first week and I haven’t really made any new friends or nothing. I go to a commuter school it’s basically dead on The weekends but the weekdays there are a lot of people here. I just feel hopeless like this year is gonna go bad

So basically if i change schools and just wanna get friends how? What do i say or do😭😭

This is in a group chat with 4 people

-friend B: (posts insta link to activity specific to my city).

-me: cool, i have a friend who does this activity.

-friend A: oh yeah, i’ve done this before. Would love to go again sometime haha

So, it sounds like she(friend A) sort of wants to be invited out? But the thing is i’ve invited her out like 3-4 times and she’s said no every time, so i don’t really invite her out anymore. Idk, am i misreading all of this?

(Just to be clear this is all totally platonic. No other motives. She’s fun/interesting. I just like hanging out with her. That’s why i invited her out so many times)

I’ve never been huge into sports. I have always had the hockey, baseball and basketball teams I would root for and want to win because my friends were fans and I am from the state that they are based in. I have been to games and have actually enjoyed watching them as well as on TV.

But as far as consistently following the player stats and trades and all that, I have never found much interest and for the life of me I cannot understand how so many guys are so interested in this to the extent that they are. When my coworkers and friends go into detailed conversations and discussions about this stuff I have absolutely no idea what they are talking about and I always end up becoming awkwardly silent.

Is there even any point at my age to concern myself about this? Is there a way to become more knowledgeable in this subject? I know that I shouldn’t care so much about what people think regarding my interests but a part of me does think that an interest in sports can be considered very beneficial to concepts manhood, competitiveness as well as values and teamwork… and having a young son I also think that an interest in this could benefit him as well.

I don't like being that one person that awkwardly freezes up whenever there is a child around, especially if they are super outgoing and it makes me look so socially awkward in comparison. I want to actually be able to participate and talk to them. But not in a fake or overly patronizing way like I see some people do (and somehow it works?? but I don't want to do that). How do I learn this skill, ideally without embarrassing myself?

Hi, I'm a 40 year old man, Neurodivergent with quite a few comorbidities, severe mixed ADHD and quite a few autistic traits (I think I'm on the edge of the spectrum.

So my problem is that I can't make friends or friends in real life.

Before when I took party drugs (LSD, Amphetamines, MDMA or Mescaline) I had no problem making new acquaintances, some of whom became real friends or friends even though they ended up losing touch since I haven't been going out for a while, I lost their phone numbers because I broke my phone or changed my number, etc...

Since I stopped going to parties I am no longer as sociable and my Troubles play a big part in that too.

I am incapable of making real friends in real life because I am ashamed of what I am, of my life choices because I am into crack (well free base), Ritalin online 1 week a month where I take my treatment for a month and sleep for a week.

Despite the fact that I take 2/3 showers a day, I can't brush my teeth and it's a real problem because with the products and the lack of oral hygiene I have almost no teeth on the upper part of the jaw but I finally decided to take charge and go to a dentist to sort all that out.

But the shame of all that is there to make me friends or even a girlfriend.

Even the fact of my Autistic Disorders and traits as well as my ADHD prevents me from being myself.

I went to see a Neuropsychologist where I did tests for 1h30, I during the tests despite my Neurodivergence had results above the average for Neurotypical but when it comes to social relationships, interpersonal understanding and everything that goes with it I am well below average and I don't know what to do.

Do you have any advice to give me so that I can at least make friends and succeed in maintaining these relationships because that's a big problem too?!

I'm 33 and never really went to the bar before. Is it a good place to meet people? Honestly I don't drink, but I'd love to play pool.

Is it a good place to meet men as well? Because I heard a lot of single men go to bars. A friend from years ago even wanted to go to the bar with me before to "find a boyfriend" for me. My ideal guy isn't a big drinker, but I wonder if single guys go there in hopes of getting a girlfriend.

I never went. I always heard bars were bad places where all the weirdos go, so I was scared. Plus I didn't drink. If I don't drink is the bar a waste of time?

I’ve gotten way better at talking to people face to face and I feel more confident now but texting still feels weird to me. I don’t know if I’m supposed to keep it short and straight to the point (which feels kind of dry) or if I should try to be funny and use emojis. I honestly have no idea what’s normal. Any tips?

I had a weird thing happen recently. I work in a department store. I recently had a hospital visit
regarding something. The doctor there knew me from my workplace as i had seen her there for
well over a year. Upon opening the door and seeing it was her i was completely surprised as
i never expected to see her there and find out what she did for a living. After a appointment
she said i can now wave to you and say hello when i walk into your department store.

When she walked in i said hi as i was always based at the entrance. When she walked in i was
sort of ignored in a weird way, which surprised me. The second time i was flat out ignored.
Obviously there was a bit of a boundary present which is kind of confusing and people shouldn't
say things like ''i can wave to you now'' if you want a boundary between your professional
and normal life. My initial interpretation of the interaction would be we would say hello
maybe once or twice before it went back to nothing but i was very surprised to just be
ignored twice. There is no romantic intent whatsoever. Its more of a social awkward moment.

My conclusion is she didn't mean it at all and just wanted to keep her professional life
seperate. My plan going forward is to simply do the same, but still it was kind of a weird
reaction. Thoughts?

I (29F) have been seeing a guy (34M) for a few months. Today he ended things because he said he doesn’t see a future with me: he wanted to introduce me to his family, meet mine, and get married next year. I told him I’d only feel ready in 2–3 years, and he said he doesn’t want to wait. The problem is, I couldn’t explain my real dilemma. It’s not that I don’t want a future with him — I do, I just don’t know how to put it into words. Since leaving my stable job, I’ve felt unstable, I’m studying for a public exam, and I wanted to feel secure first. I come from a very humble background, and I’m afraid he might think I’m with him for what he has. But the truth is the opposite: I wanted to be independent first, so he’d never doubt my feelings. When I said I needed more time, it probably sounded like I didn’t see him in my future — but that’s not true. It’s fear: fear of not being good enough, fear of not being at his level. My therapist even says I close myself off out of fear, and that’s exactly what happened. I really like him, and I feel like if I’d explained this properly, he might have understood me better. But I also don’t want to pressure him or make things awkward. I just feel the need to be honest about how I really feel, even if I wasn’t able to express it before. Now I don’t know if I should reach out and try to explain this dilemma, or if I should accept that it’s over and focus on myself.

What do you think I should do: try to explain my feelings to him, or accept that it’s over and move on?

I’d really appreciate any advice from people who’ve been in similar situations. 🥰